Playgroup nerves | Imamother

amother

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 6:10 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

I used to have a playgroup, and I miss it. The kids have such a good time playing with their friends! Playgroup is a happy, warm, and fun place to be, and once the initial adjustment period is over, you’ll see kids racing into playgroup happily, and waving “hi Mowah” anytime they see her around town. 🥰First time moms get all worried but the odds are great that your sweetie will love it. One tip I found was that if a child gets tearful about parting from mommy, have tatty drop off. (If he’s able.) It seems to help.

About staying: it honestly is very disruptive to have a mommy lingering. It keeps the group from settling into their routine, and it makes other kids unhappy because they see a mommy and suddenly want their mommy. A good Morah is skilled at distracting the kids and drawing their interest into all the fun playgroup activities. She can’t distract them and intrigue them with her amazing toys and fun songs while you’re there. Much better to go to orientation, then on the first day ask the Morah to text you with how things are going.

Good luck, and it’s okay to cry! This is the first separation in what will be a series of separations as you raise this precious neshomale, and it’s hard! I just sent my oldest to yeshiva OOT. 😭 Parenting isn’t easy!! If only they could stay little. But they’re here to grow and change and do new things just like we are.

thank you, You sound like such an amazing morah! Wish ds had someone like you! I get that about the distraction of mommy, but honestly from orientation the morah doesn't seem like she will try distracting with toys etc. she's not the warmest, and she didn't engage with ds much. I feel like that will need to come from me

so funny you say about father dropping off, I actually think that will help and hope to do it on a morning dh is available this week

Sad

to the separations!!

amother

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 6:11 pm

snowflake1 wrote:

it is so hard to leave in the beginning. It is hard every time I just did it with my fourth here are some things that help me
It is very typical for in town play groups to not allow parents to stay. It is not the secular way. When you read about in non-religious environments or out of town they allow parents to stay for one or two hours.
Since I do live in town this is what I have come up with. If I trust that it is the right teacher. First of all I only send if there is an assistant because then you know that the teacher can deal with crying children

Also, I asked them to call or text if my child is crying for more than 15 minutes.

If the child is I will make up an earlier pick up time so they can say “ Mommy is coming after snack or after lunch or whatever”
we decide together. It is very normal to ask the teacher to call or text if your child is still crying.

Another thing I have done is I talk about the child leaving with a smiley face. I tell them if they can then I will draw a smiley face on a piece of paper and put it on the outside of my door with a candy that usually only goes on for the first week or so. I am not big into candy but this really works they look forward to the candy.

Another thing, my son came up with himself he tells himself constantly ”Mommy will always picks me up”
Lastly, I encourage him to bring a toy from home most of the time he doesn’t even take it out of his briefcase it is just reassuring to have something from home

Edited for grammar

Thank you so much for the tips, definitely implimenting! so funny was thinking that about secular daycares that let parents stay, drop in whenever etc.

snowflake1

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 8:55 am

How did it go?
I did want to add that there are times when it is worth pulling a kid from a playgroup I did this when there was no assistant I was very inexperienced at that time they let my child crying a room by her self for hours but this is not usually what happens

Last edited by snowflake1 on Tue, Aug 31 2021, 9:14 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 7:57 am

snowflake1 wrote:

OY that's horrible!!
Thank you so much to everyone that replied on this thread, it gives me so much chizzuk!
Did not go well yesterday, ds cried hysterically of course, I left right away bec otherwise I would have started crying right there. I picked him up after 1.5 hrs, he looked so sad but was happy to be home.
I texted morah, and she sent a picture where ds wasn't crying. Today at drop off I tried staying for a few min to settle ds in with toys but he clung to me and cried so I left him with morah.
A friend who dropped off after me said ds was sitting by himself crying to himself about mommy Sad

amother

Darkblue

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 8:33 am

Im sorry op! Sounds like it was difficult. If this was my child I would ask myself why I am sending my son to playgroup? If it’s for his benefit and he is clearly not enjoying this, why not just keep him home for longer? Some kids really benefit from being home with mommy for longer.
If it’s for babysitting, that’s a different reality and then you want to try to troubleshoot how to make the situation easier for him.
Send in a picture of yourself and him and a snuggly object that he can comfort himself with.
I wouldn’t leave my child there feeling so abandoned and sad.

snowflake1

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 9:51 am

It’s so hard to leave your kid crying. After my experience I decided to keep my kids home until after they’re three. Because after that they’re much more verbal and the groups usually have an assistant. This is really going against the trend and it’s hard to do because everyone thinks I’m strange. But at that time they usually go really nicely. Of course, this only works if you are a stay at home mom.
Also, a kid at that age that stays home does need some entertainment so it has to work with your personality. Also, it helps if you can find another child the same age that is at home so that they can have play dates a couple times a week for an hour or two that’s really all they need at that age

I think that this is the hardest age to find a good teacher and group for since the adult to child ratio is usually not that great in Intown places.
Another thing to work out is if you committed for the year. In my situation we ask a rabbi that the playgroup teacher wanted to use

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 10:53 am

amother [ Darkblue ] wrote:

Kind of what I've been thinking to just pull him out...morah said he anyways just sits and watches and doesn't play with the other kids. I wanted him to have some socialization, since nobody I know with a kid that age doesn't send to playgroup - we wouldn't have playdates.
Also I am looking for a job, and hope to start working in the middle of the year, it won't be possible to find a playgroup then.
I did send a snuggly object and I think it helped

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 10:55 am

snowflake1 wrote:

The entertainment part and playdates are a bit of a problem. I'm pregnant and am constantly tired, so can't entertain all day. And nobody to have playdates with
How did you settle things with the morah when you pulled out earlu?