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If ex hisband has his own money why does Kelly Clarkson have



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QUEENY




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 1:47 pm
to pay him 200,00 a month in spousal and child support and his attorney fees? Why do they get to live off their ex-spouses with out contributing? They werent even married that long!
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amother
Daylily


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 3:10 pm
That’s the laws where they are.

NYS is not much different.

And the laws are gender blind so many women end up paying support to ex husbands even with 50/50 custody.

In NYS, the law is 100% child support paid by the higher earning parent to lower even in 50/50 custody.

Many will have other negotiated agreements but if the lower earning parent wants full child support even with half custody, they get it. My ex did, and I don’t make that much and he’s remarried and I’m a single mom. I will paying this and heaven forbid more if I get any raises until my youngest is 21.

And the courts give 50/50 custody unless there are major major provable issues and usually only after a very expensive trial that most can’t afford—which has no guaranteed outcome.

My ex has no motivation to get a better job because he can’t keep having me pay all the bills like when we were married too, but IYH the youngest will be 21 eventually. My ex has no shame in his beard and long black coat. He and his wife are on vacation every month. I don’t know what a vacation is.
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daagahminayin




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 3:41 pm
amother [ Daylily ] wrote:
That’s the laws where they are.

NYS is not much different.

And the laws are gender blind so many women end up paying support to ex husbands even with 50/50 custody.

In NYS, the law is 100% child support paid by the higher earning parent to lower even in 50/50 custody.

Many will have other negotiated agreements but if the lower earning parent wants full child support even with half custody, they get it. My ex did, and I don’t make that much and he’s remarried and I’m a single mom. I will paying this and heaven forbid more if I get any raises until my youngest is 21.

And the courts give 50/50 custody unless there are major major provable issues and usually only after a very expensive trial that most can’t afford—which has no guaranteed outcome.

My ex has no motivation to get a better job because he can’t keep having me pay all the bills like when we were married too, but IYH the youngest will be 21 eventually. My ex has no shame in his beard and long black coat. He and his wife are on vacation every month. I don’t know what a vacation is.


That sounds terrible! I’m so sorry!!!
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amother
Lily


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:08 pm
amother [ Daylily ] wrote:
That’s the laws where they are.

NYS is not much different.

And the laws are gender blind so many women end up paying support to ex husbands even with 50/50 custody.

In NYS, the law is 100% child support paid by the higher earning parent to lower even in 50/50 custody.

Many will have other negotiated agreements but if the lower earning parent wants full child support even with half custody, they get it. My ex did, and I don’t make that much and he’s remarried and I’m a single mom. I will paying this and heaven forbid more if I get any raises until my youngest is 21.

And the courts give 50/50 custody unless there are major major provable issues and usually only after a very expensive trial that most can’t afford—which has no guaranteed outcome.

My ex has no motivation to get a better job because he can’t keep having me pay all the bills like when we were married too, but IYH the youngest will be 21 eventually. My ex has no shame in his beard and long black coat. He and his wife are on vacation every month. I don’t know what a vacation is.


I’m so upset for you. There’s no way to fight the agreement? I also thought 50-50 was popular partly because there’s no or very limited child support that way.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:12 pm
amother [ Daylily ] wrote:
That’s the laws where they are.

NYS is not much different.

And the laws are gender blind so many women end up paying support to ex husbands even with 50/50 custody.

In NYS, the law is 100% child support paid by the higher earning parent to lower even in 50/50 custody.

Many will have other negotiated agreements but if the lower earning parent wants full child support even with half custody, they get it. My ex did, and I don’t make that much and he’s remarried and I’m a single mom. I will paying this and heaven forbid more if I get any raises until my youngest is 21.

And the courts give 50/50 custody unless there are major major provable issues and usually only after a very expensive trial that most can’t afford—which has no guaranteed outcome.

My ex has no motivation to get a better job because he can’t keep having me pay all the bills like when we were married too, but IYH the youngest will be 21 eventually. My ex has no shame in his beard and long black coat. He and his wife are on vacation every month. I don’t know what a vacation is.


