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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
OP
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:35 am
I just got a swimming teacher for my 9 year old son and she showed up in a bikini. My husband wants me to call her and ask her to wear a shirt or something over it.
Can someone pls teach me how to say it nicely.
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amother
Calendula
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:41 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I just got a swimming teacher for my 9 year old son and she showed up in a bikini. My husband wants me to call her and ask her to wear a shirt or something over it.
Can someone pls teach me how to say it nicely. |
Is it possible to have someone else? There are many men who teach swimming. It's hard to get a female teacher and then discuss their swimsuit. Though obviously there are types of bikinis...
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amother
Blush
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:48 am
If she is familiar with your community I wouldn’t ask anything of her. and I would withdraw and explain why respectfully.
She may be offended. Depends where she is coming from. If From the community she obviously knows and has made her choice. Someone who doesn’t come from the community can often be more respectful. She knows you are religious.
Or I shouldnt assume. It depends on where she is coming from.
(My son learns with frum women dressed in swim clothes top to toe. )
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greenteaorange
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:58 am
Tsniut aside it’s very strange for even a non Jewish swim instructor to be teaching children in a bikini.. most lifeguards and swim instructor would wear a regular swim piece.
I think you can ask her to wear something else since this is just strange and unprofessional
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 1:19 am
She's not Jewish. I don't how if she has any religious clients. I got her number from a non frum friend of mine. I have a female teacher because she's also teaching my girls. I rant didn't expect her to come in a bikini and half her boobs are sticking out. Can someone pls dictate exactly what I should tell her?
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champagne
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 2:55 am
First of all, she will definitely get offended. I would probably just leave, honestly. I’d imagine after a conversation like this, your relationship will be strained.
However, if you really want a script:
“Hi Amy!
First of all, thank you so much for *something that you appreciate — giving your girls a great experience or whatever.*
One more thing, I feel terrible about bringing this up—I know this is just a cultural difference and I truly don’t mean to offend.
Is it possible to wear a cover-up or rash guard when you’re teaching my kids? I know that’s a really big ask, but if you’d feel comfortable with that, I’d be so grateful.”
I wouldn’t explain why because that would possibly invite an argument.
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amother
Chestnut
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 3:32 am
I think you don't realize how rude it is to tell someone else how to dress on their turf.
Get another teacher for your son.
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DrMom
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 3:53 am
amother [ Chestnut ] wrote: | I think you don't realize how rude it is to tell someone else how to dress on their turf.
Get another teacher for your son. |
Is the pool at OP's home? If so, it is not unreasonable to ask her to wear something more modest.
If not, you can ask (very diplomatically), and if she declines, you can find another instructor.
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notshanarishona
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 4:30 am
Ideally a 9 year old son should be learning with a male instructor anyway. Once you are going coed you might as well find a man. It will make it easier and more comfortable.
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allthingsblue
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:19 am
Let her teach your girls and find someone else for your son.
This is completely normal swim attire in the world at large.
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amother
Red
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:22 am
Most lifeguards wear speedo one pieces and it is strange that she showed up otherwise. Look around the next time you're at a rented pool/water park. All one pieces per protocol.
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amother
Iris
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:23 am
Our female swim instructor wore a wet suit since she was in the water all day
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amother
Impatiens
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:27 am
amother [ Red ] wrote: | Most lifeguards wear speedo one pieces and it is strange that she showed up otherwise. Look around the next time you're at a rented pool/water park. All one pieces per protocol. |
Exactly, plus, it's uncomfortable for them otherwise. And at an outdoor pool for sure they don't want to be exposed to so much sun all day.
I've never come across a professional instructor wearing a bikini. They all wear some kind of cover up at the very least. Doesn't sound like a certified professional instructor, which you really should have if she's teaching swim lessons.
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amother
Aubergine
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:28 am
OP- are the lessons at her pool or yours? If at her pool, you cannot say anything (though I agree with all the posters that say unprofessional to teach in anything but a one-piece). If at your pool, you can explain its a cultural issue and would it be ok for her to wear a rashguard.
I see this has all been covered upthread. Best of luck! My kids take swim lessons in Manhattan and it's a pretty even mix male/female instructors. The female ones wear very modest one-piece suits.
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groovy1224
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:30 am
allthingsblue wrote: | Let her teach your girls and find someone else for your son.
This is completely normal swim attire in the world at large. |
For swimming lessons though? I think a bikini is an inappropriate choice for a swim teacher in any culture. Especially a super revealing one, which is what OP is making it sound like it was. I'll be honest, if I was a 9 year old I'd probably find it distracting. I'd spend half the lesson giggling about 'boobies'.
I don't think there's any diplomatic way of asking her to cover up, so unless she's really fantastic and you specifically want her, I'd probably just find someone else.
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amother
Impatiens
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:33 am
groovy1224 wrote: | For swimming lessons though? I think a bikini is an inappropriate choice for a swim teacher in any culture. Especially a super revealing one, which is what OP is making it sound like it was. I'll be honest, if I was a 9 year old I'd probably find it distracting. I'd spend half the lesson giggling about 'boobies'.
I don't think there's any diplomatic way of asking her to cover up, so unless she's really fantastic and you specifically want her, I'd probably just find someone else. |
And that's just one reason why you won't find a professional certified lifeguard or instructor dressed that way on the job. Doesn't sound like op hired one.
Even on Baywatch the female lifeguards wore one piece suits lol.
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cat81
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 9:27 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I just got a swimming teacher for my 9 year old son and she showed up in a bikini. My husband wants me to call her and ask her to wear a shirt or something over it.
Can someone pls teach me how to say it nicely. |
Tell her it to her straight - dress appropriately.
My kids have had private lessons for 10+ years and never once had an instructor dress like that even the 20-25 yr olds.
I’ve never seen lifeguards working at camps, beach, water parks etc... dress like that either.
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amother
Cappuccino
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 9:30 am
My kids go to separate swimming lessons. But even my girls teachers wear cover ups over their swimsuits, like a tshirt or something. At one swim school they all had a tshirt with their name on that they wore on top, the men and the women. Bikini is for leisure, completely unprofessional to wear for kids swim lessons
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amother
Babyblue
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 10:02 am
My girls went to a non jewish swim school/lessons and all instructors were wearing either shorts and tee or a tee over a swimsuit. I've never seen a lifeguard or instructor in a bikini, it's inappropriate. I wouldn't want her to teach girls either. I wouldn't have her back.
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amother
NeonOrange
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Thu, Jun 24 2021, 10:04 am
notshanarishona wrote: | Ideally a 9 year old son should be learning with a male instructor anyway. Once you are going coed you might as well find a man. It will make it easier and more comfortable. |
Her dds will be uncomfortable.
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