Fancy a change! | Imamother

amother

Tue, Aug 03 2021, 1:15 pm

Anyone here changed from full time scarves to wig???
Having mid life crisis, at 35 😁

I have been wearing scraves for 14years!!! And want a change. I live in the uk. so most women in my circle wears nice wigs.

I am very proud of getting this far, but I want a change!

Advise please.

amother

Tue, Aug 03 2021, 1:27 pm

Hahaha...
That's the problem I don't know what I want!!
I guess I want to find someone who did the change and is happy with is it... And don't feel guilty... As I am sure I will be!

I am sefaradi and most of our rabanim don't really allows wigs...

amother

Violet

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 3:34 am

I went from headscarves when I first got married to only wearing a sheitel (DH became a Lubavitcher) and now I'm going back to scarves again... and have never been happier. Even though now we live in a very heavily Chabad area where those with headscarves are looked down upon.

Do what is right for your avodat Hashem.

I prepared myself for some serious shalom bayit issues when I changed back to scarves. But I basically said to him; I'm your wife and want to look like a married woman. If you want me to wear the sheitel for you at home, I will (and at the shabbos table when we have no guests, I do). But I am not happy in my avodat Hashem wearing a sheitel, because I feel that it is wrong.

In the end, he understood me. Especially since the Lubavitch women in my area wear very long wigs and there are some serious tznius issues in their dress. He prefers to have 'other problems' of a wife who won't wear a sheitel outside.

Once I was wearing my sheitel (shoulder length, straight, nothing special) on my way home from the mikveh. A man stopped me and basically started to ask me out. And I was like "um, I'm married.... I'm a mom of 4 kids!" We live in Israel and the guy was dati lite btw. He was shocked, gave my sheitel a funny look and backed off. It was a real wake up call for me.

amother

Zinnia

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 4:15 am

I recently went from about over 10 years of not wearing one to wearing one. I started with a fall which I liked more than I expected to. I also find it quite comfortable. I mean I don't wear it 100% of the time. And I got one past my shoulders for Shabbos. I am over 40 and just felt like I needed to change. I never stopped wearing it out of any major decision it just sort of happened because I'm an Israel. And now I'm comfortable in everything which is great. There's just something nice about going to a simcha and wearing a wig and feeling more dressed.

amother

Violet

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 5:20 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

I know someone who switched from headscarves to a wig. The first time we saw her was like “woah!”

I know what you mean by this, but it reminds me of something which I think is important for women to know when they know someone who 'makes the change'.

People were very shocked when I changed from scarves to a sheitel. One woman in my son's daycare even said "wow, you look like a princess!" Tbh it was kinda offensive. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me before I got the sheitel. Then again, I felt the same way when someone saw my wedding picture (only a few years after I got married) and said "Wow. You *were* so pretty. Look at that hairr!!!"

As an aside, I think that women should really talk with their Rav because changing one way or the other. It's not as simple as changing on a whim, halachically. There are some issues with making a neder to wear something in particular which are hard to get out of.

amother

DarkGreen

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 5:52 am

I won't weigh in on the halachic and hashkafic implications of your change.

On a practical level, what you should do is go online and see what kind of hair style flatters your face shape. Don't buy the wig everyone is wearing if it doesn't suit you.

Also, explain to the sheitelmacher that you're new at this and ask for a longer appointment than usual. This way, you can take your time.

Rappel

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 6:18 am

I also am Sephardic (Yalkut Yosef), and it really is hard to find any Sephardic מהלך which considers wigs an option. Talk to your Rav -- maybe he can find something for you -- but if it goes against your Halachic stripe, but you still want it, I can see 3 possible options:
1) do it, and know that it's a Halachic breach for you (not recommended)
2) change your entire Halachic system to one which does allow wigs - Chabad is fairly easy to read up on and thus follow, as far as that goes.
3) get one for the privacy of your own home

Do any of those appeal to you?

amother

Mintcream

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 6:31 am

I was never really into sheitels for so many reasons so for the first many years I wore scarves and the occasional fall. Finally, I got a sheitel. It felt so nice to know I had something to put on for weddings and occasions that made me feel super pretty. Truthfully, I still wear scarves or a fall even on shabbos, but knowing I have the option of a sheitel is a game changer. I basically save the sheitel for really dressy occasions

amother

Gold

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 6:52 am

Rappel wrote:

Ehh.. I know you mean well but there are plenty of Sephardic rabbis who do hold by wigs.

amother

Fern

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 10:03 am

I wear a tichel as much as possible but a wig for work. I do find, especially when going out and about with non-jews, I feel more comfortable in a wig, not from a comfort point of view but rather I feel like I blend in more. When I walk around in my tichel, I feel like I stand out more whilst I don't in my wig.
I always thought wearing scarves looks really pretty and I used to think it easier to put on than a wig until my friends who wear them corrected me.
If you and your dh are in agreement, I would say go for it. You might get some compliments (comments) from people who know you the first time they see you, but they'll soon get used to it.
You might find it worthwhile getting a cheap wig, or even a synthetic to see how you like the look and to find what suits your face. Personally I cannot wear falls as it makes my face look much rounder-I need the hair around my face.

amother

Hosta

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 10:06 am

Rappel wrote:

It’s interesting. In lkwd many Sephardi women wear wigs. Very religious. Husbands are rabbanim and sit and learn. Some I know are of Iraqi descent if that makes a difference.

amother

Hibiscus

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 10:28 am

amother [ Hosta ] wrote:

It’s interesting. In lkwd many Sephardi women wear wigs. Very religious. Husbands are rabbanim and sit and learn. Some I know are of Iraqi descent if that makes a difference.

This is the case in all of America I think. Certainly in NY and Baltimore, the vast majority of Sephardic ladies wear sheitels. (I'm Sephardi and I don't because of my personal halachik beliefs. But I know very few ladies in my general age group who don't wear sheitels.) There's one teacher in the main Sephardi yeshivish boys elementary school who doesn't wear sheitels and tbh I and many parents were surprised that the school hired her because the general SY rabbanim encourage wigs.

amother

Violet

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 10:32 am

amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:

There's one teacher in the main Sephardi yeshivish boys elementary school who doesn't wear sheitels and tbh I and many parents were surprised that the school hired her because the general SY rabbanim encourage wigs.

Tbh I think it's terrible that a woman's headwear has any bearing on whether she's capable for a job or not.

My kids are all in chabad mossdot and I'd say that about half the staff in my DD's school wear scarves (yeshivish). There are also some covered sheitels of women from other chassiduyot.

amother

Hosta

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 10:35 am

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

And let’s say a married women chose not to cover? Would that have bearing on hiring her.
Every school hires based on their hair covering hashkafa. And should.

amother

Violet

Wed, Aug 18 2021, 11:28 am

amother [ Hosta ] wrote:

And let’s say a married women chose not to cover? Would that have bearing on hiring her.
Every school hires based on their hair covering hashkafa. And should.

It's very different to choose not to hire someone because she doesn't follow halacha as opposed to keeping halacha according to a different de'ah. As I said, all my kids are in Chabad mossdot and I've seen a spectrum of hair covering choices there. And these aren't 'kiruv Chabad' places. These are in charedi areas and almost all families who send are Lubavitchers.

Thu, Aug 19 2021, 4:07 am

from a halachic perspective, I'm in israel and what I have seen among some sephardi ladies who wear a wig is that they wear a small hat or some sort of band on top kind of similar to what the chassidim do. I assume its to be extra careful in this halacha.