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Neighbor Banned Her Daughter From Playing in Our Home
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 9:15 am
amother [ Fern ] wrote:
It's these sheltered people lots of times which protect the rapists and close their ears when someone tells them about warnings within community people that are suspicious and confirmed dangerous, I don't want to hear it's nivel peh...


Please - I’m so frustrated with amother.

Yes. Us mother’s who don’t give our kids access to technology happily harbor rapists and molesters in our community.

“These sheltered ppl” those pariahs of society hide rapists and molesters.

Your telling me it doesn’t happen in other communities. I can list for you MO colleges and high schools were this happened and was hidden for years. And they embrace and utilize technology correctly. So how does technology prevent this?

Since the first page those who choose to not use technology with their kids have been told it’s bad chinuch. Worthless chinuch. We are bad ppl. Our kids will turn to far worse.
It’s so wonderful to have our parenting so deeply criticized on here.

But only “these sheltered ppl” do this.

Other gems:
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:


I agree with chancy that some parents are under the illusion they can micromanage who their kids are exposed to. It's not healthy. IME kids who were limited much more than their peers in the same community, do not turn out any more ehrlich or refined. They usually make up for their lack of exposure the moment they can.
I.


amother [ Camellia ] wrote:

I believe the kids are receiving a weaker chinuch, .
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 9:20 am
amother [ Yarrow ] wrote:
No I am comparing the posters making leitzanus and suggesting these women belong on mars to those who mocked our grandmothers. Whether it floats your boat or not don’t mock people trying to keep their families pure.



Stop the sanctimonious garbage
Stop it now

OPs neighbor could of and should of called her

Neighbor: can I ask you to please give me your word you won’t let my daughter see your phone while she is at your house

OP: sure no problem

Instead ops neighbor chose not to think , not be a mensh and hurt a little girl in the guise of fake frumkeit
That is a billion times worse than having a c as mart phone
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 9:24 am
Deleted
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wif




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 9:37 am
Anyone want to do a little study? Go through this thread, and see which side of this conflict resorts to ridicule, shaming, name calling. It is truly fascinating. It does make one wonder which side is truly sanctimonious and close minded after all.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 9:39 am
amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:
Or the parents gave that reason to their child and not the real reason

Remember we are hearing this from the 10 yr old - not the parents.

Or the child misunderstood which has happened to me more than once
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amother
Broom


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 9:40 am
wif wrote:
Anyone want to do a little study? Go through this thread, and see which side of this conflict resorts to ridicule, shaming, name calling. It is truly fascinating. It does make one wonder which side is truly sanctimonious and close minded after all.

Maybe people have standards that don't allow them to be nice to people on your side.
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amother
Stone


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 10:18 am
wif wrote:
Anyone want to do a little study? Go through this thread, and see which side of this conflict resorts to ridicule, shaming, name calling. It is truly fascinating. It does make one wonder which side is truly sanctimonious and close minded after all.

That's not an appropriate response to people who are in pain. I step on your toe and you yell ouch, who's the bad one?
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 10:19 am
Lovable wrote:
According to YOUR family's standards, your post might be 100% true. But it is obviously not the case with a family of different standards. And if you cant respect that then just keep quiet. Dont dub them 'holier than thou'. There is nothing wrong with having, setting and enforcing ones standards.
In familys where smartphones are not acceptable, they might have beautiful erev Shabbos PHONE calls with bobby (old fashioned, but remember those?). And dont think that their bobby is less happy then yours
Lets not be silly
Every single one of us have standards that we are not ready to lower
For one it might be smartphone use
for another kashrus
for a third, middos
Lets respect each other
Maybe Op's neighbor should have done it in a nicer way, and I truly feel for OP who's feelings were hurt.
But thats got nothing to do with the fact that the neighbor is trying to raise her kids with standards she is not ready to lower.



The fact that you equate smart phones with middos shows me that you are very very far from Torah
The Reishis Chochma says if someone hurts a yeed feelings lishma they are nofel lgehennom, free fall
As opposed to yored ,very briefly

Penina lost a child every time she caused Chana pain. She only wanted her to dav better

What enrages most about this thread. Is OP neighbor did something VERY VERY BAD...full stop...
No but her standards...

