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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
New shul's community lunch - endless parade of men speaking



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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jun 13 2021, 7:47 pm
Hi, we recently moved moved to a quite OOT Chabad community. They have a community sit-down kiddush lunch every Saturday after davening as apparently is common in OOT Chabads. (The community lunch is a wonderful thing for socializing and I wish serious frum places would do that too.)

The only thing is that there's an endless parade of men speaking during the entire lunch. But this is basically "amateur hour at the comedy club" -- nobody's pre-assigned to speak, men just stand up one after another and start speaking for however long they want, some learned and others not so learned, some with interesting things to say and some with nonsense to say, some good speakers and others awful speakers. This goes on for the entire meal. People get tired of listening basically after the first speech, and everyone is just chit-chatting over the speaker and the room gets louder and louder... and if the speaker is actually good, you can't even hear him.

I'm totally fine if one person each week is selected to give the d'var torah... or maybe even two. This free-for-all just doesn't work. People want to socialize and people only have so much of an attention span, and it's just excessive and disorganized to have an endless parade of men speaking one after another.

Is this a Chabad thing? In my experience with Chabads, it isn't.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Sun, Jun 13 2021, 7:59 pm
Sounds like a chabad Fabrengen. Today was 3 Tamuz so if it was yesterday that was probably what was going on (though my chabad allows and encourages women to speak too. I spoke yesterday!)
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, Jun 13 2021, 8:30 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Hi, we recently moved moved to a quite OOT Chabad community. They have a community sit-down kiddush lunch every Saturday after davening as apparently is common in OOT Chabads. (The community lunch is a wonderful thing for socializing and I wish serious frum places would do that too.)

The only thing is that there's an endless parade of men speaking during the entire lunch. But this is basically "amateur hour at the comedy club" -- nobody's pre-assigned to speak, men just stand up one after another and start speaking for however long they want, some learned and others not so learned, some with interesting things to say and some with nonsense to say, some good speakers and others awful speakers. This goes on for the entire meal. People get tired of listening basically after the first speech, and everyone is just chit-chatting over the speaker and the room gets louder and louder... and if the speaker is actually good, you can't even hear him.

I'm totally fine if one person each week is selected to give the d'var torah... or maybe even two. This free-for-all just doesn't work. People want to socialize and people only have so much of an attention span, and it's just excessive and disorganized to have an endless parade of men speaking one after another.

Is this a Chabad thing? In my experience with Chabads, it isn't.


Why not suggest they plan for one or two speakers each week so that peoples attention span will be able to handle it rather than have it end up being disrespect to the parade of speakers who, no one ends up listening to?
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amother
Sapphire


 

Post Sun, Jun 13 2021, 8:41 pm
Not common at all. I was at one place that did this and was awed at how it really brought the community together... But this was years ago and dynamics changed there for other reasons... You should bring up your feedback to the rabbi.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jun 13 2021, 10:22 pm
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
Sounds like a chabad Fabrengen. Today was 3 Tamuz so if it was yesterday that was probably what was going on (though my chabad allows and encourages women to speak too. I spoke yesterday!)


This goes on every week, though!

amother [ Purple ] wrote:
Why not suggest they plan for one or two speakers each week so that peoples attention span will be able to handle it rather than have it end up being disrespect to the parade of speakers who, no one ends up listening to?


I feel like it's not my place to start suggesting things if we're new, especially if the rabbi might have a reason for this and like allowing lots of ppl to talk.
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amother
Geranium


 

Post Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:31 pm
Well then sit back and enjoy the cholent Wink
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 14 2021, 9:31 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I feel like it's not my place to start suggesting things if we're new, especially if the rabbi might have a reason for this and like allowing lots of ppl to talk.


Then why not simply ASK the rabbi if there's a reason why they do things this way, since you've never seen this before? If he says no, it just evolved that way, then respectfully suggest that the multiplicity of speakers appears to be matriach the tzibbur and would it be possible to assign a limited number of speakers each week so that each speaker can be given the attention he deserves. If he says yes, because he wants to encourage participation and let each person have his say, why not suggest that they have a scheduled seminar after benching.
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