Owning a smart phone impact parenting

amother

Copper

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 12:07 pm

amother [ NeonOrange ] wrote:

I agree with the poster who said we tend to over romanticize the past. Sure, my parents obviously didn't have smartphones in the 90s, but they still shooed us off to play so they could read a magazine, watch a TV show, yak on the land line with a friend. What difference does it make that a parent today does the same thing so they can scroll through Facebook?

^^^^ This.

No one stared at their kids 24/7, smartphone or not.

You use your smartphone while your kids play? My mom watched her soaps, and my grandmother hung out on the porch talking to the neighbors. If anything, there is MORE helicopter parenting, more moment to moment interactions between parents and kids, than ever in the past.

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 3:22 pm

smss wrote:

All of you self-hating imamother users:

I'm assuming you're still here because something here is filling a need for you. Maybe by being more discerning about which discussions you get involved in, or even which threads you click on in the first place, or which threads you even see (which is a setting I believe it's possible to change), you can get more of what's working for you and less of what's not.

I agree with this completely. Don’t click aimlessly, click mindfully and you can turn it into a positive.

amother

Bergamot

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 3:28 pm

amother [ Gardenia ] wrote:

I agree with this completely. Don’t click aimlessly, click mindfully and you can turn it into a positive.

I don't. I only click on threads that I feel like I can add something to. But so many times, normal innocent threads get turned into a rude bashfest from one minute to the next. Very few threads manage to stay nice and calm the entire thread.

ora_43

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 4:21 pm

Specifically a smartphone, I don't see much of a difference. It only affects what exactly I can do while on the bus/ at the park/ etc, not whether I'm mentally present.

In general, I think technology/distraction goes both ways. With internet at home I'm more likely to get distracted at certain times of the day, but I'm also able to have a much closer relationship with family overseas, I'm able to save a fair amount of time on shopping, and I'm more aware of neighborhood events and other opportunities to do things my kids might like.

I may be more likely to be distracted during outings, but I'm also more likely to be able to go on outings in the first place, since it's turned from a question of "can I afford to take the afternoon off" to "will it be OK if I get a couple hours of work in at the science museum instead of at my desk."

Honestly, since my kids stopped being babies I never spent my time at the park literally just watching them and not doing anything else, even in pre-smartphone days (I'm dating myself, but not by much, since I got my first smartphone something like 5 years ago). I usually had some kind of coursework or work-work to stay busy with when the kids were playing nicely. I did talk to mommy-friends if they were around, but then, I still do that.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 4:45 pm

No impact for me. My kids are older now, and smartphones only became a thing relatively late into their lives. But I don’t see a difference in my parenting pre and post smartphone. If anything, it was very helpful when I googled activities to do with them, recipes, etc. BH for Chabad because their website was what inspired my husband and I to become frum and we utilized it with our children on our smartphones.

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:07 pm

smss wrote:

The years I struggle with depression and no social life I basically live here.

amother

Babypink

Mon, Jun 21 2021, 11:50 pm

amother [ Mimosa ] wrote:

Reading through the thread it seems like those who are naturally anxious/ depressed or have a hard time being around their kids all day see it as a positive while most of those who naturally enjoy being around their kids see it as decidedly negative. Interesting.

I actually love being around my kids, but it's very normal to need adult-level mental stimulation. The world has become so fast paced in recent years, and the era of the 80's stay-at-home-mom is gone... So today's stay-at-home-moms /part-time working moms (I'm in the second category), who are few and far between amongst a world of 3/4time and fulltime working moms (at least in my circles) crave adult interaction and stimulation because they feel isolated and uninspired.... The smartphone offers that. On top of all that, as you mentioned, I am pre-disposed to anxiety/depression, which makes everything more intense for me- but it's really about the state of our world in general that has led to a dependence on smartphones for interaction and stimulation.

amother

Watermelon

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 2:49 am

I'm a single mother in a very difficult situation & can struggle with MH. Smartphone, technology, etc is my lifeline. I would not survive without it. It allows me to connect with others when everyone is so busy with their lives and distract myself. If I didnt have these challenges though I would say it would be a curse not a blessing.

tp3

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 6:21 am

I chose no impact although little impact might have been more accurate.
With my smartphone I connect daily to family and friends which keeps me sane.
I don't do FB or Instagram or watch anything longer than :10.
I'm mainly on whatsapp and have all notifications muted. My ringtone is never on although I have no landline.

I use the camera a lot to take pictures and videos of my kids, double check recipes online, make grocery and Amazon orders, check the weather, and Imamother a few times a day.

I'm conscious of my kids watching me when I'm holding my phone and I try to put it out of sight. Sometimes my kids will walk past my phone as its lying on the counter and say Ma you have a message. I tell them that's ok, I don't need to come running every time I get a message. To show them that the phone is not the most important thing in life.

I also sometimes google answers to random questions my kids ask me or show them a quick picture or video. For ex my 6 yr old wanted to see how a turtle hides under its shell and more recently what Queen Elizabeth looks like. 😅

amother

Calendula

Tue, Jun 22 2021, 9:06 am

I switched to a flip-phone some time ago, and have never looked back. I miss plenty of my smartphone, but my kids don't.
The problem is that I still have my laptop and use it too much. Definitly would be more if I had the smartphone, but I do have to work on it.