 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
PeanutMama
|
 Fri, May 14 2021, 3:46 am
With all the stress of shabbos and Yom tov shopping!!!
Please tell me how to deal with difficult days with difficult toddlers.
I took my son and went to a large grocery store in my area and basically started putting things into the shopping cart like I normally do.
My son was in there and for the first maybe 10-15 min he was 100% okay and content. I make it fun for him like slightly going faster (with space allowing) and making car noises. š or giving him choices what to put in the cart (which plastic plate does he like better, which dip, which cereal etc) but then after those first 10-15 min he started getting fussy. So gave him my purse and kept an eye on him while getting some potatoes and onions.
Then he started full blown acting out, screeching and whining. Once again I start doing those funny things again but he was not content. Kept on screeching and whining. Took him out.
Held him close because the place was packed and I was afraid of losing him because he tends to run off at the most random times, and heāll get his hands on anything food and try to eat it.
He was happy.
Until I had to carry 2 jugs of milk and push the cart in another aisle
So I had to put him inside again.
He started screeching again. I shush him and spoke to him quietly how it was not nice how he was behaving and mommy is getting sad! The MOMENT I TURNED AWAY TO GRAB A PAN....he stood up in the cart seat. I freaked out thinking OMG heās gonna fall on his head.
Sat him back down real quick and that made him very mad! He started screaming. A man screamed back at my son just as loud if not louder. My son got quiet, from the surprise. I felt like doodoo and mortified and embarrassed and all types of other things.
Eventually I finished.
Went to pay.
Realize my card was at HOME. So I had to push the cart with a screeching almost 2 year old kid back to the entrance and go back home and pick it up.
I still donāt know HOW I forgot today of all days to make sure my card was in my purse. Usually the day before shopping I make sure my purse has my keys and card in it. I guess I was tired. I slept very very little the day before and could barely function so it mustāve slipped my mind.
Then I went back to the store
Put him back in the cart which was miraculously still there with all the stuff.
Once again....the whole thing started again. I gave him my phone. Itās the only thing that will keep him still. It was off (like always when I give him my phone). Then I took it away to call and ask my husband if we needed anything else for shabbos that I may have forgot and he said heāll speak to me when he gets home since he couldnāt talk at the moment. I said āI canāt do it no more Iām going home Avi is acting up and I donāt know what to do I tried everything I can do please just come to me and help me deal with him please!ā
He said āthe store is busy I canāt come Iām so sorry.ā
That was it.
I mamash went quickly to the nearest most private aisle (with not so many people) and bawled my eyes out.
So after I calmed down and I was sure my face was tear free and not red from crying, I went to pay.
Card was declined. Cashier said āyou donāt have enough moneyā
I just nodded in response and looked through my purse for any extra change. Only 3 dollars.
āIāll take out the beef.ā I said
She literally called the manager. Why?!! Why??!! I was already embarrassed enough with running to my son climbing on the seat and his screeching from impatience.
My son once again started to climb up the seat. Why Avi why?! Why today of all days?! Mommy is sad. Disappointed even!! Just sit like a nice boy already. Please!!! Do it for mommy!!! Weāre going home in just a minute.
(Didnāt say all that out loud but I was thinking it)
Manager came and took out the beef I got special for shabbos.
I turned back and saw that my son was in the basket. Now he is happy. Talking his adorable baby talk. I slowly start to calm down as I put the bags in the basket with him.
But what will I cook for shabbos day?! I still needed to get fish, farfel, grape juice....
I only got onions, potatoes, a pan, matches, and milk. 15$ worth of stuff.
Then I started stressing again when I was on the way home.
My landlord was going inside the same time and I let him in the house first.
I went in after him and then he called down his wife so we can say hello and shmooze a little.
First thing she asked,
āHow is everything?ā
Stupid tears came out again. She asked what happened. I told her what happened and said I didnāt have enough for the shabbos and Yom tov shopping. By motzai shabbos I wanted to start cooking already for our special Yom tov. My voice was gone cuz I was crying so hard. It sounded like low whispers. I never cry like that.
Last time I cried like that, I was at my grandmas funeral in mexico, when it was loud and clear that the hole in the ground was gonna be closed on her forever. And that was more than 12 years ago.
My landlady could barely hear me. But she got the message.
She gave me tomatoes, beans, chicken, gefilte fish, cheese blintzes, sour cream and a 50$ bill.
Hubby found me absolutely sobbing when he got home less than 10 min later. I told him everything from the first screech to the man screaming back at my son just as equally loud to the landlady giving us these extra foods and the 50$.
