How can I get my child to relax and fall asleep?

amother

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 5:06 am

He’s 4.5 and it’s been a few weeks since he finally said goodbye to his dummy for good B”H.

The problem is he cannot settle down and fall asleep until around 11! It’s a long night of trying to put him back to bed each and every time he comes out. I feel for him, because I know how hard it is for him to settle down without it. I want to find a way to relax him without it.

School is starting soon and we need to get him to sleep by 8 the latest. This has been affecting our Shalom Bayis, our sanity, and our own sleep. We can’t go out at night, no babysitter wants to deal with him, if DH goes out I go mad without his help. DH is really frustrated with him and starting to lose it on my poor baby too often. By the time he’s sleeping I need some time to unwind from my day and I end up going to bed much later then planned. Said child is also obviously considerably cranky the next day.

Never mind the fact my dear little boy loves to come to me in the middle of the night. I’m not dealing with that now. I just want this kids to fall asleep earlier, I don’t care in which bed.

As an aside, this child never had an easy time sleeping, not even when he had all his sleep aids.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 11:20 am

1) Have you ruled out any medical causes that would make it hard for him to sleep?

2) Check his bedtime routine. It should start about 2 hours before going to sleep, and should be consistently calm, getting quieter and lighting getting dimmer. No screens. If baths wind him up, do them at a different time.

3) Is there anywhere he sleeps better? If he sleeps better on a mattress on the floor of your room, great! Start there! He won't stay forever, I promise.

4) Have you tried a white noise machine? Can you ask your doctor if a weighted blanket would be okay?

5) Start putting him to bed later. If he falls asleep at about 11, start by having him in bed by 10:30. Once he starts falling asleep soon after getting into bed, you can move bedtime back over a few days.

6) Can you make rules for him about staying in bed? Give him a water bottle, a basket with apples, leave a trash can in reach, and put on a story tape. Tell him he can be awake but not come out of bed.

7) Daven! Hashem listens to a mother's tefillos.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 11:49 am

Put him in sports! Did this with my oldest, had 2 hours of sports after school and that seemed to solve the problem! Or, take him to the park for a run, or biking, or even a trampoline at home, he'll want to sleep earlier if he's tired!

mha3484

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 12:02 pm

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

I did this and my son was wired and bed time was horrible.

One of my kids really struggles with sleep. Its extremely connected to his mood. Once I worked on that it got a lot better. I give him a magnesium gummy bear, he takes fish oil and a little melatonin and he sleeps a lot better.

leaf

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 12:20 pm

if he's not getting to sleep until 11, he's probably exhausted and overtitred which makes falling asleep and staying asleep a lot harder. (when one is tired, the body has to choose btwn secreting one of two hormones - melatonin which will help him fall asleep or cortisol which will help him stay awake. So if one stays awake when they should be going to sleep, they will later have a harder time falling asleep because of the cortisol...)
I would try putting him down for a short nap early afternoon (so that he won't be so overtired and will stop secreting cortisol which is making it harder for him to fall asleep) and then doing bedtime 8 or 8:30.
Hatzlacha!

amother

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 1:07 pm

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

I tried. He’s just more hyper.

amother

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 1:08 pm

mha3484 wrote:

In the UK you can’t give melatonin without a prescription. I can try magnesium. What’s fish oil? Does it come in a ok tasting gummy? Or just an oil?

Thanks.

amother

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 1:10 pm

leaf wrote:

That’s very interesting. But… When he falls asleep during the day, he’s up till 1.

amother

Gray

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 1:12 pm

mha3484 wrote:

How does magnesium and fish oil help?

mha3484

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 1:14 pm

For the the magnesium I get gummies from Zahlers. It looks like a gum drop candy so I keep it on a high shelf so they dont get confused with actual candy.

For fish oil, I was giving my older son with severe adhd these pills https://www.amazon.com/Pharmep.....UK2IE so I tried it with my son with sleep issues and it made a big difference. He wont swallow the pill so he chews it and swallows the liquid and spits out the casing.

mha3484

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 1:17 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

How does magnesium and fish oil help?

My son is a touch anxious and it makes a difference at bed time. This helps relax his body and thoughts just enough to be more amenable to going to sleep calmly.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Aug 11 2021, 1:19 pm

you can try this https://www.pureformulas.com/n.....w_wcB
Or this , this one does have a touch of melatonin https://www.amazon.com/Sensiti.....1ZQ==

I second magnesium, Foot soak with magnesium flakes and epsom salt is amazing for sleep for my kids. Magnesium helps convert neurotransmitter that are necessary for sleep. L theanine also helps with sleep.