NEED NAMES - therapist for kids of divorce/remarriage

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 9:36 am

%#&@ just got off the phone with the one who sounded like a great fit and now says she can probably work out zoom sessions during school hours... and she charges a firm $250 per session. I have no idea where people come off charging like that. I understand the costs of doing business and the costs of training professionally and the costs of living. I also understand that this therapist is as busy as possible (there were exactly two potential 45-minute openings per week for the inconvenient times that no one else wants) I'm sorry but what the hell? I've paid more than that for short-term jobs where specific issues needed to be worked out over a couple of sessions, but we were talking about weekly appointments for the foreseeable long term future.

Now I really don't know what to do. Go with this because I finally found someone who looks like a good fit, and just not buy anything else ever, or go back to the drawing board which tends to have me in tears?

amother

Smokey

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 10:14 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m just sending hugs. I feel you so much.

I wish there was a magic solution.
I wont share my own frustration. Its similar.
Its so so so hard.
And then you think the therapists can help and you search and then its just not affordable….

Its crazy making.

Hashem should help.

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 10:43 am

amother [ Bone ] wrote:

I'm so so sorry for the situation you're in, but I think that's the going rate for therapy these days. It doesn't sound crazy. I don't know how much cheaper you would find. Sad

Well where are these going rates coming from? Supply and demand? Who is in a position to pay $1000 a month per family member for therapy? That's more than I pay for their entire education (per month, apiece). You're telling me the therapist's overhead is more than their school's? It's obvious this therapist is fully booked because she had nothing available, and she shared those hours in which she isn't available ("there are 4 people ahead of you in the waiting list but it can be a long time before a spot opens up because there are only 3-4 sessions per day after school. Most people pull their kids out during school because there's no after school. If you want to do that, we have exactly two slots available.")

So let's assume plenty of time for preparation, professional development, there's no paperwork becuase there's no insurance, family time, whatever, let's suppose she only schedules 6 people per day (2 during school and 3 after school.) Let's suppose that she works 5 days per week. Let's suppose that there is one cancellation per day even though she said that if I wait for a cancellation there might never be one. Let's suppose on average 3 weeks worth of work per month, accounting for the fact that some months have holidays and maybe she gets sick sometimes or whatever.

250 per session * 5 non-cancelled sessions per day * 5 days per week * 3 weeks per month = $18,750 per month.
Let's say she rents an office in Brooklyn (I'm assuming she has an office in her own basement but let's just say.) Let's say renting a therapy-sized office in Brooklyn costs about as much as renting a 1-bedroom apartment even though I would hope it's less, so make that $1500 a month.
She has a secretary. What do secretaries make? $2000 a month? Let's be nice to the secretary and give her $3000 a month. Now I want to be her secretary.
Let's say she goes to a professional conference every other month so she can stay at the very tippy top of her field. Let's say that's $600 per conference, but it's every other month so $300 average. And let's say she subscribes to $100 worth of professional journals per month. And let's say her licensing costs, IDK, does it need to be renewed every year? Let's say the state is ripping her off and she needs to pay $240 per year or $20 per month. That's $420 worth of professional development.
Her office needs bathroom supplies, a couple of computers, electricity, paper, this is the part I'm not very experienced with but all those things for my entire family probably hit around $200. Let's give them Keurig or Nespresso a few times a day and call it $300.
She needs games, toys, and art materials to use with her young clients. She is using the same favorites multiple times so they don't need to keep being bought. Suppose $50 a month when averaged out.
Let's assume there's $480 worth of things I am completely missing because I OBVIOUSLY have NO IDEA what it takes to be a therapist. She has enough years of experience that I sure hope she's paid back any student loans by now. Should we add $1000 per month for student loans just in case?
If I'm anywhere in the right ballpark that leaves at least $12,000 a month to take home. Listen I know I obviously live in lala land but I can't even begin to imagine what life is like $12,000 per month. Maybe if you take home $12,000 per month then you can afford to pay $1000 of it to your kid's therapist.

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 10:58 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

You are probably correct in your assumptions.
Would you be able to handle $175 per session? That’s what I’ve been hearing lately.
I hope Hashem sends you a yeshua very fast.

Yes that's what I was expecting when I asked. I was thinking $150 is probably standard but because this therapist is very in demand she's probably asking up to $200 and I wonder if it's negotiable. $250 made my jaw drop.

I paid a couple counselor $275 per session but that was for short term defined issue, we wanted a 2-3 time consultation to resolve a specific dilemma and then we'd be gone and he'd have to fill the slot again from scratch and it works to stretch yourself for a one-time thing. Also that was a 50-minute in person session that was all directly spent on us. This is going to be 45 minutes on zoom that's split between parent and child. What. The. Hell.

amother

Celeste

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 11:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

There are great therapists that charge way less (I know, I use one)
If you’re zooming then you have the opportunity to search some more

Though for myself, zoom isn’t the same

amother

Bellflower

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 11:15 am

And keep in mind that no therapist can force a child to cooperate. So it's a big risk at 250 an hour. I could tell you that had I been forced to go to therapy as a teenager I would not have opened my mouth.
Does your daughter have a mentor? Someone a few years older who might have gone through a similar experience that she can open up to? When my daughter was struggling with some issues we found her a mentor. My daughter wanted to learn French and this girl was officially her French tutor. She formed a great connection with her and our daughter opened up to her. There are many ways to bring a mentor into her life but your daughter shouldn't know what your intent is.

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 1:45 pm

Nobody can be forced but I really think that this child can come around with the right personality. She tends to do well with people who are youngish and quick and who respect tweens for who they are rather than talking down to children. I'm willing to take risks because even if this kid ends up dropping out I'd still want support for myself, and my other kid is probably easier to crack. I don't have the funds to take a $250 PER WEEK risk but I could handle a $150 risk.

She does not have a mentor, plus I really feel that professional expertise is needed here. I wouldn't even know how to find a mentor and get them into a relationship...

Who is the divorce specialist? Never heard of this and google doesn't seem to know either.