Why do I feel embarrassed/awkward

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amother

PlumPink

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 3:31 pm

I don’t work and I didn’t have a baby in 8 years. I did work for over 20 years though. Everyone’s life situation is different. We aren’t all doing the same thing because our lives are so different. There’s no right and wrong.

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 3:58 pm

SuperWify wrote:

And that answer usually is, “well I manage somehow and I work full time.”

So I usually just answer, “stuff.”

To that I would say "wow you are amaaaaaaazing"
basically show them how childish they sound when they need to show off how "toiglech" they are
(cant think of a better word than that lol)

amother

DarkMagenta

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 4:05 pm

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

navyblue- some people take pride in their job and can't understand people who don't work, nothing to do with finances...

and not all stay at home mom's are financially comfortable. You can see other threads on here about that.

and some people take pride in raising their kids and can't understand mothers of babies who work when they don't need to.

lamplighter

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 4:06 pm

I get this too.

What do you do?
I am a SAHM.
Oh.
Radio silence.

The silence is what makes me feel like I have to explain myself or that I should be doing something else.

zaq

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 4:09 pm

You don't "not work." You're a SAHM and/or a homemaker. That's work. Unless you mean to say you're independently wealthy, have a domestic staff to take care of the house and all you do is loll on the couch eating chocolate bonbons and reading gossip rags all day, in which case your feelings of shame are fully justified.

happy chick

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 4:42 pm

I can't wait foe the day when I can proudly tell people that I'm a sahm. I'm wishing for the day...

In the meantime, I once read an article where a woman who felt like you gave herself a title. She started telling people "I'm a research associate in the field of child development and human relations".

amother

Mintcream

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 4:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When people ask me what I do (as a job) and I tell them that I’m not working right now. I have a few kids, youngest under a year old and I am grateful to be able to stay home with her. But I feel so awkward telling people that I don’t have a job. The conversation usually peters out and it’s hard for me to make eye contact...

Recently I had a neighborhood get together, (we don’t know each other so well yet) and one woman asked “anyone not working?” So I said “ya, I’m not working these days bH.” But that was the end of the conversation. Why was she even asking? I thought maybe she isn’t working now either (she had a baby recently...) but the conversation just ended awkwardly. (Or what felt awkward to me.)

Ideally, women who are available during regular working hours should know about each other and get together- it would be nice to have more of a social life. Why don’t I even know anyone who doesn’t work? Do I have to go to the park and scout out someone who’s available?

If a mother tells me she is a SAHM my first reaction is “I’m so happy for her” or “maybe one day I will have the opportunity”. To be able to focus on your family instead of having to outsource your responsibilities or cram it in with some fallout is such a blessing! It is lucrative albeit with a different form of reward. Your husband and family surely benefit! Be confident in your choice and deflect any unwelcome judgement!

amother

Bottlebrush

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 4:59 pm

lamplighter wrote:

I get this too.

What do you do?
I am a SAHM.
Oh.
Radio silence.

The silence is what makes me feel like I have to explain myself or that I should be doing something else.

So when I get asked if I work I say yes I work at home . It's a full time job . Then I don't get that silence

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 5:14 pm

this is probably a s/o but what about a SAHM with her kids in school full time. do you judge those people? that's probably going to be me. I don't want to work and I don't think we'll need the money...

lamplighter

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 5:59 pm

amother [ Bottlebrush ] wrote:

So when I get asked if I work I say yes I work at home . It's a full time job . Then I don't get that silence

I don't find that the question is phrased like that.

How would you answer what do you do differently?

naturalmom5

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:07 pm

About 25 years years or so ago, a close friend told me

If someone asks her what she does all day she looks them straight in the eye and smiles brightly and says

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

I SIT ON A BEACH CHAIR AND DRINK MAI TAIS Very Happy

amother

DarkGray

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:15 pm

It so interesting that so many women have this experience. I work full time and find it SO hard to relate to other women in my community because hardly anyone works. And if they do work, they have a very low stress, very part time kind of job. I never get asked what I do!

amother

Ghostwhite

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:22 pm

I get asked what I do and when I tell them, I get dead silence and blank stares. No, I'm joking, I get "How INTERESTING!!!!! ---Uh, what's that?

amother

PlumPink

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:28 pm

amother [ Ghostwhite ] wrote:

I get asked what I do and when I tell them, I get dead silence and blank stares. No, I'm joking, I get "How INTERESTING!!!!! ---Uh, what's that?

What do you do?? I really want to know!!!!

amother

Seablue

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 7:53 pm

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

I have a friend married 7-8 years, no children. Her husband does well so she stopped working... sometimes I’ll ask her “did u do anything interesting today” and she’ll tell me if she did or didn’t.. I don’t judge how she spends her time ..

PeanutMama

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 8:02 pm

Yeah I had this conversation with my family many times.
They don’t understand this SAHM thing, they think that if a woman is strong and able to work, she should go to work. At least part time if she has young children.
I tell them I’m busy at home with my son and doing house stuff (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc) and grocery shopping….
They don’t get it hah. To them, I’m just being a lazy bum, doing absolutely nothing. Apparently taking care of the house and a young child isn’t “work”.

amother

Topaz

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 8:08 pm

I wish I didnt have to work
just had my first and had to go back to work after 6 weeks. great maternity leave lol.

I would just say "im a sahm mom" but I wouldnt say bh. if I heard that I would be turned off

amother

Khaki

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 8:16 pm

I worked full time at a pretty difficult job until I had my kids. Bh that was always my plan, and I discussed it off the bat with my husband. I even started dating later to make sure I had some money in the bank, before I had my own family. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job- but I always wanted to dedicate these early years w my kids. So now, I am home with them. And let me tell you, fancy degree and job with crazy hours, has got nothing on SAHM. I don't think I sat down yet today. Besides for endless cooking, cleaning and errands, I make art projects,sensory activities, reading, puppet shows, motor skill games, take them out to the park (where I think I run more then them lol) etc etc.... So Yes, I Definitely can appreciate stay at home mom and dont think its awkward and embarrassing at all. In fact, my friends and fam are usually in awe of it, admitting that they just cant do it full time. Some even spending more on childcare, than their salaries because stay at home is not for them.

amother

Yolk

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 9:15 pm

Funny because I work full-time and I usually get pitying glances that I actually work.

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Jun 24 2021, 9:42 pm

I find that people who work part time at a job they love are the ones who people think have it the best.

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