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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances
S/o giving married children gifts of money?



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Do you/ would you give large gifts of money to your married children?
Yes  
 62%  [ 64 ]
No  
 3%  [ 4 ]
It's against my principles  
 0%  [ 0 ]
I wish I could but don't have the means  
 33%  [ 35 ]
Total Votes : 103



amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 3:48 pm
If you have the means give your married children significant financial support (like a down payment on a house) do you/ would you? If you don't have the means, do you wish you could?
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Genius




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 3:53 pm
I would give them a nice sum, but not an entire down payment. Let’s say, once they have 50k I’d match it.
Hopefully I’ll have the money to be able to give.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:21 pm
Probably. I divvied up my own inheritance among my kids rather than keep it for myself. What I would not do is provide ongoing support to the tune of so much per month or year or cover the cost of some regular expense like the phone or rent. They need to stand on their own feet, because I'm not going to be around forever, and I need to look to my own financial future as retirement draws near. You know what they say on a plane, "first put on your own oxygen mask and then assist your child."

But the inheritance was an "extra," a windfall, not something I counted on or expected. I was solvent before I received it and remained solvent after giving it away. If I were rolling in dough I might--I say might --provide a down payment, but I'd have to be really rolling in it, and I think I'd lend it rather than give it outright and probably not the whole thing. They need to do some of the work, too, and they also need to learn to manage their own finances and not rely on Banco de Mamá y Papá.

PS I am not, never was, and never will be "rolling in it" so it's all hypothetical anyway.
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amother
Cherry


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:21 pm
Long way off from there as my oldest is only 7, but if I had the means, why wouldn't I want to help my children out? It's unlikely I would have enough money to give that significantly but even a few thousand or so can make a difference.
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amother
DarkRed


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:24 pm
I give my one married sums here and there, some more substantial than others. I told this child I was holding on to 25K for a house unless they needed it earlier. I was told to just hold onto it. Eventually I gave it to them and they soon after bought a house. It was just a drop towards the down payment. I wouldn't give this oldest anything more than I was fairly certain I can give the others when their turn comes.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:30 pm
Of course I would; I don't understand people who wouldn't help their children "on principle" when they have the means and their children are in need.

However, by the grace of G-d, I was given unbelievable parents who helped us and continue to help us with so much, so I know how nice it is to receive and know that your parents want to help you as much as they can.

I hope that my children will be appreciative and not feel entitled; I hope they learn to be generous as well.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:37 pm
Why wouldn't I?

I am raising my children to be economically self sufficient.

I have the means to provide them with a down payment when they decide to buy a home and I will.

The only precaution I will take is to make sure that all my children receive the same amount and so if some have not bought a home when I die, the amount given as a down payment would be deducted from the amount a child would otherwise take. It is absolutely essential that all children be treated equally with these kinds of major financial amounts unless for some reason one child has special needs and would need lifelong support of some kind. But I would make sure all the children were aware of this and why this child was being left more from the estate. B/H all of my children are able to be self supporting.

My parents provided my brother and I with down payments up to a certain amount so it wasn't as if we were able to buy a mansion. Also it was a fixed amount so that I still had to budget for the necessary home improvements - things like painting and new floors because it is a PITA to do this kind of stuff after moving in to a new home.

My parents also have assisted us with help for major emergency expenses as well like medical or major home repairs. However, we are all economically self sufficient as it is a safety net for emergencies and not support so that we can have a fancier life than what we can earn.
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amother
Stoneblue


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:47 pm
My parents are extremely generous BH

My dad always say, you’re getting. My money one way or another, why wouldn’t I want to at least get some nachas from it? (From seeing your have it)
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amother
Mocha


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:49 pm
I want to pay for higher education and help with a house. I also hope to be in a position to give occasional gifts before yom tov.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:52 pm
I would love to be able to gift them if I have the funds.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:53 pm
amother [ Stoneblue ] wrote:
My parents are extremely generous BH

My dad always say, you’re getting. My money one way or another, why wouldn’t I want to at least get some nachas from it? (From seeing your have it)


My parents are the same.

They didn't deprive themselves of anything important to them in order to help their children.

They didn't give us so much that it was a disincentive for us to have careers that basically supported us.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 5:03 pm
we currently put aside money for each of our children so that by the time they are adults they will have a nest egg to use as they see fit. I don't know that we will give them more money or not but really our goal is to raise self sufficient people but make it a little easier for them so they can buy a house earlier, retire more comfortably...
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