Teens and peer pressure

amother

Thu, Jul 01 2021, 10:14 pm

How do I teach DD to be more chilled (like me) and not so pressured by what her friends think, notice, say, wear. I honestly feel bad for her. The peer pressure is making her so nervous and anxious! Any good (Jewish author) book on this subject for her to read?

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 01 2021, 10:29 pm

Is this the first time she's ever had to face peer pressure?

With DD, it started in 4th grade, so I had lots of time to get her to understand that just because someone says something, that doesn't make it true.

Chayalle

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 11:25 am

Some of that chilled-ness comes with age and maturity. I wish I could go back and tell my teen self to chill and forget about the peer pressure and just enjoy life like I do now. But was a teen back then, and I had some growing up to do.

You can talk to her and model for her but at the end of the day, know that this is her life and what she's living right now. It's part of growing up.

amother

Magnolia

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 1:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think modeling is really important. She sees that you do things that are different than everyone else. I mean, I'm assuming that's so. If it is, point it out to her.

Also, keep her self-esteem up. How did you get your ability to be "chilled"? For me, my mother always told me how amazing I was. She let me pick my own clothes and hairstyle, and didn't intervene. Even though we have wildly different tastes, she felt it was important for me to express myself, and didn't criticize my style. She also didn't say things like, "Isn't everyone wearing xxx? Should I get you that?" Like, there was no emphasis at all about what everyone else was wearing.

amother

NeonGreen

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 3:07 pm

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

Honestly I do the opposite. I really get my kids what they want. I am very very generous and then they don’t feel needy.

The sky is the limit. I believe you need a happy medium. Sometimes I buy them what they want and sometimes I explain to them why it isnt really necessary or why this isnt what will make them happy. I actually point out how some of my neighbors who have your attitude aren’t even happy. I mean as soon as there’s a new toy, gadget or anything that someone else has they get it two days later. Even if its a complete downgrade from the high end stuff they already own. And they are the owns creating the peer pressure among the rest of the kids!
‘Things’ dont make one happy! If yes, these kids wld be thrilled with the inordinate amount of stuff they already own!