Shiva anxiety | Imamother

amother

Acacia

Tue, Jun 29 2021, 11:49 pm

I never feel comfortable going to a shiva call. However, then again, would it be right that I would ever feel comfortable?

I take a copy of the Hamakom prayer with me in case there isn't one printed out already.

cbs880

Wed, Jun 30 2021, 7:28 am

Just want to throw in another perspective..
I agree with you that a shiva call is anxiety inducing and I had to force myself to go everytime ( and sometimes opted not to..). But after having the experience of sitting shiva, I now see it from a different place. Yes, its draining for the aveilim, but when throngs of people showed up, it was a testament to how many people were touched/somehow effected by the deceased. On days with fewer visitors ( during day when people work) I remember feeling like it wasnt kovod for the meis because ppl didnt show up. I know that was irrational, it was just my thought pattern at the time.
Lately I make an effort to make shiva calls and if I cant physically go, at least send a heartfelt message or make a phone call. Its very comforting to the aveilim to show you care, and you can take your cues from them if they give off vibes they'd rather be alone; respect that. But its a huge mitzva and while it takes *everyone* out of their comfort zone, its ripple effects are immeasurable...you'd be surprised how many aveilim remember who came, and who didnt....