I'm sorry. That sounds awful.

In our case (NYS), our negotiated agreement was ridiculous in other ways, but still accepted by the court even though it would not be what any judge would have decided.

That's why it's usually best to mediate an agreement beforehand and just file for uncontested divorce. As soon as one or both parties refuse to cooperate and need the court to make decisions, it gets so much harder.

I found the news about KC sad and upsetting.
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amother
Daylily


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:38 pm
amother [ Lily ] wrote:
I’m so upset for you. There’s no way to fight the agreement? I also thought 50-50 was popular partly because there’s no or very limited child support that way.


legally, no.

It is the law.

If the "custodial" (lower earner in 50/50) demands the law (ie. the standard formula), they get it.
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amother
Daylily


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:48 pm
amother [ Gold ] wrote:
I'm sorry. That sounds awful.

In our case (NYS), our negotiated agreement was ridiculous in other ways, but still accepted by the court even though it would not be what any judge would have decided.

That's why it's usually best to mediate an agreement beforehand and just file for uncontested divorce. As soon as one or both parties refuse to cooperate and need the court to make decisions, it gets so much harder.

I found the news about KC sad and upsetting.


yes, the court will accept mutually agreed about deviations, but if one party won't deviate from the formula, the formula it is.

Child support can be reviewed every 3 years. My initial divorce settlement did not have the full formula, but a smaller number that particular judge pushed for---but he came back in the last year demanding the full formula and we had a new judge known to just apply the formula---and I had to give him 80% which was a lot more than I'd been paying. I offered double, triple, 5x, 7x--even half of "full child support calc" (since it's 50/50)....he turned down it all. He and his wife know I'm a single mom with no family (I'm a convert). And now, I'll never have more kids because I'll never be able to not work my butt off to pay child support until the youngest is 21---and by then, no more babies.

My income did not go up commensurately with the drastic change in child support. And my income didn't even double, but I'm paying much more---basically their mortgage payment and property taxes now.

He'd also had a decade to get a real career and yet made sure he was basically earning the same amount as he was when we divorced a decade ago. (and he has multiple college degrees, but no, not in law or medicine etc so it's hard to prove he can earn more) And his wife is earning more than him. They have way more money than I do, and I'm still stuck paying 2/3rds of medical, etc. because---that's how the law works.

When I hear of other women in horrible horrible marriages forced to be the breadwinners, I cringe. It was bad enough I had to give him so much of my earnings while I pulled double duty, but even after the divorce, he has no motivation to do anything but continue to freeload off of me. He doesn't actually do half the parenting, but that doesn't matter at support magistrate. The law is the law when the receiving party wants to demand it--and I certainly didn't have six figures to throw at a defense that may have likely not worked.
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 5:54 pm
Daylily im confused isn't child support a small percentage of combined total income. Wondering how for some its affordable and for some its not if the percentage of income is always the same
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amother
Daylily


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 6:04 pm
amother [ Lilac ] wrote:
Daylily im confused isn't child support a small percentage of combined total income. Wondering how for some its affordable and for some its not if the percentage of income is always the same


For 2 children, it's 25% of my gross income, not after taxes, etc., and I don't get to pay less taxes due to paying child support either, I don't get to qualify for gov't assistance due to my reduced income. I also have to pay % of medical/child care based on our relative incomes---before I pay him child support, and that won't include his spouse's income.

Also, I'm already "working poor"---I don't qualify for various assistance, etc. but I barely live beyond paycheck to paycheck, shop clearance, and like I said above---what are vacations?

Folks may have different agreements that deviate from the formulas based on mutual agreement or folks hide their income so the law can only touch the income proven. Or the paying parent starts a custody battle the other can't afford to deal with or risk losing custody, etc. I'm not that kind of parent.

I pull a W-2--there's nothing to hide and my ex demanded full formula this year---his legal right and with a new magistrate who just plugs and chugs the formula. And he so "generously" settled for 80%---and again, we have 50/50 custody and he's had a decade to pull himself together and get a real job---and he has a spouse to share adulting with.

