Daughter never in newsletter/shabbos ima

amother

Seablue

Sun, Jun 13 2021, 11:50 pm

I feel like I have to say this as well. You may not like this and I really don't want to hurt your feelings but this is a red flag to me and feel you should be a bit proactive.

Here goes...

Why has your daughter not been complaining about all this? Even toddlers will generally notice when everyone has something that they don't or that everyone else is doing something that they're not being included. Does your daughter need a bit of help with expressive language? There may be some issue that needs attention.

I wouldn't make a big deal to her but definitely initiative a conversation such as "sweetie, did kids bring pajamas to school today? Would you like to have a pajama party here with mommy? Try to get a feel for what's happening so you can see if she needs any help.

Of course, this is only a precaution. Its possible she was simply embarrassed or too shy to say anything.

amother

Mint

Mon, Jun 14 2021, 1:23 am

amother [ Seablue ] wrote:

As a teacher, I c an tell you this is not ok. How is it possible that the teacher didn't notice you weren't getting messages about classroom activities? Did it not raise a red flag that your daughter never had the prop, costume, supply, snack etc that was requested from the kids?

There definitely is a rotation for shabbos totties/mommies. Also, every teacher makes sure all the kids are in photos sent home.

There is something very wrong here. And don't be so sure you're daughter doesn't feel bad. She may have a hard time expressing her feelings but its doubtful that she wouldn't notice all the kids dressed in pajamas for instance.

I would definitely have a talk with the director. Don't be confrontational, just explain whats been happening and ask what could be done so that you get class messages and you're daughter included

Exactly this!!

amother

Buttercup

Mon, Jun 14 2021, 1:37 am

I’m crying for your daughter. She probably wished so many times that the Morah would pick her to be the shabbos mommy.
Your daughter probably didn’t pick up on the fact that she wasn’t in the newsletter. Did she ever come home and talk about something that happened in her class that she wasn’t a part of? How did she come home every day? Happy? Was she happy to go to school each morning or did she cry?
Is there an assistant who you can speak to since the main teacher is out? Please request that your daughter gets a turn to be the shabbos mommy this week.

amother

Quince

Mon, Jun 14 2021, 2:12 am

I had few of my kids teachers that were abusive over the years. Yes I call it abusive. Even to the degree of ignoring a child and making her feel invisible. I had a preschool teacher who always picked on my daughter. And a teacher who never gave her beads fir davening even though she was davening and trying. There were rabbis who bullied children etc etc. and others were much worse. These teaches are not suitable to be teachers. This is very sad. I think only in frum schools these teachers are not kicked out. It’s because we are afraid to make waves and raise H at the principal office because of our community issues.

amother

Mon, Jun 14 2021, 6:32 pm

Thanks for all the validation!
BH she would leave to go to school happy and come home everyday happy. Whenever she mentioned her morah she said it in a happy way and loves school. She's a happy kid and not the type to notice what others have or do that she doesn't. Also when she missed the dress up days she was only 2 1/2 so she was too little to understand.
I spoke with the covering Morah about everything and she felt so bad too so she made sure my daughter is going to be Shabbos Ima the last day of school this week at least. She came home happy with her little shabbos ima note Smile

She'll have another morah for camp so I hope that's a better situation. It's an amazing school, I think this specific teacher just isn't good with organization and lists...

Bubby6

Mon, Jun 14 2021, 7:12 pm

amother [ Rainbow ] wrote:

I would say something. Blame it on your daughter being sad that she never got turn to be shabbos ima or to see herself in the newsletter or to see her simcha announcements and can they make sure that over the summer she gets a turn to be ima and some pictures in the newsletter.

I've had this, in my case it was the teacher not liking me/ my daughter couldn't figure out which one of us she didn't like or why but we were both treated badly.

Please don't lie.

amother

Snow

Mon, Jun 14 2021, 8:37 pm

Just gonna go on a little tangent here:
I noticed that my preschooler was never in any pictures and was the only one not included for several weeks on a row. I asked the teacher and he had some social issues and didn't want to participate in any class activities or interact with others. It was one of the early signs which led to him being evaluated.

OP, good thing your daughter is happy. I would make sure she doesn't have that teacher again. Now that the school year is over, I don't see much benefit in discussing with her.

amother

Glitter

Tue, Jun 15 2021, 11:54 pm

OP, I totally get you and I would be very upset too. When I get the newsletter, I am not looking at any of the other children. I only look for my kid, as I'm sure every other mother does.

Your story brought to mind something that happened to me when I was in first grade.
My teacher had a special decorated siddur. Each week, on Friday she would announce the name of one girl who could take home the siddur and bring back on Monday.

Each week I waited for my name to be called, but it never was. Finally, it came the week that I knew that every other girl had a turn. I was the only one left who never took home the siddur. I knew I was not the best behaved kid, but I still figured I would get it, since it was only fair.

Friday came and it was the last 5 minutes of class. The teacher made a grand announcement as usual about the special lucky girl who would get to take home the siddur. My heart was beating so hard because I KNEW it would be me. There was no one else...

But she called on another girl! A girl that already HAD a turn. Involuntarily, I said out loud, "UGH!"

The teacher heard and said, "Wait, you had a turn already, didn't you?"

My eyes filled with tears and I said, "No!"

It was clear that the teacher thought everyone had a turn so she started giving second turns. She probably felt bad. In the end, since she had already announced the other girl's name, she let her take home the siddur and then I got to take it home the following week.

In my case, it seemed to have been an innocent mistake. But I still remember the feeling of being the only one who didnt get a turn. It was a very bad feeling.