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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Power Struggles - Looking for resources



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amother
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Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 5:35 pm
Im looking of a good book, podcast, or any other resource that can teach me better parenting skills for dealing with my just-turned-5-year old.

The dynamics between me and him are spiraling in a bad direction, and I want to turn things in a better way before it spirals. He is strong spirited and wants fights tooth and nail if he feels his control is being taken from him. Punishments and time outs just make him fight harder. There has to be a better way.

(I don't want to sound like a horrible mother. I am not constantly threatening and punishing. I also intentionally show him that hes loved, that I value his needs and individuality, and give him choices and notice and try not to say "no" unnecessarily...)
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 25 2021, 5:41 pm
I have been there with multiple children. Reading the explosive child was the best thing I ever did.

This is the main premise if you dont want to buy the book: https://livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour/
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Aug 26 2021, 11:05 am
mha3484 wrote:
I have been there with multiple children. Reading the explosive child was the best thing I ever did.

This is the main premise if you dont want to buy the book: https://livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour/


Thank you.

So as per your advice, I've been watching some of his videos. At first it sounded amazing and intriguing, but now that I'm listening to some of his problem solving sessions, it sounds a whole lot like "lawn mower" parenting.

Kid is screaming and cursing and hitting? Well that's fine, he's just communicating he has a problem. Let's try and find solutions so he shouldn't have any problems, and ignore the fact that the behavior is not okay...

Am I missing something? Does this parenting approach ever address the actual behavior?
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 26 2021, 11:18 am
I think it comes down to how you view behavior. I have seen with my kids that behavior is communication. Teaching them to work through their problems by brainstorming, talking, thinking of solutions then I give suggestions and we come up with a mutually agreeable solution reduces the bad behavior. This is what adults do to manage their lives. We problem solve when we don't like how an area of our life is going. I think kids can do this too and its very empowering for them.
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