You dont run someone over rushing to get to shul....
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amother
Yarrow


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 10:57 am
amother [ Fern ] wrote:
It's these sheltered people lots of times which protect the rapists and close their ears when someone tells them about warnings within community people that are suspicious and confirmed dangerous, I don't want to hear it's nivel peh...


I don’t know about OPs house but I definitely don’t want my kid in your house. It’s sad how some talk tolerance and love but spew intolerance and hate at those who are different than them.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 10:58 am
naturalmom5 wrote:
The fact that you equate smart phones with middos shows me that you are very very far from Torah
The Reishis Chochma says if someone hurts a yeed feelings lishma they are nofel lgehennom, free fall
As opposed to yored ,very briefly

Penina lost a child every time she caused Chana pain. She only wanted her to dav better

What enrages most about this thread. Is OP neighbor did something VERY VERY BAD...full stop...
No but her standards...

You dont run someone over rushing to get to shul....


Can you take it easy here.
I don't know who OP is, but her neighbor didn't run her over.
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nchr




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 11:01 am
What is bizarre to me is that a small child was told the reason is a smartphone. That is just inappropriate. The woman doesn't need to explain her choices to the OP and likely OP is aware of potential social consequences of her choices. No explanation was necessary, but the neighbor was wrong to tell her child that. Saying "Mommy doesn't want you should play at the neighbors" is good enough for a small child. Also, side point, in most communities where smartphones are a real issue, children themselves would be afraid to play in a house where they could see one.
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Lovable




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 11:21 am
naturalmom5 wrote:
The fact that you equate smart phones with middos shows me that you are very very far from Torah
The Reishis Chochma says if someone hurts a yeed feelings lishma they are nofel lgehennom, free fall
As opposed to yored ,very briefly

Penina lost a child every time she caused Chana pain. She only wanted her to dav better

What enrages most about this thread. Is OP neighbor did something VERY VERY BAD...full stop...
No but her standards...

You dont run someone over rushing to get to shul....

Gosh, take chill pill please. I did not equate. I simply stated that EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN STANDARDS which is true.
And why are you equating Ops hurt feelings to Chana? Bizzare. But thats not the point of my response
Im not sure why Im even bothering to respond to your post, but you have no right, and it outright rude of you to say that my post shows that I am far from Torah. Shame on you
Forget about respecting other peoples standards - which is something Im trying to point out in earlier posts - maybe we need to start talking about simple respect for each other
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amother
Quince


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 11:30 am
amother [ Broom ] wrote:
Maybe people have standards that don't allow them to be nice to people on your side.


I really don't understand this.. I was going to leave this but it got 'likes'.
What does this mean? Isn't decent mentchlich behavior axiomatic to Yiddishkeit.

You cant hurt people bc of your values. Especially if there's an easy way to avoid it. (Again, I'm not advocating having the playdate. Just don't talk to your children about other people in a disparaging way.)

What about all the stories of gedolim. The rav who used less water to wash netilas yadayim bc he didn't want to be matriach the kitchen workers who shlepped the water.. (I think Rav Yisroel Salanter.zt"l)

And The rav who used a different kiddush becher the week after his wife was niftar. Until then he had used her fathers, but now wanted to use a different more machmir shiur. In her lifetime he was mechabed her and her father. once she was niftar and in the olam haEmes he felt he could go for the chumara and the Chazon Ish shiur. ( I think this was Rav Dessler Ztl
.
There are so many stories like this. The backbone of chinuch. Middos is essential, and put that before anything else. And it doesn't mean sacrificing standards.

This post is so disturbing to me. to be Ok with hurting people if it can easily be avoided. Stay in your lane ,keep your standards . If you have good middos you can work it out. Just don't be rude or condescending about it.
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amother
Broom


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 11:49 am
amother [ Quince ] wrote:
You cant hurt people bc of your values. Especially if there's an easy way to avoid it.

