Was this ok? | Imamother

amother

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 5:22 pm

DD9 has been very lax about putting on sunscreen at camp. Even when she does it, she doesn't apply it properly on her face (misses areas).

She moans and groans whenever I try to talk to her about it or problem solve (ie try a different type, look in the mirror when you put it on)

She got a bad sunburn yesterday and still wouldn't listen when I tried to talk to her about it. Finally this morning I said "do you know why sunscreen is important?" She said "yes to not get sunburned" in an aggrieved voice. I said "do you know why it's important not to get sunburned?" She did not, so I explained about skin cancer and what treatment for that is like and how people can die from it and that every sunburn a person gets raises their chances of it.

She didn't seem terribly bothered in the moment (although it did seem like she finally took it seriously) but my husband said she was in a terrible mood in the car on the way to camp. Did I go too far? But also what else should I have done?!

zaq

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 5:38 pm

You did fine. I might not necessarily have mentioned the part about dying from skin cancer but I don't think your dd is likely to be psychologically scarred by this information. If anything, it's likely to roll off her like water off a teflon frying pan. A nine-year-old is not going to worry about something that MIGHT kill her in fifty or sixty or eighty years.

amother

Milk

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 5:40 pm

No need to create unnecessary anxiety. I think you should apologize to her and say you are sorry you used so many details and you made a mistake, but you just wanted to express how sunscreen is important.

It sounds like you projected your own anxiety onto her. Mommy wants you should wear sunscreen because I don't want you to get a burn is more than enough.

Offer to show her how to apply it and maybe put it on her yourself in the morning as well

trixx

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 5:42 pm

You know there's a lot of research that suggests the ingredients in sunscreen can actually CAUSE cancer.
Like this isn't an urgent matter of life and death. It's OK if she misses some spots. The sunburn is a natural consequence she doesn't need a lecture.

Rutabaga

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 5:56 pm

9 years old is a little young to be responsible for putting on her own sunscreen completely. I think this calls for a chat with the counselor rather than scaring the 9 year old.

HonesttoGod

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 6:24 pm

I don’t think the dying from skin cancer part was necessary but she definitely learnt her lesson from the sunburn.

And like others have mentioned she’s only 9, THats quite young to be expected to
Properly cover every surface especially when everyone is rushing to go outside or in the pool she wants to keep up.

amother

Smokey

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 6:31 pm

You def went too far w the skin cancer. You can help her apply sunscreen in the morning before she leaves and tell/remind her how important it is to reapply. And that you don't want her to be hurt and burnt. Try to get her spray sunscreen and/or a stick so it's easier and she isn't worried about looking white. If you have a story about a bad sunburn that's fine too....
I told my kids about when I had to go to the ER for 2nd degree sunburns on the tops of my feet when I was 9 and I couldn't wear shoes for 2 weeks- it hit home but wasn't too scary/over their heads.
Also, If she keeps having issues- ask counselor to help her

amother

Iris

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 6:33 pm

Think about getting her a stick version for her face. She might like how it feels better, to "draw" on her face, and might get to her areas better.

She will likely miss spots. I miss spots sometimes. All we can do is try. You can mention to the counselor that dd might need supervision or help putting it on.

SuperWify

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 7:05 pm

Sounds as if you’re projecting your own anxieties onto her. Lots of people don’t wear sunscreen and don’t get skin cancer bh.

I’m not saying not to encourage her to wear, it’s obviously very important to you, but you can say, I don’t want to burn your face again so please remember to put it on.

ra_mom

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 7:52 pm

I put sunscreen on my 9 year old myself, in the morning before she gets dressed. I use a spray. It's a pain for me. Imagine what a pain it would be for such a little kid to be responsible for themselves.

I send along a spray bottle and if she remembers she puts on more before swimming. But if not, at least she has some on from the morning.

amother

Teal

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 7:59 pm

I don't think what you said is that big a deal, unless your child is exceptionally anxious. When I was that age, my friends and I had all been taught that smoking can kill you in many unpleasant ways, including but not limited to lung cancer. As best I can recall, this information didn't traumatize us. Although, to be fair, it also didn't stop me and some of my friends from trying cigarettes at age 10. At that age, death doesn't seem real to most kids. Especially when the risk is many years away and is uncertain.

honey36

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 8:01 pm

I don't think you went too far. You told her the truth. I told my 7 and 8 year old to put on sunscreen for that reason also. I don't remember if I used the word cancer, I just said that it can make you very sick when your older and one of our zaidys died because his skin was not healthy etc. (He had skin cancer)

I also told them it can cause you to get more marks/dark spots on your face that don't look nice.

I don't say it to them in a scary/do or die way. Just calmly, matter of fact etc. They never seemed upset about it and give me an easier time when I do their sunscreen.