Life hack: send your teens and pre-teens shopping

amother

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 9:43 pm

amother [ Crocus ] wrote:

I’ve started my kids at nine by parking right in front of a small grocery (first a shop where I can see every inch through the glass, then we progress by year as kid ages to familiar Jewish groceries that are still tiny but I can’t see every aisle from the car) and I wrote a basic list of four or so items (or draw them if brand name is too detailed), then give money or a debit card. In the beginning the kid comes out every sixty seconds with a question and buying two bottles of milk takes twenty minutes, but by now my two preteens can shop a small list with a younger kid in tow (with me snuggled up along the sidewalk waiting for feedback.)

I’d never be able to do this in an OOT shop rite or no-parking Brooklyn, obviously, but for where I live it’s a great safe (and almost but not quite convenient lol) way to train kids into shopping on their own.

I’ll also allow them to go to other aisles and select items on the (super rare) times I’m actually taking them along to go shopping in person.

For clothing shopping tho it would be a disaster with mu kids’ temperaments - so glad it worked for you OP! What works for us is ordering online together, then kids try on clothes for our joint review, the end. I do the returns and buy the accessories (like shells). Shopping with an ADHD kid doesn’t really work any other way…

Awww I’m glad you tacked that on at the end! Dd has ADHD! and her boundless energy is a huge plus. Yeah she’s lost cash and even a credit card on occasion. So I learned to only send her with a paper that has the CC numbers written down. And to make sure she takes it in a purse and not just a pocket. And she does call home plenty. Other than that though she did pretty great today.

amother

Crocus

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 10:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Oh I love that idea of writing down the numbers!!! Thank you!!! Wow I would totally lose my temper if she would lose my debit card… but that’s totally her, and on me to preemptively avoid/train her - thanks for helping me avoid that train wreck before it happens :-)))

Do you find she has NO patience to try on anything because of the ADHD? Or consider tznius? It’s so overwhelming to even sit for ten minutes in front of a screen ordering. She loses interest instantly BUT expects clothes when she wants them..:: I remind her that without the discomfort of choosing what she wants she will be stuck with either no clothes or what I’ll choose for her, which works for those ten fifteen minutes, but it’s still torturous! (She’s so ADHD that if she can’t read a book during a meal she won’t bother eating because it’s “too boring” to eat…)

amother

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 11:01 pm

amother [ Crocus ] wrote:

Yeah she doesn’t particularly like trying stuff on but she’s motivated by wanting the stuff to look nice😏 (she’s got that adhd+perfectionism from her daddy). She’s actually a lot more tznius obsessed than I am. She takes her teachers speeches very seriously. So she actually gets my step-mother who is super-Frum to put rubbers in her necklines. She takes care of it from buying the rubber to taking the clothes over to her. She will only wear full-length sleeves and nightgowns instead of PJs. So yeah there’s that.
What I do with online ordering (which I only did this season usually we go to stores and pick stuff live) is I put whatever looked decent into a cart and went to her like “this? Yes or no, this?” And so on. Took less than a minute each time.

amother

Broom

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 7:05 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So why don’t people send their kids shopping? Is it because they need to be in charge exactly of what gets bought? Or they don’t trust the kid? I really wonder.

My kids have as much anotomy on their choices as I can give them at each stage. There are so so many other reasons not to send a 9 year old shopping. Unless you live in Israel I don't understand how this is a life hack.

amother

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 9:23 am

amother [ Broom ] wrote:

Apparently there are other places besides israel where people don’t freak out at the thought. I’m actually really surprised at the responses here but live and learn.

amother

Jean

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 9:29 am

Unless you live in an area where shipping is within a few blocks of your home. Where I live it is several miles and busy streets away. No safe/reliable public transportation. Shopping where I live is either in a big store shopping strip with huge parking lots and crazy drivers who aren't looking for little kids who may be walking across the lot as they peel out in their huge SUVs, or else enormous malls where even adults need a directory to find their way around.
A teen (with friends, definitely not alone) is one thing, but a 9 year old navigating that is just not age appropriate.

amother

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 9:37 am

amother [ Jean ] wrote:

Yeah yeah I get that
Obviously I’m talking about a block or two away with streets teeming with families and little kids and stores lining the avenue.

amother

Ballota

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 9:38 am

When I was 9, in 1990's suburban New England, it was normal for me and my friends to bike and walk around our small town unsupervised, and to get stuff at the local convenience stores or grab pizza at the local pizza place. We didn't have any clothing or accessory stores nearby, but if we had, I imagine we would have been allowed to go into them too.

amother

Broom

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 1:33 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Apparently there are other places besides israel where people don’t freak out at the thought. I’m actually really surprised at the responses here but live and learn.

It really is possible that your daughter is up for it. But I would not call it a life hack, because I think it is very specific to the child and circumstance and a bit risky.
The reason I mentioned Israel is because kids here are independent at a very young age (whether it is safe or not is a different story). But in places where this is not the norm I would be more wary. I have many memories of doing things that were not age appropriate (mostly successfully), and although these experiences made me feel powerful and brave beyond my years they also made me into an adult too quickly and taught me that I am the caregiver.
I am not saying that this is the dynamic you have with your child C"V. Its just that you were wondering in your op why nobody else does this. You were even wondering if its because parents need to control their kids choices.

amother

Brass

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 1:51 pm

My dd goes to grocery across a busy avenue and shops for me for items that I forgot on my weekly grocery trip. She loves to pick out something for herself and brings back change. And knows my pin on debit cards. This is Brooklyn younger sibs ask to go along- I won’t let as she’s not old enough to be responsible completely for other kids yet.
Before she went off on her own we first practiced with me parked in front of grocery and she came back and forth to ask questions next I watched her walk down to grocery and waited for her to come back. And THEN she went alone without me there. It’s a process.
ETA my dd is 9