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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Aug 04 2021, 4:58 pm
Four kids- all with real problems (anxiety, adhd, asd, one hyper s-xual and doc thinks we need to check for bipolar )
I feel like we can’t cut a break.
I’m so overwhelmed emotionally with everything going on.
I have a therapist who I can talk to.
Me and dh trying to hang in there and be there for each other but of course our life is so insane that it’s hard to be a couple.
Anyone with me here??
Hugs if you are
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mha3484
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 5:05 pm
Yes totally. My oldest with severe adhd has made lots of progress in many areas and then my next kid who has never had an easy personality has been struggling a lot more. My 4 year old has so much energy to burn that I wont be shocked if he ends up with a diagnosis also.
They are great kids and I love them but its like playing wack-a-mole and its mentally exhausting.
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amother
NeonYellow
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 5:10 pm
Yep. These days, I just hope the major flares for each kid don't all happen at once. So covid was /is fun.
My relationship with dh is an issue too. I try not to blame him for a lot of the kids' issues (or the new problems that come from how the core ones were dealt with), but it's hard.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 5:27 pm
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Yup, battling the same storm.
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amother
Feverfew
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 5:40 pm
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I cant imagine. My oldest has mild asd and I feel like I'm breaking down. I have a bunch of little kids. Huge hugs
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amother
DarkCyan
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 5:41 pm
Me!
Your situation sounds really tough! Im so sorry!
The past few months have been so so rough! I desperately need a break.
Seriously considering going to la isha for a few days- they'll help with my baby and my husband and kids will figure it out
Maybe I need a therapist
It feels like too much and I take everything too hard and worry about all of my childrens issues
Also dealing with a health issue
I feel like I have nothing left to give
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amother
Razzmatazz
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 5:52 pm
| mha3484 wrote: | Yes totally. My oldest with severe adhd has made lots of progress in many areas and then my next kid who has never had an easy personality has been struggling a lot more. My 4 year old has so much energy to burn that I wont be shocked if he ends up with a diagnosis also.
They are great kids and I love them but its like playing wack-a-mole and its mentally exhausting. |
My 4 year old is the same. I’d also wouldn’t be shocked if he gets diagnosed. He’s also extremely sensory. He’s also my first, so is scary.
When you become pregnant you have no idea the crazy road your going to go through. All you think of is the cute little baby you’ll have.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:04 pm
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Thank you all for responding. Somehow it makes it more manageable to know I’m not the only one. People don’t discuss these challenges irl. It feels isolating.
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mha3484
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:06 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Thank you all for responding. Somehow it makes it more manageable to know I’m not the only one. People don’t discuss these challenges irl. It feels isolating. |
Finding my people whose kids are also hard have made this much easier. If you can do the same I really recommend it.
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amother
DarkCyan
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:14 pm
In the past few months: my oldest was diagnosed with adhd and is extremely impulsive and gets himself in trouble - started medication
Another one of my kids is really struggling academically and socially
One if my younger kids is so difficult behaviorally that I cant help thinking hes also adhd
Im dealing with a health issue now
We look very normal and with it on the outside
Even when I vent to friends, I downplay it in order to protect my kids
I do see that once I talk about it, others will share their concerns and issues that they're dealing with
That being said- its not all equal
Some ppl really have more on their plates
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amother
Poinsettia
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:05 pm
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Yes, I have 2 kids with pandas and it’s always something else. Massive caregiver burnout. And it’s mostly invisible to the world so I get zero empathy and lots of judgment.
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amother
Daphne
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:14 pm
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2/3 or my kids have special needs. I'm totally burnt out and not feeling like such an "amaaaazing" person lately.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:15 pm
| amother [ DarkCyan ] wrote: | In the past few months: my oldest was diagnosed with adhd and is extremely impulsive and gets himself in trouble - started medication
Another one of my kids is really struggling academically and socially
One if my younger kids is so difficult behaviorally that I cant help thinking hes also adhd
Im dealing with a health issue now
We look very normal and with it on the outside
Even when I vent to friends, I downplay it in order to protect my kids
I do see that once I talk about it, others will share their concerns and issues that they're dealing with
That being said- its not all equal
Some ppl really have more on their plates |
Yes it’s true.everyone has their package in life I guess.
I do talk to close friends and even not about what’s going on (not everything but a lot)
And sometimes it makes me feel even worse cuz people don’t relate at all. Once in a while I’ll have a friend who gets it but unfortunately most of my good friends have easier kids.
It’s really genetic and nothing to do with parenting although I’m sure people judge sometimes. That can be hard but I know I’m doing a good job parenting extremely difficult children (my therapist has helped me with that. No guilt at all and not at fault for these problems)
My dh is the one with a lot of anxiety and even bipolar in the family and my family is the one with adhd. We feel like we really have a messed up gene pool and actually have decided not to have any more kids because of all the problems we’ve been having.
This forum is very good for me becase I do see people on here who’ve got it worse then me and I pray for them and for some reason it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one struggling
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amother
Mistyrose
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:15 pm
| amother [ Poinsettia ] wrote: | | Yes, I have 2 kids with pandas and it’s always something else. Massive caregiver burnout. |
Me too
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amother
OP
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:24 pm
| amother [ Daphne ] wrote: | | 2/3 or my kids have special needs. I'm totally burnt out and not feeling like such an "amaaaazing" person lately. |
I was talking to a new doctor to discuss a lot of my kids issues. And she said that her daughter who is a therapist always says she’s happy that HaShem doesn’t think she is so amazing to give her all these problems. I thought that was so insensitive
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amother
Daphne
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 10:06 pm
That "amaaaazing" was sarcastic. I hate hate when people say that to me. I am not amazing. I am at best, average. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what I am doing. I don't see the good in my situation and I do not feel strong. I feel weak, and challenged, and like a failure. If I have any strength at all or any amazing qualities, they are there because I've had to adapt so much due of my circumstance. If anyone else was put in the same situation they would do the same.
So no, it wasn't because of my amazingness that Hashem chose to give me this family. I am just forced to persevere on a daily basis so it looks amazing from the outside while I am dying inside.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Aug 04 2021, 10:30 pm
| amother [ Daphne ] wrote: | That "amaaaazing" was sarcastic. I hate hate when people say that to me. I am not amazing. I am at best, average. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what I am doing. I don't see the good in my situation and I do not feel strong. I feel weak, and challenged, and like a failure. If I have any strength at all or any amazing qualities, they are there because I've had to adapt so much due of my circumstance. If anyone else was put in the same situation they would do the same.
So no, it wasn't because of my amazingness that Hashem chose to give me this family. I am just forced to persevere on a daily basis so it looks amazing from the outside while I am dying inside. |
Yes I got that it was sarcastic.
I get you girl. Major hugs
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