I guess I got overwhelmed with my sonās silliness and the declined card and the whole stress. I know BH he is healthy and doing things normal kids do...
But how can I deal with it normally without getting so nervous???? I get that I reacted quite strongly...and I know itās normal to get overwhelmed but the grocery store is not the time or place to stand in an aisle and CRY. You supposed to act normal. Even tho sometimes it gets hard. I was raised like this so itās hard to hear stuff like āmommies canāt run themselves ragged...ā
Hubby suggested I should buy him snacks in advance and give them to him when he starts getting antsy.
Vent over.
| |
|
| Back to top |
 31
 0
|
|
amother
Amethyst
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 5:59 am
I read your whole post and yes, I see why it was a hard and overwhelming day!
But I immediately thought of this article, it had the same despair... but I just love the ending. https://jewishmom.com/2013/04/.....ater/
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
|
amother
Maroon
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 6:00 am
|
Oyyyy you poor dear!!!!!! What a day!!!! I would also be in tears! I rarely cry but the tears usually come at those awkward or unexpected times!!!!!! I'm SO sorry for all the frustration, exhaustion, embarrassment etc..... ( just know you're not alone though it feels that way, more ppl have been sharing how super overloaded and stressed they are, it's really a lot!!!) My Bracha to you is that HKBH should shower you with Shefa Bracha in revealed love, kindness and revealed good in every way and He should send you koach and rejuvenation to continue your Avodas hakodesh doing His Service, hopefully in Yerushalim habenuya bmhaira beyamainu!!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
5
|
FranticFrummie
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 6:07 am
Oh sweetie, I hear you. The struggle is REAL!
You pushed through instead of giving up, and that says a lot about you. You are stronger than you think. You are also allowed to have a good cry now and then.
I know you feel awful that the tears came out in public. Try to get past the embarrassment and be kind to yourself. I've had similar things happen to me, I have broken down sobbing in the store, and it's mortifying. If you were $3.00 short and in front of me in line, I would have gladly given it to you, with no need to repay me.
I do think your DH is right about keeping your toddler snacking while you shop. I would usually grab a bag of Bamba off of the shelf and let DD eat it. Give the empty wrapper to the clerk to scan it and add it to you bill. They do this All. The. Time., so they're totally used to it. No one will judge you. In fact, they will think it's a smart idea.
Once, the store was selling bananas for 50 cents each. I gave DD a banana, and then showed the clerk the peel!  He appreciated my honesty, because some people don't pay for what their kids eat in the store.
Try to put this out of your mind, enjoy Shabbos and the chag. Worry about everything else afterwards, OK?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
6
|
lk1234
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 6:25 am
| Hashem_n_Farfel wrote: | With all the stress of shabbos and Yom tov shopping!!!
Please tell me how to deal with difficult days with difficult toddlers.
I took my son and went to a large grocery store in my area and basically started putting things into the shopping cart like I normally do.
My son was in there and for the first maybe 10-15 min he was 100% okay and content. I make it fun for him like slightly going faster (with space allowing) and making car noises. š or giving him choices what to put in the cart (which plastic plate does he like better, which dip, which cereal etc) but then after those first 10-15 min he started getting fussy. So gave him my purse and kept an eye on him while getting some potatoes and onions.
Then he started full blown acting out, screeching and whining. Once again I start doing those funny things again but he was not content. Kept on screeching and whining. Took him out.
Held him close because the place was packed and I was afraid of losing him because he tends to run off at the most random times, and heāll get his hands on anything food and try to eat it.
He was happy.
Until I had to carry 2 jugs of milk and push the cart in another aisle
So I had to put him inside again.
He started screeching again. I shush him and spoke to him quietly how it was not nice how he was behaving and mommy is getting sad! The MOMENT I TURNED AWAY TO GRAB A PAN....he stood up in the cart seat. I freaked out thinking OMG heās gonna fall on his head.
Sat him back down real quick and that made him very mad! He started screaming. A man screamed back at my son just as loud if not louder. My son got quiet, from the surprise. I felt like doodoo and mortified and embarrassed and all types of other things.
Eventually I finished.
Went to pay.
Realize my card was at HOME. So I had to push the cart with a screeching almost 2 year old kid back to the entrance and go back home and pick it up.
I still donāt know HOW I forgot today of all days to make sure my card was in my purse. Usually the day before shopping I make sure my purse has my keys and card in it. I guess I was tired. I slept very very little the day before and could barely function so it mustāve slipped my mind.
