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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Twins, Triplets, and more
Did having multiples strain your marriage?



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Did having multiples strain your marriage?
Yes  
 6%  [ 11 ]
No  
 8%  [ 15 ]
I don’t have multiples and just want to see the poll results 😆  
 85%  [ 152 ]
Total Votes : 178



amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 13 2021, 8:51 pm
I am usually so drained at the end of the day and have no time or patience for anything or anyone once they are in bed. Anyone feels me?
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Thu, May 13 2021, 9:06 pm
Time!!!! Give yourself time. And explain it to your husband. It's not about him. it s about you and your efforts to be there for yourself, your kids and him. That's a lot! How old are they? Do you have any help? It does get easier!
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amother
Olive


 

Post Thu, May 13 2021, 9:18 pm
I voted yes, but it wasn't really about the multiples, it was that the multiples exacerbated an issue that we had before - an uneven division of labor. Once we got clarity about that and worked it out, then our Shalom Bayis was back and better.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Thu, May 13 2021, 11:55 pm
I read this wrong. I thought is said "Did you have multiple strains in your marriage"
Multiples could be difficult the first 3 years - feeding, bathing, potty training, watching them. But that could also be with having children close in age. The more pain, the more gain.
Get whatever help you can and take care of yourself, physically and emotionally.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Thu, May 13 2021, 11:59 pm
Every baby strains my marriage. Lots of fighting the first 6 months
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 12:20 am
In the very beginning when my twins were NICU babies and our oldest was 2, and then the babies came home but still had special medical needs, and I was postpartum and no one was sleeping? Yes, our marriage was strained. Fast forward 3.5 years and we're going strong. Not that we weren't strong then too, but there's no denying the stress. Sometimes it felt like our whole world was buckling under the weight of what we were going through. It got much easier toward the end of the first year, and the kids are all best friends. Big big hugs. I know what 'a year' or even 'a month' sounds like when every hour feels like a marathon. What helped me were mini sprints - an hour until nap time, 30 minutes until I can take a shower, etc. Eventually it does ease up.
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English3




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 5:49 am
Nope, we chose to have a big family and dh is very supportive he is constantly worried that it shouldn't be hard for me. Especially with my twins now, he wakes up for one twin at night while I have the other. My dh likes to dote on me after birth for at least the first few months,plus my babies are not difficult newborns. I have a routine straight from birth bh.
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Teomima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 6:21 am
I voted yes, but in all honesty it wasn't much better with our singletons, either. Any baby stresses dh out and he has a hard time coping. The difference with the multiples is with the other babies I could do it all on my own, but with our twins there were times, rare but still there, that I NEEDED a second pair of hands. Fortunately I had my parents not far. Sometimes I wonder if my marriage would be better if all our babies came one at a time.

Though I will say, as they grew, it became MUCH easier. Dh now has a pretty good relationship with them now that they're old enough to enjoy activities and outings together. But as babies/toddlers+, it really wreaked havoc on us.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 7:22 am
yes we had a son first and 12 month 's later we had twins
even my first child was a strain my marriage
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 7:29 am
English3 wrote:
Nope, we chose to have a big family and dh is very supportive he is constantly worried that it shouldn't be hard for me. Especially with my twins now, he wakes up for one twin at night while I have the other. My dh likes to dote on me after birth for at least the first few months,plus my babies are not difficult newborns. I have a routine straight from birth bh.


This is so special! I have just realized that I am traumatized not by the birth itself but by being left alone after birth. My dh had been oblivious about my needs a lot and I realized I should work through that.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 9:21 am
amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:
This is so special! I have just realized that I am traumatized not by the birth itself but by being left alone after birth. My dh had been oblivious about my needs a lot and I realized I should work through that.


Hugs. My dh wasn’t supportive by my first (not because he didn’t care but he didn’t know better) and I ended up with ppd. Dh made a plan for my second - he was terrified I’d get ppd again- and took great care of me, sent me to a kimpeturin home and my whole recovery was so much better! Bh did not get ppd even thought had a lot more things going on after birth then with my first.

Hopefully, your dh will learn.
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4g01o




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 9:24 am
Singletons put some strain on my marriage especially at the beginning. I think that's normal though?
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amother
Oak


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 9:44 am
I voted no because I think any big change will cause a stress on marriage. Having my multiples caused stress but I think having a single might also.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 10:10 am
Multiples could easily strain, I found I need to ne proactive and made sure to help myself as the needs arose. I sent my twins to a babysitter twice a week just so that I should have some down ttime. I had a mother's helper each afternoon and my cleaning lady came every night for an hour or 2 - She took care of the babies and bathed them while I had dinner with Dh.

I'm not sure where the $ came from but Hashem sent it in the right moments......
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 10:34 am
Yes and no. I think any new baby strains a marriage, just like any other stress. B"H my dh was a very hands-on father, but the most hands-on father in the world isn't exhausted from the multiple pgcy, c-section, and nursing. Unlike a mom, when he sleeps, he SLEEPS.
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tigerwife




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 10:52 am
Out of curiosity, do you think it made a difference if your twins were one of the earlier children and you had mostly toddlers or if you had twins later when had older, self-sufficient children?
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amother
Oak


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 11:07 am
For sure.
Can't imagine going through a twin pregnancy if I had other babies and kids to take care of.
BH, my twins were my first and DH can pretty much take care of himself while I spent my entire pregnancy either on the couch or hovered over the toilet.
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amother
Olive


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 11:12 am
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
Yes and no. I think any new baby strains a marriage, just like any other stress. B"H my dh was a very hands-on father, but the most hands-on father in the world isn't exhausted from the multiple pgcy, c-section, and nursing. Unlike a mom, when he sleeps, he SLEEPS.

LOL, I sleep deeper than DH does. He would yell from his bed, "the baby is crying!" and I'd have to pull myself out of my sleep enough to figure out which baby it was.
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, May 14 2021, 3:27 pm
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
Time!!!! Give yourself time. And explain it to your husband. It's not about him. it s about you and your efforts to be there for yourself, your kids and him. That's a lot! How old are they? Do you have any help? It does get easier!

Not sure when exactly to give myself time
I work by day and setup is actually pretty good and I can’t drop my job at the time.
My husband actually helps a ton
They are 2 now and soooo demanding
And yes soooo adorable too!
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