Why help others with baby names? Is it allowed?

amother

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 8:42 pm

Doesn't it say that parents have navuah when it comes to a name - so why are you asking for advice when you have a gift from Hashem to name your own child? Also, why do so many grandparents then tell parents what to name children and where do the mesoros of naming after non living (ashkenazim) or living (sefardim) stem from?

amother

Mulberry

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:25 pm

It doesn't hurt sometimes to run names by people. One of my sisters was going to name her child the Hebrew version of my Mothers (Yidish) name without realizing it. One of my children was going to use a name for a child that was also the second name of a close living relative. Both times they didn't realize it until it was pointed out and had they not discussed it in advance it would not have been caught.

singleagain

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:52 pm

Agree, It's always a good idea to run names by ppl. Otherwise you end up with weird initials and things that sounds very pretty in one language getting mangled in another.

Six months after Amy Schumer named her baby. She changed it bc it was pointed out to her that the name she chose sounded like a different word. Her baby was named "Gene Attell" say it fast

DrMom

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 6:43 am

Why help others or why ask for help?

I'd say we help others because they asked for help, and it's pretty easy for me to give it (giving an opinion is easy).

I've never asked for others' inputs re: my children's names, so I can't say. Some reasons I;ve seen on these boards:

- Some people are obligated to name after relatives and are not thrilled with the name, and want feedback/reassurance
- Some people are seeking names with a specific meaning.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 6:48 am

Gerim do not have anyone to name after.

BTs may have family who only have secular names like Bob or Kathy.

Some posters have been abused by family members. They feel obligated to name after them, but are looking for a similar name that is not so triggering. Sad

Some people don't know if there is a feminine or masculine version of a name from an opposite gender person they want to name after.

Ema of 5

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 7:10 am

amother [ Mulberry ] wrote:

I wasn’t aware that this is an issue. I know multiple families that have one child with a Hebrew name, and another with the Yiddish version of the same name.

amother

Cyclamen

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 7:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because while there's a level of ruach hakodesh given to parents, it's not like it's straight up nevua where you're told the baby's name. It's more like Divine inspiration. That might mean you have to hear and go through lots of names before one strikes you as "it".

For what it's worth, when we were discussing names with my husband's Rebbe (yeshivishe, Ashkenazi) for our first baby I asked if we have to worry about the ruach hakodesh aspect and if its ok that we're deciding a name before the baby was born and he said that we don't take the ruach hakodesh into account. We do our research, take everything we need to into account, including personal preferencs, and make a decision. (We happen to be from a background where we don't have to name after/for so we had an open field of choices.)

chicco

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 7:20 am

This is another wildly misunderstood concept in Judaism. No one gets Nevuah these days. If anything, we get ruach hakodesh. That means that there is divine inspiration when we choose a name for a child. The name doesn't just appear in our minds or come out of our mouths (in most cases). Hashem sends all sort of shlichim to get the right name to us. That includes asking people, looking at names, and thinking about it. The ruach hakodesh part is when we settle on a name, not when we are thinking about it necessarily.

I do agree though that it is no one else's business to name your baby other than yours.

chicco

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 7:26 am

Also, the ruach hakodesh part isn't that we should listen out for it and take that name, but that we can be secure in the knowledge that whatever we do choose is what Hashem wanted for this kid/the appropriate name.

Our names have impact and in some way express something important about us, some more obviously than others. To a certain degree I think the ruach Hakodesh is in retrospect that we can see why a name is appropriate for an individual.

amother

Strawberry

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 7:33 am

With both of my kids, I asked for help but I also got ruach hakodesh.

We knew what my daughter’s first name was going to be, but we couldn’t figure out what if anything should be her second name. I came on here and asked about a couple of the combinations we had in mind. A lot of people told me that one combo in particular was too long, but we went with that anyway. I had forgotten that I even raised it as a possibility here, but it popped into my mind as being the perfect combination while I was still in the hospital with her.

With my son, shalom bayis was forefront in my mind for reasons mostly unrelated to naming our baby, but since I had basically singlehandedly named our daughter, I relinquished all claim on our son’s name and told my husband that I trust his judgment. It was true, there are so many great boy names out there that I would’ve been happy with whatever he chose. He did choose a super unusual name from Tanach, and a second name, and he wanted a third name too but couldn’t decide what. Here I thought I would step in and help, as the bris was the next day. I made clear that I wasn’t particularly invested in any of the following names but what did he think about X, Y, or Z? He vetoed them all. One name, I gave him even more tentatively than the rest, saying, OK I never would’ve suggested this one but what do you think about ___? He tested it out, told me one thing I hadn’t known about it, and I said, that’s absolutely perfect. Now that third name was never something I would have suggested left to my own devices, and I’m convinced it came from ruach hakodesh. But both of our kids’ names are BH perfect even if they’re super long.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 7:36 am

My parents didn't give me a Jewish name at all. They named me after a Greek goddess! Surprised

I got my Hebrew name from Rebbetzin Jungreis, of blessed memory. It was an incredibly special moment, and I'll never forget it.

She barely knew anything about me, but the name fits me perfectly. I can't think of a name that would fit me better.

jerusalem90

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 7:45 am

I moved to Israel and was still sorta new here.

There was a name that I liked, but wanted to make sure that it didn't have any bad associations in Israel that I was unaware of. I didn't ask on imamother but I did ask advice from a young, native Israeli teen who went to the kind of school that I'll send my kids too.

watergirl

Thu, Jul 15 2021, 7:49 am

I agree with the ones who said upthread the mother (parents?) receive ruach haKodesh while giving the name. This is why I take such an issue when grandparents of the new baby demand or put a lot of pressure for a certain name. It is quite literally not their place. New parents are gaslit here and in real life into complying by using terms like "respect", "kibbud av/em", "this is what we all had to do, you have to also"... it is LITERALLY not anyone's place other than the actual parents of the baby to chose a name. Parents of the new parents do so much damage to the relationship with their kids when they do this. One of the mohels we used told me at my son's bris (when my mother in law threw such a tantrum she just about passed out because we "disappointed her") that he sees this and worse very frequently and it is one of the worst things he believes a parent can do to their kids.