Then I went back to the store
Put him back in the cart which was miraculously still there with all the stuff.
Once again....the whole thing started again. I gave him my phone. Itās the only thing that will keep him still. It was off (like always when I give him my phone). Then I took it away to call and ask my husband if we needed anything else for shabbos that I may have forgot and he said heāll speak to me when he gets home since he couldnāt talk at the moment. I said āI canāt do it no more Iām going home Avi is acting up and I donāt know what to do I tried everything I can do please just come to me and help me deal with him please!ā
He said āthe store is busy I canāt come Iām so sorry.ā
That was it.
I mamash went quickly to the nearest most private aisle (with not so many people) and bawled my eyes out.
So after I calmed down and I was sure my face was tear free and not red from crying, I went to pay.
Card was declined. Cashier said āyou donāt have enough moneyā
I just nodded in response and looked through my purse for any extra change. Only 3 dollars.
āIāll take out the beef.ā I said
She literally called the manager. Why?!! Why??!! I was already embarrassed enough with running to my son climbing on the seat and his screeching from impatience.
My son once again started to climb up the seat. Why Avi why?! Why today of all days?! Mommy is sad. Disappointed even!! Just sit like a nice boy already. Please!!! Do it for mommy!!! Weāre going home in just a minute.
(Didnāt say all that out loud but I was thinking it)
Manager came and took out the beef I got special for shabbos.
I turned back and saw that my son was in the basket. Now he is happy. Talking his adorable baby talk. I slowly start to calm down as I put the bags in the basket with him.
But what will I cook for shabbos day?! I still needed to get fish, farfel, grape juice....
I only got onions, potatoes, a pan, matches, and milk. 15$ worth of stuff.
Then I started stressing again when I was on the way home.
My landlord was going inside the same time and I let him in the house first.
I went in after him and then he called down his wife so we can say hello and shmooze a little.
First thing she asked,
āHow is everything?ā
Stupid tears came out again. She asked what happened. I told her what happened and said I didnāt have enough for the shabbos and Yom tov shopping. By motzai shabbos I wanted to start cooking already for our special Yom tov. My voice was gone cuz I was crying so hard. It sounded like low whispers. I never cry like that.
Last time I cried like that, I was at my grandmas funeral in mexico, when it was loud and clear that the hole in the ground was gonna be closed on her forever. And that was more than 12 years ago.
My landlady could barely hear me. But she got the message.
She gave me tomatoes, beans, chicken, gefilte fish, cheese blintzes, sour cream and a 50$ bill.
Hubby found me absolutely sobbing when he got home less than 10 min later. I told him everything from the first screech to the man screaming back at my son just as equally loud to the landlady giving us these extra foods and the 50$.
I guess I got overwhelmed with my sonās silliness and the declined card and the whole stress. I know BH he is healthy and doing things normal kids do...
But how can I deal with it normally without getting so nervous???? I get that I reacted quite strongly...and I know itās normal to get overwhelmed but the grocery store is not the time or place to stand in an aisle and CRY. You supposed to act normal. Even tho sometimes it gets hard. I was raised like this so itās hard to hear stuff like āmommies canāt run themselves ragged...ā
Hubby suggested I should buy him snacks in advance and give them to him when he starts getting antsy.
Vent over. |
You sound like such a good mom!! From your description you are attentive (playing games with your son), empowering (giving him age appropriate choices) and patient. I'm jealous!! It is totally normal to be overwhelmed with toddlers. I know that I can relate to your post. Really cut yourself some slack. Also, maybe try to not bring your son to the store if that is possible - toddlers + stores equal overwhelmed moms.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
11
|
|
amother
Jade
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 9:52 am
I usually try and always go shopping when dh is home to look after the kids. It is one of the hardest things to do with kids.
Tip 1-don't take kids shopping
if this is not possible, which I know happens, try and make it as short a shop as possible. And if you do give them things to hold to try and keep them quiet, make sure it's not things they can easily open (I made the mistake of letting my toddler hold a yoghurt and boy did she make a mess).
Op, I'm sending you a virtual hug . I hope the rest of your day will be a better one.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
jewishmom6
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 9:52 am
oh my gosh! that is super supper stressful.
I can totally relate .
When my kids are ahem....... I vow not to take them on errands. Its worth it and goes much faster.
do yourself a favor! toddlers can be difficult!!!!!!!!!!! They really dont have patience for big shopping.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
Ecru
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 10:01 am
So hard.
We learn with time.
I always get my kid a snack first thing to keep him busy.
