PSA: Kids and Secrets S/O of other thread

Chayalle

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:44 am

I thought of posting this in the thread with OP saying her neighbor's kid won't play at their home because she has a smartphone. But really my point is somewhat OT there, and is it's own topic, hence this spin-off.

PSA: When you tell your kid a secret and tell them not to tell, high percentage guarantee they will end up telling.

This is based on my own life experiences, so feel free to agree or disagree. But I've seen it born out so many times.

When I was in early elementary school, my parents decided, for various reasons to change me to a different school for the rest of my elementary school years. My mother told me not to tell anyone (I'm sure she had her reasons.)

Full disclosure - I first told my best friend, who told another few girls, and in short order it wasn't a secret anymore.

A relative of mine told her kids not to tell my kids and other cousins about their upcoming vacation plans. So they told my kids right away.

And in the thread by the OP, I bet the neighbor told her kid not to tell OP's kid the reason she can't come to their home. But kids don't keep secrets. So she told, and OP and kid are hurt.

I could think of pages of examples.

MORAL - don't burden kids with secrets. Don't expect them to keep them - they probably won't. If you don't want it told, don't tell them.

amother

Offwhite

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:48 am

I agree with you. The only time you should tell kids to keep it a secret is if you are planning a surprise party for someone, etc. And then only according to the child's maturity level, if you think they actually can and will keeo it secret.

Chayalle

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:50 am

amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:

I think in such a case, the secret is for a relatively short amount of time. So it's less of a burden.

I think longer-term secrets - especially one like the OP's neighbor's child has been told - is so unfair. So much for a child to carry. And now - to deal with the fallout of having told.