Do you consider WhatsApp status an invite?

lamplighter

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:00 pm

I don't see how they left you out.

Unless I'm from a totally different culture, when a relative has a baby you call that person or the spouse or the bubby to wish them mazal tov. In that conversation you ask about the details for the bris.

Did you call to wish anyone mazal tov?
Did you ask about the details of the bris?

I'm so sorry that you are hurting but so far nothing sounds off about this story.

As someone who also suffered IF people were very strange around me and simchas. They weren't sure how to protect me or to keep from hurting me. This may be some of that. If they takeh left you out ie didn't tell you details when asked or called everyone but you I would bet they didn't want you to feel obliged to come to the bris if it's too hard for you and that if you wanted to go you would inquire and come.

amother

Yellow

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It’s just amazing how someone in need of validation gets bashed non stop! Wow!!!

What type of validation do you want? That everyone should agree with you that they really really didn’t want you to be there????
You got your validation in your poll responses already (even though many people commented afterwards that they would’ve voted yes had they realized it’s in regard to a bris)
People are just telling you that in this case it’s normal and obviously the invite aspect isn’t the issue here if it’s bothering you to this extent that you’re literally eating yourself up about it. So if you want empathy, you might want to share what the root cause for this attitude is.

Goody2shoes

Wed, May 19 2021, 8:20 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

This! I love the way amother wrote that we should be validating you by telling you that you were not wanted there😀
It's true that you might feel slighted. I fargin you that much but theres nothing else to validate here

amother

Red

Wed, May 19 2021, 10:27 pm

How in the world would a change of status indicate an invitation to an event.

Maybe I am missing something in terms of what the change of status would state but don't events generally have a time and location.

I don't keep track of the change of status for every person on social media with whom I might have tangential links.

I also don't understand how hard it is to send out a mass email or equivalent stating that the event will be held on x date; x time; x location and you are invited. With a sentence telling people that RSVP not necessary and to contact with questions. I don't understand how this could take more than five minutes. It is not like in the "dark ages" when you had to either call everyone or mail an invitation if time permitted.

amother

Orange

Thu, May 20 2021, 7:07 am

amother [ Red ] wrote:

They viewed the change of status (which presumably said something like "BH, Malky gave birth to a baby boy on Tuesday. Everyone is well. B'li ayin hara, bris will be at Ye Olde Shul on Tuesday at 8 am") as the functional equivalent of a giant group text.

ETA, and I hardly consider my niece to be someone with whom I have only "tangential links."

And you never invite to a bris. I've been told that anyone invited to a bris is OBLIGATED to attend. So instead, you just let them know when and where, and they decide to come, or not.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, May 20 2021, 7:49 am

OP if get you are feeling upset. But if you knew abt the birth then it's good to ASK when is the bris.
Last year sil, DH's sister made a wedding. This was in israel in the middle of corona after purim. I asked her if I could help her with something, making phone calls because I am good at that. She asked me to phone a number of people to tell them to keep distance, mask's etc. I did the job. Wedding Tuesday. Suddenly there was a change that you couldn't have more than 10 people instead of 100 people.
We got the shock of your lives when we found out that wedding had been pushed to be one day BEFORE scheduled date! Dh got a bit upset, I told him we shouldn't go because of corona. Yes we were upset. I was upset because I had reached out to her offering help.
We decided not to call her. 2 days after sil calls and explained and apologized BIG TIME. It had been hellish days for her. I won't go into details but after we heard her side of the story we completely understood and forgave her 100%.
I am glad we didn't attend. My other sil and husband attended and they were really scared hoping not to catch the virus.

amother

Blonde

Thu, May 20 2021, 8:17 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

To be honest, I find your story even more baffling than OP's.
Your SIL had to change the date of her daughter's wedding at the last minute, so she had a couple of days (or less?) to reorganize venue, caterer, music, photos, sheitel, makeup, hair, chosson kallah apartment, taking kallah to mikva and all the other hundred myriad details that making a wedding entails. Of course it was hellish for her.
And you got upset that you were told by a different family member rather than by her directly?! You wanted her to sit there and make calls to each of the 100 guests and apprise them personally of the change?
And instead of offering to help her further in this upside down situation, you just missed the wedding and didn't even call to wish mazal tov?!
I think you should have needed her forgiveness rather than the other way around, it was very nice of her to take the high road.
I honestly don't get all these posts where everyone thinks that everyone is out to get them. They're your family for goodness sake. Family is meant to be there for each other, rather than expecting them to be some sort of superpower who always has you at the forefront of their mind, regardless of whichever crazy situation they are going through.