Looking for some chinuch tips and support

esthermalka

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 6:08 pm

Hello ladies,
my father is Jewish and my mother is not. I have a chareidi giyur and am a mom of three wonderful boys 4, 2 and 6 months! B"H!
I live in a small community in Germany. I am looking for a nice heimishe lady who could advise me on a little bit on chinuch. I read a lot of books etc, listen to shiurim but it's hard to translate concepts into actions you do every day. I am missing the Jewish upbringing that I didn't get.

For example: What do I do if my son's says he doesn't want to say Shema?
I usually say "ok I say it for you". Of course I don't want to force him I want my children to be religious from their hearts and not to please me! But at the same time I don't want to give in.

Also I speak of HaShem a lot but I don't know how to explain to him who or what Hashem is!

I am not sure I think he assumes HaShem is a person.

Any tipps ?!? I have no one else to ask!

Would be so happy to learn from you

amother

Cherry

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 6:41 pm

Happy and emotionally healthy children first. Hashem doesn't need his Shema. He needs a child who loves Him.
Search for rabbi Shimon Russell lcsw on YouTube or podcasts

esuss

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 6:51 pm

In the example you gave. I wouldn’t give him a chance to voice a choice. At bedtime sit near him or wherever you usually are and just say it aloud. He will either say it with you or will just listen. If it’s davening in the morning the same thing. This is not coercion or telling him what he has to do. Just getting him used to the routine of davening and saying Shema when it’s appropriate. As he gets older he will learn the meaning behind it and will start to love davening because that is what he wants to do.

Read him children’s books that demonstrate how children daven or say Shema before bed.

Also teach by example let him see you davening and then he will want to follow your example.

chay

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 8:17 pm

esuss wrote:

Beautifully said

esuss

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 8:37 pm

There is a book called “ who is the builder” written by Genendel Krohn. I see that it is sold on Amazon or you could buy it from Jewish book store. It is written for children your son’s age and teaches them basic belief in Hashem. It is beautifully written and illustrated.

amother

Brickred

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 8:39 pm

At this age you dont need to ask or give options its just something thats part of the routine if he actively opts out I would let it slide for example something like negel vasser.
I would do the same things with brachos before food just say them out loud and it will become ingrained. At a different time maybe in school or thru childrens books and CDs he will learn the beauty and meaning behind them.

imasinger

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 8:41 pm

Esuss is spot on about saying shema.

Explaining about Hashem isn't easy for anyone. There are plenty of Jewish books that can help.

It's generally taught to young children that Hashem made the world, and everything in it. We say thank you to Hashem by saying a bracha.

It's taught that Hashem isn't a person. Hashem is the One that made people, as well as everything else.

You can try dissolving some sugar in a glass of water, and explain that even though we can't see the sugar, it's still there. Let him taste the sugar water. Then, explain that even though we can't see Hashem, we still know Hashem is there.

You can play the Uncle Moishy song, "Hashem is here, Hashem is there, Hashem is truly everywhere."
Hashem Is Here https://g.co/kgs/9Xg74s

You can talk about how Hashem gave us the Torah, and that's why we do our best to follow it and learn it.

But the best teaching is by modeling and translating. Every time your children can see you thinking about and talking to Hashem, and you can translate what you are saying, you are deepening and enriching their understanding.

avrahamama

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 8:42 pm

So we have a thank you Hashem song that I made up. And each child adds something that they're thankful for each day. As we sing that we move into shema. So it's not so much a say Shema and go to sleep kind of thing. It's more of a natural transition. Its never a demand or command.

Really I find that talking about Hashem all day and every day is what gives them a foundation for wanting to talk to Hashem in all different ways. They all have different ideas if Hashem. They're little and HE is so huge for even us grown ups to know. But they know Hashem created everything. They know Hashem controls everything. They know Hashem loves us. They know Hashem wants our mitzvot and brachot. And sometimes we aren't so careful to make a Bracha or daven. But we always always always talk to Hashem and thank Hashem.

amother

Celeste

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:05 pm

Op- you’re amazing for thinking of how to best raise your children to love Hashem and His Torah.
Don’t worry so much about the details of the particular mitzvos. Rather, teach by example. Let your children see how you love to do mitzvos. In general, make your home a happy, warm, loving place.

flowerpower

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 10:42 pm

Bring hashem into your daily life—

Baruch hashem we found the toy we were looking for

Hashem is so good to us. He made the weather beautiful so we can enjoy the outing today

Thank you hashem that had a good time today at the zoo. We got to see the beautiful and interesting animals he created

Look at all the yummy fruits and vegetables that are growing. Isnt hashem amazing?

esthermalka

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 11:11 pm

thank you everyone for all the helpful replies and tips!!! I will look into the recommendations you gave and it brought me a clearer picture of the actual *practical* side of chinuch in the early years. I listen to A LOT of shiurim on chinuch so that I will know but sometimes a situation comes up and I just don't know "what am I supposed to do now?".
The responsibility of a mother is so huge it's overwhelming at times. I am a lot alone with the kids, sleepless nights, etc. And technically I am expected to model the Torah behaviour and that's such a huge task!
Thank you all for your help
G-D bless ❤️

amother

Milk

Wed, Jun 23 2021, 11:30 pm

Kol hakovod to you.
Like everyone said. Modeling Emuna and bitachon , simchas hachaim and doing mitzvos , is most effective.

On Naaleh there are shiurim from Rebetzen heller on Chinuch. https://www.naaleh.com/
she goes through each age group.
I find it very helpful and listened multiple times.

flmommy

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 12:04 am

Do you live in a frum community? As a BT I rely a lot on the guidance of my rebebtzin, the school I send my kids to and my neighbors who have become my frum family as well as learning and growing. I can’t imagine trying to raise frum kids without this community.

amother

Beige

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 3:02 am

Op I think you're fab.
You say bothering is so enormous and challenging and you're right. But don't forget the best thing a mama can give her kids is a warm happy home. And a happy confident mama. So don't beat yourself up. Sure listen to shiurim and work on yourself but love hug and play with the kids more than anything.
I agree with other posters just keep modeling your emesdik self

amother

Beige

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 3:03 am

Just wanted to add kids Jewish CDs are great. Marvellous middos machine. Uncle Moishe. Etc. They teach middos without the kids even realising they are learning. As they get a little bigger Torah avenue teaches parsha a little ...
Great for the car especially!!!

esthermalka

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 5:04 am

Hello,

I am want to apologize for "hugging" all of your posts. I meant to hug you ...like appreciating what you wrote I thought it's something nice!

I am new here and still figuring out. So anyone who got a hug it was a thank you I appreciate you virtual hug!

esthermalka

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 5:06 am

flmommy wrote:

We are 4 religious families. That's our community. Two Gerim and two BT. We all don't have role models.