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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Rich people taking my hand me downs
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 1:06 pm
If you would prefer to give to people who need it, or will give to others who need it vs. sell it, you may be able to find other community groups that operate under that principle. You can't know for sure if folks are not re-selling, but if that's part of the rules of the group, you can feel more confident about your chessed.

For example, I'm in a give away FB group in my city in the US, and that is a rule of the group (no-reselling). Of course, no one can know for sure, but I think it would reduce the likelihood that someone is taking items with re-selling intended.
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 2:23 pm
amother [ Aster ] wrote:
I really don't get why everyone's attacking OP. She wants to make people happy that can actually use the clothing, and would not be able to afford such beautiful clothing otherwise, not people that want to utilize her beautiful gently used clothing to add to their hoard of riches. Nothing wrong with that. She's asking for solutions, not judgements on what she decided is the right thing to do.

This is so Imamother.


People get annoyed because it comes across as virtue signaling.
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amother
Aster


 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 2:25 pm
amother [ Eggplant ] wrote:
People get annoyed because it comes across as virtue signaling.

Virtue signaling? Is that a new crime for 2021?
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 2:29 pm
When I give away clothes, I always tell the people "When you are done, please pass it along to the next person who needs them." That would make it clear that you intend for it to be used and shared. I obviously don't expect people to save worn clothing that isn't usable but I would find it crass if someone sold something that I passed on. I know that I can sell a lot of what I give away, but I'd prefer to pass it on.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 3:13 pm
Zehava wrote:
The only way would be to privately give it to someone. If it’s public you can’t control who takes you up on the offer. I’d assume if someone takes me stuff they have their reasons.


I take stuff sometimes . I once took five gorgeous suits in perfect condition for one of my kids . More recently I paid $20 for a really expensive secondhand bike. I didn’t realize I need to be poor to take these things. I thought we were each doing each other a favor....

I also give a way tons of stuff. People often tell me that I make them feel like they’re doing me a favor by taking the stuff. Because they are doing me a favor!
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amother
Tulip


 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 3:33 pm
You can ask: "is that for your daughter? Is she that size?"
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 3:35 pm
mommy3b2c wrote:
I take stuff sometimes . I once took five gorgeous suits in perfect condition for one of my kids . More recently I paid $20 for a really expensive secondhand bike. I didn’t realize I need to be poor to take these things. I thought we were each doing each other a favor....

I also give a way tons of stuff. People often tell me that I make them feel like they’re doing me a favor by taking the stuff. Because they are doing me a favor!


Years ago, my sister and I went to some Manhattan thrift stores and none of the shoppers looked poor.
Our Chabad WhatsApp groups have lots of free give aways and nobody views it as anything other than preventing something from going to the landfill.
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amother
Pansy


 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 5:59 pm
Yad Leah takes donated clothes and sends them to the needy in EY.
You could drop it off at Yad Leah. (Teaneck and possibly other locations)
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Persevere




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 06 2021, 7:04 pm
Didn't read all the replies.

I have no issue with a rich person taking the clothes, if you are giving them away. Just because someone has money, doesn't mean that they are not frugal and prefer to save and reuse when possible.

Reselling it- that is horrendous to me. I have had the same, where I gave stuff away for free and then saw the person post it for sale. Crazy!

Here are 3 ideas to get the items to someone truly in need:

1. Have them PM you and you can then screen who it goes to. "Giving away small bag of Nice condition size 5T girls clothing, please PM if interested"

2. Drop off at a gemach.

3. Find a friend / neighbor / acquaintance who has kids in sizes right behind your kids. And is not getting hand me downs from someone else. Then just drop off the clothes by her. Especially people who are in Israel without family, would really appreciate this chesed.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Sat, Aug 07 2021, 6:13 pm
How do you define rich? I have taken a lot of hand me downs for my kids and also second hand things for myself, even though technically I could buy new ones without going bancrupt. Kids grow out of things quickly and/or get them ruined or torn, especially the boys. Buying them new clothes seems such a waste of money. And, no, we've got no luxurious lifestyle. The reason I have bit of money in the bank is that we live relatively frugally. It is there because I make an effort to save it.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Sat, Aug 07 2021, 10:39 pm
Persevere wrote:
Didn't read all the replies.

I have no issue with a rich person taking the clothes, if you are giving them away. Just because someone has money, doesn't mean that they are not frugal and prefer to save and reuse when possible.

Reselling it- that is horrendous to me. I have had the same, where I gave stuff away for free and then saw the person post it for sale. Crazy!

Here are 3 ideas to get the items to someone truly in need:

1. Have them PM you and you can then screen who it goes to. "Giving away small bag of Nice condition size 5T girls clothing, please PM if interested"

2. Drop off at a gemach.

3. Find a friend / neighbor / acquaintance who has kids in sizes right behind your kids. And is not getting hand me downs from someone else. Then just drop off the clothes by her. Especially people who are in Israel without family, would really appreciate this chesed.


Personally, if someone is taking the time to
1) go to your house to pick up the item!
2) take a pic of the item and post for sale
3) arrange for seller to pick up and pay for item
all for ten dollars?????
I'm not rich but who has time for this??
if they are doing all this for ten dollars, just feel bad for them and be happy you helped them!
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 07 2021, 10:51 pm
Speaking of, if anyone is willing to take a baby/toddler boy wardrobe off my hands please pm me. You can sell the stuff for all I care. Just not by the pound.
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BetsyTacy




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 07 2021, 11:05 pm
Some people really do not enjoy shopping and certainly for a young enough child, as long as the child is neat, presentable and not wildly out of style don't care to spend the time or money shopping for a young child's wardrobe.

If all you want to do is save your child's wardrobe from being sold by the pound for rags, then I wouldn't mind if a rich person took it, as long as she wasn't depriving a poor person, who really needed to save the money.

The selling though really does blow my mind. It seems really tacky.
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amother
Aster


 

Post Sat, Aug 07 2021, 11:16 pm
BetsyTacy wrote:
Some people really do not enjoy shopping and certainly for a young enough child, as long as the child is neat, presentable and not wildly out of style don't care to spend the time or money shopping for a young child's wardrobe.

If all you want to do is save your child's wardrobe from being sold by the pound for rags, then I wouldn't mind if a rich person took it, as long as she wasn't depriving a poor person, who really needed to save the money.

The selling though really does blow my mind. It seems really tacky.

This is a valid point

Often on these groups it's a "race" to claim the "good stuff" first. If you're well to do or you just want to sell the goods, it's the height of entitlement to try to grab them before others in the group who may actually need clothing for their children to wear and have no other means of getting it.

I would say, if you're in a WhatsApp group and you don't really need the clothing because you're well off, give others a chance first. Wait a day or so, and if the item doesn't get taken, then you can ask the donor for it.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:20 am
Can someone post a link to one of these groups in Brooklyn?
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