No joke-how to shop for teen girls

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 11:57 am

When you have a few and they are always comparing and very in the box, in town styles they wear (which are not always available near me).
How to manage the demands, materialism.
Giving them a talk does not help. Already tried all that. And telling them to spend their own money won't help either. Any other suggestions

amother

Lilac

Fri, May 07 2021, 12:08 pm

Hatzlacha
Daven! Smile

(Aside from it not being a "standing on one foot" conversation, I can't imagine parenting without occasional or consistent chinuch classes, plus experienced parent friends & mentors)
To me it's a process of giving in some, plus setting some cost limits based on personal family money value system.

And importantly, when one has to say no, to let them know with warmth & some compassion, & then the yes's for material things are given with genuine excitement & happiness for them. It's all lessons in letting them know, either way "we're on your side"

Practically speaking, finding a connection to receive great condition hand-me- downs is extremely helpful, I know this might be an upstream issue for some teens too, but just another idea, it's not exactly going to a gemach, but simply that some people outgrow their clothes before they get worn out., I've received things from friends sometime even with the tags still on

amother

Jetblack

Fri, May 07 2021, 12:24 pm

It really depends on the child, but here are some strategies that worked for me:

Everyone gets one new outfit/dress for Yom Tov, twice a year (meaning before Sukkos and Pesach), even if what they have from last year still fits or there are hand me downs, etc. The one new item is guaranteed no more what so that they feel special and have something current, but before shopping for a new season, we first look through the closets and see what she has to wear. If there is enough, they only get the one to start and can then supplement later in the season when things are on sale. If they need more then I will buy two, but this is always decided before we go to the store. It is so much harder to battle it out while shopping, so I find it helps to set realistic expectations ahead of time.

If a teen girl really needs a few new items (like she just got taller and everything is too short) I come up with a realistic budget before going shopping. It's then up to her if she wants to buy less things that are more expensive or fewer things that are cheaper. One of my daughter's likes having a lot of clothing so she will comb the racks until she finds cheaper end outfits because that will allow her to buy more.

amother

Scarlet

Sat, May 08 2021, 10:17 pm

I look through the Jewish stores’ instagrams with my girls to see what’s new, then we look for similar styles at Target, H & M, Zara, Old Navy, Gap, TJ Maxx, consignment shops, Shein, Amazon. We go into Lakewood or Brooklyn once a year and try to hit the sales (doesn’t always work out but we try). We pay for a new YT outfit on Pesach and Sukkos, and we buy reasonable needs for whatever season it is. Anything beyond that they pay for with babysitting money. I find ages 14-16 is the hardest, after that they become less insecure and not as gashmius focused.