I also learned to take photos of all my credit cards in case I forget them at home.
Also, you really should apply for benefits and WIC.
No one in our community is looked down on for using them in the groceries.
I know you once said your husband is against it, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
Call this number 718 865 8278 to find out which documents they need and they will take care of it for you for free. They are located in Williamsburg but you can probably email them whatever they need.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
10
|
|
amother
Oak
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 10:40 am
Oy this sounds absolutely awful I might have been in tears too. And my card has been declined too and it's so horribly embarrassing and annoying.
If you are looking for solutions as well. I almost always Get groceries delivered.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
|
amother
Chocolate
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 11:18 am
Sending hugs.
Just to make u feel better, I once burst into tears at the waiting area by the dr. It was just one annoying thing after another kept happening and I was sobbing so hard. The nurse took me to her office and had me fill out a form about ppd and abuse, to make sure that's not why I was crying. It was mortifying and I couldn't stop. 
I get you girl...
| |
|
| Back to top |
3
0
|
Crookshanks
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 11:43 am
Hugs! ššš It sounds like you did the right thing in every situation. You tried your best. He results, like your two year olds behavior, are not in your hands.
I hope you were able to fall asleep last nightāŗļø
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
imaima
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 11:55 am
| Hashem_n_Farfel wrote: | With all the stress of shabbos and Yom tov shopping!!!
Please tell me how to deal with difficult days with difficult toddlers.
I took my son and went to a large grocery store in my area and basically started putting things into the shopping cart like I normally do.
My son was in there and for the first maybe 10-15 min he was 100% okay and content. I make it fun for him like slightly going faster (with space allowing) and making car noises. š or giving him choices what to put in the cart (which plastic plate does he like better, which dip, which cereal etc) but then after those first 10-15 min he started getting fussy. So gave him my purse and kept an eye on him while getting some potatoes and onions.
Then he started full blown acting out, screeching and whining. Once again I start doing those funny things again but he was not content. Kept on screeching and whining. Took him out.
Held him close because the place was packed and I was afraid of losing him because he tends to run off at the most random times, and heāll get his hands on anything food and try to eat it.
He was happy.
Until I had to carry 2 jugs of milk and push the cart in another aisle
So I had to put him inside again.
He started screeching again. I shush him and spoke to him quietly how it was not nice how he was behaving and mommy is getting sad! The MOMENT I TURNED AWAY TO GRAB A PAN....he stood up in the cart seat. I freaked out thinking OMG heās gonna fall on his head.
Sat him back down real quick and that made him very mad! He started screaming. A man screamed back at my son just as loud if not louder. My son got quiet, from the surprise. I felt like doodoo and mortified and embarrassed and all types of other things.
Eventually I finished.
Went to pay.
Realize my card was at HOME. So I had to push the cart with a screeching almost 2 year old kid back to the entrance and go back home and pick it up.
I still donāt know HOW I forgot today of all days to make sure my card was in my purse. Usually the day before shopping I make sure my purse has my keys and card in it. I guess I was tired. I slept very very little the day before and could barely function so it mustāve slipped my mind.
Then I went back to the store
Put him back in the cart which was miraculously still there with all the stuff.
Once again....the whole thing started again. I gave him my phone. Itās the only thing that will keep him still. It was off (like always when I give him my phone). Then I took it away to call and ask my husband if we needed anything else for shabbos that I may have forgot and he said heāll speak to me when he gets home since he couldnāt talk at the moment. I said āI canāt do it no more Iām going home Avi is acting up and I donāt know what to do I tried everything I can do please just come to me and help me deal with him please!ā
He said āthe store is busy I canāt come Iām so sorry.ā
That was it.
I mamash went quickly to the nearest most private aisle (with not so many people) and bawled my eyes out.
So after I calmed down and I was sure my face was tear free and not red from crying, I went to pay.
Card was declined. Cashier said āyou donāt have enough moneyā
I just nodded in response and looked through my purse for any extra change. Only 3 dollars.
āIāll take out the beef.ā I said
She literally called the manager. Why?!! Why??!! I was already embarrassed enough with running to my son climbing on the seat and his screeching from impatience.
My son once again started to climb up the seat. Why Avi why?! Why today of all days?! Mommy is sad. Disappointed even!! Just sit like a nice boy already. Please!!! Do it for mommy!!! Weāre going home in just a minute.
(Didnāt say all that out loud but I was thinking it)
Manager came and took out the beef I got special for shabbos.
