Toilet training my 4yo

amother

Sat, Aug 07 2021, 11:52 pm

My son is almost 4. We have been training him for a year. He was dry in playgroup but often had an accident on the way home. He often makes #2 in his pants. Ive tried everything.
He is able to make in the toilet just doesn't want to. He has a couple of accidents a week and often makes #2 in his pull up before he goes to sleep/when he wakes up.
Please help me

imasinger

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:01 am

What have you tried so far, in terms of training and incentive?

hodeez

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:07 am

Maybe offer bigger incentives for smaller goals? Like if you would usually give a treat for staying clean the whole day, give a treat just for getting through a car ride without accident.

amother

Lightcoral

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:08 am

It’s very common for kids to resist pooping on the toilet because they’re actually perpetually constipated. I would get that checked out.

amother

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:10 am

He has a chart at camp because he didn't want to go when the other kids go. That is usually enough. Maybe one accident a week in camp.
At home, I can convince him to try but he often makes a little #2 but isnt fully finishing. He will run away from me when I realize. He also will try to clean it up himself and make a huge mess🙈
He only wears a pull up at night.
If he didn't, he would make in his underwear like he often does.

amother

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:12 am

hodeez wrote:

Maybe offer bigger incentives for smaller goals? Like if you would usually give a treat for staying clean the whole day, give a treat just for getting through a car ride without accident.

I really dont think hes fully in control
Ive offered everything

amother

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:13 am

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

It’s very common for kids to resist pooping on the toilet because they’re actually perpetually constipated. I would get that checked out.

He makes #2 twice a day at least.
how would I check out? What do I do if this is the case?

amother

Beige

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:16 am

How to treat would depend on what's happening.

Is he afraid of going #2 in the toilet?

Is he not physically aware when he has to go?

Does he think he's finished when he's really not?

Is it because he's not cleaning himself properly and a lot of it is getting in his underwear?

I've dealt with all of the above, and I would target differently based on what's going on. You're not alone in this!

amother

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 12:25 am

[quote="amother [ Beige ]"]How to treat would depend on what's happening.

Is he afraid of going #2 in the toilet? No- goes all the time- he doesn't have patience to sit and wait

Is he not physically aware when he has to go? Not sure

Does he think he's finished when he's really not? This is possible

Is it because he's not cleaning himself properly and a lot of it is getting in his underwear? No! Its a full job

I responded to each
Thanks for your help!

amother

Lightcoral

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 10:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He makes #2 twice a day at least.
how would I check out? What do I do if this is the case?

If he’s going that often he’s probably fine. But you can get it checked out by the doctor, they can perform an X-ray and put him in Miralax if there is backed up stool.
Is he straining to poop? Seem anxious about it? If you feel he lacks control over it, that’s when I would suspect a digestive issues and bring in your pediatrician.

amother

Lightcoral

Sun, Aug 08 2021, 10:30 pm

Also - what’s his reaction to when he dirties his pants? Can you use that as a motivator and get rid of the pull ups? You’ll have some accidents but then he might be motivated to stop getting himself dirty?
I do think it’s important to remove all external incentives and make your reaction as mild as possible so as to create his own self-motivation and sense of pride. Poop goes in the toilet, rinse and repeat that. If you make in your pants it feels yucky and you’ll have to clean it up. Have you tried that kind of approach?

amother

Valerian

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 9:52 am

amother [ Lightcoral ] wrote:

Actually it's the opposite. If he's going twice a day, it means he's not emptying himself fully and may be constipated.