I said that ironically, not trying to be hurtful. It is absurd to argue that the people who are against hurting people are the real baddies because this topic gets them more riled up compared to the people who are okay with hurting people.
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amother
Quince


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 12:02 pm
amother [ Broom ] wrote:
I said that ironically, not trying to be hurtful. It is absurd to argue that the people who are against hurting people are the real baddies because this topic gets them more riled up compared to the people who are okay with hurting people.


It took me 3 rereads to understand that! I tend to miss irony.
Thanks for explaining.
(Was looking for a question mark button. But can see how that would be misused.)

I hear you loud and clear.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 12:09 pm
I find it comical that a few days ago there was a thread about a kid whose parent was not vaccinated and another kid wasnt allowed to play there. Everyone was sooo understanding. Guess what? To some of us, allowing our kids into your home if you have a smartphone, even if you wont show it to our kids, is not something we feel comfortable with for whatever reason. Let us see a bit off acceptance here.
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Lovable




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 12:15 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
I find it comical that a few days ago there was a thread about a kid whose parent was not vaccinated and another kid wasnt allowed to play there. Everyone was sooo understanding. Guess what? To some of us, allowing our kids into your home if you have a smartphone, even if you wont show it to our kids, is not something we feel comfortable with for whatever reason. Let us see a bit off acceptance here.

Comical is the word
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 12:16 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
I find it comical that a few days ago there was a thread about a kid whose parent was not vaccinated and another kid wasnt allowed to play there. Everyone was sooo understanding. Guess what? To some of us, allowing our kids into your home if you have a smartphone, even if you wont show it to our kids, is not something we feel comfortable with for whatever reason. Let us see a bit off acceptance here.


I think there was a big difference, or two, or three:

First: In that situation, that parent spoke to the other parent directly.
Second: It doesn't change that Shabbos/yom tov should be a non-issue in this scenario since no one would be using electronics at all--whereas resolution of the other situation requires some permanent albeit one time decision.
Third: It's not tied to "middos" or judgment of character (the other discussion) like it is here.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 12:23 pm
amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:
Or the parents gave that reason to their child and not the real reason

Remember we are hearing this from the 10 yr old - not the parents.


I came to post this. I wouldn't rely on a 10yr for accuracy. Her mother might have another reason she wasn't comfortable admitting to her daughter, and used the smartphone as an excuse. Or the 10yr old misunderstood something her mother said (which often happens with children).
If op had come on and said she had spoken to the mother and this is what the mother said, then I get some of the outrage.
But the same way people using smartphones want tolerance and acceptance for them, I think there should be the same tolerance back. I admire people who are able to hold strong to their values in todays world. It's not easy. The problem with this site is there are certain hot buttons that call for outrage and other issues get more acceptance.
I feel like Op should have a honest discussion with the mother-I noticed Gitty hasn't been coming to our house recently-is something wrong?
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Tue, Jun 22 2021, 12:26 pm
NotInNJMommy wrote:
I think there was a big difference, or two, or three:

First: In that situation, that parent spoke to the other parent directly.
Second: It doesn't change that Shabbos/yom tov should be a non-issue in this scenario since no one would be using electronics at all--whereas resolution of the other situation requires some permanent albeit one time decision.
Third: It's not tied to "middos" or judgment of character (the other discussion) like it is here.


First of all ppl on here have judged those of us that restrict our children technology over and over on this thread.
It’s even been said those that don’t use technology harbor rapists. Their chinuch is weak. They are pushing their kids off derech. Etc. this from many posters.
I don’t see how that isn’t judgemental. One mother may have done something wrong and an entire segment of yoddishkeit is ridiculed and thrown under the bus.
Is that better? Less judgemental? Better midfos?
Secondly this Entire thread is based off something one 10 yr old said to another 10 yr old. We aren’t even sure if that is the real reason or If she understood.
An entire community is being vilified based on something a 10 yr old may have been told. That is amazing middos. I feel so loved by other Jews.
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