I turned back and saw that my son was in the basket. Now he is happy. Talking his adorable baby talk. I slowly start to calm down as I put the bags in the basket with him.
But what will I cook for shabbos day?! I still needed to get fish, farfel, grape juice....
I only got onions, potatoes, a pan, matches, and milk. 15$ worth of stuff.
Then I started stressing again when I was on the way home.
My landlord was going inside the same time and I let him in the house first.
I went in after him and then he called down his wife so we can say hello and shmooze a little.
First thing she asked,
āHow is everything?ā
Stupid tears came out again. She asked what happened. I told her what happened and said I didnāt have enough for the shabbos and Yom tov shopping. By motzai shabbos I wanted to start cooking already for our special Yom tov. My voice was gone cuz I was crying so hard. It sounded like low whispers. I never cry like that.
Last time I cried like that, I was at my grandmas funeral in mexico, when it was loud and clear that the hole in the ground was gonna be closed on her forever. And that was more than 12 years ago.
My landlady could barely hear me. But she got the message.
She gave me tomatoes, beans, chicken, gefilte fish, cheese blintzes, sour cream and a 50$ bill.
Hubby found me absolutely sobbing when he got home less than 10 min later. I told him everything from the first screech to the man screaming back at my son just as equally loud to the landlady giving us these extra foods and the 50$.
I guess I got overwhelmed with my sonās silliness and the declined card and the whole stress. I know BH he is healthy and doing things normal kids do...
But how can I deal with it normally without getting so nervous???? I get that I reacted quite strongly...and I know itās normal to get overwhelmed but the grocery store is not the time or place to stand in an aisle and CRY. You supposed to act normal. Even tho sometimes it gets hard. I was raised like this so itās hard to hear stuff like āmommies canāt run themselves ragged...ā
Hubby suggested I should buy him snacks in advance and give them to him when he starts getting antsy.
Vent over. |
You leave him with someone. I shop with a stroller where they are always strapped, sometimes with snacks.
Shop in the night when the baby is sleeping and dh cab watch. Have dh shop.
That requires more planning.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
|
amother
Ecru
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 12:02 pm
| imaima wrote: | You leave him with someone. I shop with a stroller where they are always strapped, sometimes with snacks.
Shop in the night when the baby is sleeping and dh cab watch. Have dh shop.
That requires more planning. |
Also many groceries take phone/ email/ WhatsApp orders.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
Cookin4days
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 12:03 pm
Iām not yet a mommy Bh soon but Iām sending you so many hugs!!!
Your day was beyond stressful and you know what no shame in crying, sometimes you need to cry to let all the bad you feel outt
Everyone has one of those days and now you know for your next shoppin trip to make sure to have your purse and snacks and etc.
Everyday is a new day donāt forget
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
enneamom
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 12:07 pm
|
Mega hugs You had such a hard day. Over Shabbos you can hopefully rest and everything will feel a little better. Your toddler sounds normal and yummy, and you sound normal and trying your best. You're doing good things and Hashem loves you!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
|
amother
Goldenrod
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 12:16 pm
please give yourself credit. you handled it all so beautifully. Id rather not tell you how Id handle it all.
I admire the way you deal with stress. good for you!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
3
|
PeanutMama
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 3:51 pm
Thanks
It was crazy! Every time Iād turn away he will be trying to climb out the seat or taking things off the shelves. It took me 30-40 min total to get 5 things when normally it would be 10 min at the most cuz not everything is in the same aisle...
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
0
|
bnm
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 4:17 pm
|
That sounds so stressful. When my kids where that age I started sending them to a babysitter once or twice a week so I can shop. If I had to take them along they wore a harness that attached to the shopping cart so they couldn't jump out and I fed them in there- snacks, slice cheese, bananas, juice boxes.... I tried looking for the harness on Amazon recently and couldn't find it.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
yksraya
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 4:32 pm
| Hashem_n_Farfel wrote: | Thanks
It was crazy! Every time Iād turn away he will be trying to climb out the seat or taking things off the shelves. It took me 30-40 min total to get 5 things when normally it would be 10 min at the most cuz not everything is in the same aisle... |
Wow! That's frustrating! No wonder you were so stressed!
Hope you rest up over shabbos.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
doodlesmom
|
Fri, May 14 2021, 5:00 pm
Sometimes I like shopping in a smaller grocery, where I can leave the child in the carriage up front near the friendly cashier, and keep an eye from the aisle. I will usually give the toddler a snack in the meantime as well.
Also everything I need can be reached in a shorter amt of time.
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
0
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
