Should dh be open to son , breaking fast.

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note

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amother

PlumPink

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 12:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

That's nice. I totally get that, although we hold that women with children under the age of 2 don't need to fast these fasts. Definitely not when pregnant or nursing.

My son is still going strong bh, he's feeling quite nauseous now and has a headache , there's still just under 2 hours left! I told him if he thinks he needs to break it then he should. My dh is out learning with his chavrusa, ds doesn't know that dh has eaten and drunk a little. Seriously so little he still feels the sadness of the day etc. Ds doesn't have to know. He's still looking forward to the meal I'll be serving at 11.

Why would you tell him that? He has a chiyuv to fast until the end. If there are really extenuating circumstances, call a rov. It's not just nothing.

small bean

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 12:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's different when they're in bed, trying their best. My dh has been doing his usual Sunday stuff...

But happy to hear that it didn't have an effect on you.

On the minor fasts he wouldn't fast the minute he didn't feel okay so he wouldn't end up really sick. I only really saw him like that 9 av and yom kippur.

But my mother always fasted even while nursing and pregnant.

Today my parents asked me why I was fasting if I'm nursing and I was like my mother always fasted, I will fast unless I can't.... My mother said she couldn't answer to that. Lol

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 2:32 am

amother [ PlumPink ] wrote:

Why would you tell him that? He has a chiyuv to fast until the end. If there are really extenuating circumstances, call a rov. It's not just nothing.

I felt bad for him. It's not tisha b'av or yom kippur, there is a difference. I want him to know that there is that option. No need to wait until he's throwing up etc.

He managed in the end bh. I'm happy that he did it, if only for his self esteem etc!

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 2:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Eating chicken with cheese is the same level of issur. Would you be ok with that if he were really hungry and that was the only food available? Or would you ask him to tough it out? I'm not sure why people are so cavalier about fasting when they are healthy.

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 3:01 am

amother [ Dahlia ] wrote:

I'm not sure how you can compare the 2! In the war some of them had to eat treif just to survive. Asking me this example wouldn't happen nowadays bH, so no he wouldn't need to mix milk and meat bh bc we have an abundance of food available.

salt

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 3:14 am

BTW there is value in doing the 'wrong' thing בצנעה.
Of course best for you DH to ask a Rav if he can break his fast if he's feeling weak. But even if you do ask a Rav, as he is allowed to break his fast, one is meant to eat בצנעה - not in public.
There are many examples of this. Can't think of any now.
I think, for example, if you have to wash clothes for babies during the 9 days, you are not meant to hang them out to dry outside for everyone to see. You have a heter to do something, but do it inside your own home.
It's not hypocritical. It's just not shouting it from the rooftops - hey I'm not fasting.

Last edited by salt on Tue, Jun 29 2021, 5:04 am; edited 1 time in total

Chickensoupprof

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 3:20 am

Yesterday I got my 2nd vaccination and I didn't fast because what if I passed out of the hunger and standing up to quickly after the shot? I always almost faint when I get up. So I choose not to fast.
Once it was the tisha b'av but a day later because the real date was on that shabbos. It was literally a few weeks till my chassonne and I was not feeling ok, plus all the stress and being home alone in my appartment made a rav decide I should eat. Another time on Taanis Esther (my birthday!) I was going to London to my chosson (now husband) by plane and I was already feeling a bit funny. A rabbi said I need to eat while traveling.

Also here the yesterday fast ended at 11:17 I know that lots of people in the summer and fasting is so late don't feel well and decide to eat. Of course, you should say something to a rov. But sometimes it's just common sense one should eat especially on the minor fast days. Again I know lots of people who can't make it that late 11:17, after a shabbos that ended also that late.

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 3:27 am

Chickensoupprof wrote:

Exactly the Rabbonim are very lenient especially when the Taanis ends at 11!

I was told that I mustn't fast after going through a miscarriage by my Rav, this was tisha b'av. I was in a bit of labour type pain, no bleeding yet. Nothing unbearable at all. I was only to fast the evening. Even though I would've been fine to fast the whole day or at least half!

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 3:44 am

amother [ Dahlia ] wrote:

Eating chicken with cheese is the same level of issur.

Are you sure? Because there are many heterim for not fasting (nursing, sickness, medication etc)....but not for chicken with cheese.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 4:16 am

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

Are you sure? Because there are many heterim for not fasting (nursing, sickness, medication etc)....but not for chicken with cheese.

I specifically said for healthy adults.

amother

Brass

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 4:25 am

Why in the world would someone purposely mislead someone else?
Of course tell him. But help him realize that he is not his father and does not have his father's difficulties in fasting.
But to deceive? You can't be serious.

notshanarishona

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 5:15 am

The difference between a minor fast and eating chicken with cheese is that many rabannim hold that if you start feeling unwell enough to need to stay in bed that you can break it. You are not mechuyav to make yourself sick . You need to try, but I have been told more than once that once I am that weak that I am able to break it.

amother

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 5:17 am

amother [ Dahlia ] wrote:

I specifically said for healthy adults.

I still don't believe that they compare.

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