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Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> The Imamother Writing Club
First chapter of my new book (humor YA, interactive)
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 26 2021, 4:19 pm
I wrote another 2 chapters and optimized my way of keeping track of the diverging plot lines! :-)
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 28 2021, 10:43 pm
And ANOTHER 2 chapters are done! :-)

Up to approx 6000 words so far. It's developing as I go along and still a lot of fun to write. B"H for this. It's a shining spark of enjoyment amid the insanity.
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shaqued_almond




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 28 2021, 11:31 pm
Keep writing! The concept is very cool. Might be better for a newsletter or online publication though. Now as critique, I agree in the original the mc is a bit unlikeable. People get ticked off by things but somehow she hates everything. We're missing some description of the cabin. Where is it located? Mountains? Woods? There's different kinds of terrains and climates. Who owns the cabin? You're introducing a lot of characters but we're only getting two descriptions of hairstyles, other than that we don't know how they look like. Do the band and friends have a history? What would MC do if she wasn't at the cabin now? Is there any omen that tells her something bad is coming?
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 29 2021, 3:16 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
Keep writing! The concept is very cool. Might be better for a newsletter or online publication though. Now as critique, I agree in the original the mc is a bit unlikeable. People get ticked off by things but somehow she hates everything. We're missing some description of the cabin. Where is it located? Mountains? Woods? There's different kinds of terrains and climates. Who owns the cabin? You're introducing a lot of characters but we're only getting two descriptions of hairstyles, other than that we don't know how they look like. Do the band and friends have a history? What would MC do if she wasn't at the cabin now? Is there any omen that tells her something bad is coming?


There’s a bunch of stuff going on that’s introduced as the story unfolds. I’ve been going back and forth editing things to make the details line up and appropriately foreshadow what’s to come.

For now I’ve edited the first part to make it clearer (or at least strongly hint) at the following:

Jerrika has always liked Morris, and is bitter that her best friend Hadley is dating him (even though Jerrika gave “permission” because she didn’t think it would lead to anything).

Dylan is bad news and Jerrika is frustrated that Alicia can’t see it and doesn’t believe her.

Jerrika IS a good friend, but there’s been a series of increasingly tense social interactions within the group and her temper runs hot.

So far, within the choices I’ve laid out for readers, the following is learned:

- The teens’ school is notorious for dating breakups. Something strange always happens when people date. Alicia dated a boy named Jasper who was perfect for her, but something happened that ended things, and it convinced Jerrika that there’s a mysterious force behind why student couples don’t last. (This comes in as handy info for later on…)

- Dylan has a shady past and is possibly a threat to the group on this trip.

- I described the terrain in more detail.

- The woman with the cloak from the park entrance comes into the story and things take a supernatural turn.

- Jerrika is more personable when things settle down, and she reveals insecurities about wanting to fit in and confusion about how to handle the love triangle between Hadley, Morris, and herself.

- The cabin has extra rooms alright… but what’s in them? Dun dun dun. And the surrounding park area is also not what it seems.

Things get weird. The relationships get strained, or they get closer. All depends on which choices are made.
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