Also, for many families, this means no private school or sleep away camp---not a knob I can turn so simply. For other families, they have more geographical flexibility to find more affordable housing--not for me where I have to live where I live due to day school and shul, etc. so I can't move a suburb over and find something more affordable there---but that's what "regular" people do IRL.
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amother
NeonPurple


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 6:07 pm
Why is it that when men don’t pay child support even from a court ordered agreement, nothing happens to them?

Like what if you just wouldn’t pay it like all these men don’t?
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amother
Lily


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 6:13 pm
QUEENY wrote:
to pay him 200,00 a month in spousal and child support and his attorney fees? Why do they get to live off their ex-spouses with out contributing? They werent even married that long!


I just looked it up he was seeking 400k a month
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amother
Daylily


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 6:14 pm
amother [ NeonPurple ] wrote:
Why is it that when men don’t pay child support even from a court ordered agreement, nothing happens to them?

Like what if you just wouldn’t pay it like all these men don’t?


I think the men who get away with this, either aren't earning above the table or change jobs/residences very frequently so they can't be found by collections.....or---they start/threaten to start lengthy and expensive custody proceedings to demand primary custody.

I bh have a stable, legal job. I bh have a stable residence. And I'm not going to threaten to sue for full custody when I know I don't have a case, it will take years, and cost 100-250k, and the odds are not in my favor to get the court to change the 50/50.

Also, some of these men do have income tax refunds garnished or holds put on passports, etc.---and I'm not willing to risk that.

Anyways, maybe had the goral so to speak placed me with another magistrate, I may have been able to get ex to settle lower, but it still would have been a lot, because....that's the law and even a magistrate willing to invoke "special circumstances" can only do so much.

It's difficult because standard custody in NYS now is 50/50 but the child support laws are written assuming a primary caregiver/primary breadwinner model and haven't been modified to reflect that custody typically isn't following that old model anymore. (ie. have something explicit about time sharing in the formula---so someone who only parents the kids 10% of the time would be paying more than one who parents the kids 50% of the time--some other states have done this).
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amother
NeonPurple


 

Post Fri, Jul 30 2021, 6:16 pm
QUEENY wrote:
to pay him 200,00 a month in spousal and child support and his attorney fees? Why do they get to live off their ex-spouses with out contributing? They werent even married that long!


They were married for seven years. I think that usually this law protects women, so I’m hesitant to call out the husband in this scenario. Plenty of divorced women never worked during marriage and expect to be supported upon divorce and not “contribute”.

His $150,000 is spousal support should go away if he gets remarried, leaving about $50,000 in child support a month.

I have friends that never got child support a day since they got divorced, and there’s nothing they can do about it. The judge orders it and they don’t, or they do for a while and then stop, and the legal cycle has to start up again and no one has the money for this.
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amother
Candycane


 

Post Sat, Jul 31 2021, 2:17 pm
Why is spousal support even a thing today? It should not exist. Not for men and not for women. Except in extreme cases, like a 70 year old woman divorcing after she's been a SAHW all her life. Otherwise - men and women should know that they need to have a profession just in case.

Child support should very rarely be awarded in 50/50 custody IMO. It's not in Israel AFAIK. Why should someone pay child support if the kid is with them half the time? That's not logical. Again, exceptions should be made for extreme cases. But it shouldn't be the status quo, and should definitely not be happening in cases like the amother above.

NYS is crazy in some ways. I also may be old fashioned, but I'm not crazy about 50/50 custody. I do believe women, in general, deserve custody more than men, certainly up to age 10. They carried the child 9 months, they gave birth, they possibly nursed - biology made them closer physically to the child, and they suffered a lot more to bring this child to the world. If they are good mothers and are interested in 80% custody, IMO they should get it. That's the way it usually is in Israel up until now. Certainly under age 6, custody is almost always awarded to the mother here.
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