Sharing some lessons learned

amother

Tue, Jul 13 2021, 11:25 pm

Specifically with kids learning OOT, but I think some of them might be relevant to all of us... Stuff I learned the hard way. Hope nobody else needs to learn that way!

Make sure you have an open line of communication with your child.

Cell phones were created for a purpose. Use them.

With one of my kids, I bribed them - said they'd get $5 weekly allowance if they called me every day. Most of the time it was just hi/bye, but when there was an issue, it came up organically. I tried to ask questions and get a sense of what was going on, what was stressful, etc.

With another of my kids, the official school rule was no cellphones on a regular basis. (Kosher phones obviously.) I have severe regret that I did not push back against this rule, they made exceptions for other kids, I should have asked for my own. The school had a bank of phones for student use, but it's not the same at all.

Hearing from your kid on a regular basis, and being able to REACH your kid, is the best protection you have. Use it.

Make sure the school treats your child as a person.

Did you get a call from school? Child slacking off in class, going to bed late, making trouble? INSIST that they talk to your child, respectfully, ASAP.

They're thinking of kicking her/him out? They want to switch them to a new class? Let the kid know you're thinking in that direction and give them a chance to shape up. Making decisions behind your child's back is just not right.

They should tell the child that they are concerned about their behavior, give them a chance to explain themselves, and put forth the school's thoughts/decisions. Springing things on someone is just mean.

Acknowledge the pain.

It hurts a lot to watch your kids make mistakes or go through rough times. In a way even more if you did it yourself, but honestly a lot of kids repeat our mistakes.

It hurts. It really does. But it's all from Hashem.

And just as you got through, trust that your child will too. Reach out and try to be a helping hand as much as you can. But remember that it's Hashem Who is is running it all.