Sil asked if I can have her son, long davenning.

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:03 am

My dh's nephew is in yeshiva near us, a very yeshivish one that'll have very long davenning. My sil said that he needs to eat out all 4 meals, can we have him for one. I'd love to be the accommodating Aunt but don't want to wait hours for him to finish.

I can say no with no hard feelings. Wwyd?

He has another 4 uncles/aunts here, and can probably eat with his friends who are from here so he won't be stuck without a meal if we say no.

Shouldn't the yeshiva be providing them with meals?!

amother

Brunette

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:08 am

Can you talk it out with her? Tell her you want to work out the timing and see what she says. You might be surprised.

Would he come with a friend or two? Then you can eat and they can eat together later without you having to wait for him. Just leave some food heating, and if you're interested, some of your family members can hang out with them at the table.

See if there's a way to make this work!

I definitely understand a mother's being worried about where her son will eat.

amother

Burntblack

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:09 am

their is reason the mother is asking you I presume her son has a hard time finding meals so the mother is getting involved.
maybe you can ask her if her son can daven with your husband or he eat by you night meals davening is short anyways..

imaima

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Can't you leave food for him to eat ehen he comes back? You all or someone from your family could just hang out with him while he eats. I don't think it would be a big deal to start before.

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:21 am

imaima wrote:

Can't you leave food for him to eat ehen he comes back? You all or someone from your family could just hang out with him while he eats. I don't think it would be a big deal to start before.

We could do that, I'll discuss it with dh and my sil. We actually have his sister from sem, and my dh's sister and family for a day meal, I'd love him to join but I definitely can't make my guests wait for him. But if we can start without him it may be an option bc it'll be a longer meal anyway with all our guests.

Raisin

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If his sister is there I am sure he will love to eat with her. I can't imagine it is an issue starting without him, as long as he knows this beforehand.

notshanarishona

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 5:05 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Many yeshivas and sems don’t provide Shabbos or Yom tom meals. An age old problem. I would have him but tell him you will be starting at x time and you will leave food for him to join when he comes.

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 5:51 am

Yes I text my sil that he's welcome to come that meal with his sister but we'll start without him. I told her we'll make sure to have lechem mishnah for him etc. She hasn't text back yet, she'll probably ask him if thats what he wants. If not he might prefer to eat by friends who live here.

Thanks for ideas and responses.

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 7:45 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Many many families have bachurim eating by them on Rosh Hashanah and it's very common and OK to start without them. Just let him know in advance.

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 8:01 am

geemum wrote:

What about the evening meal, when there isn't long davening. Would that be an option for you ?

No, my dh is davenning early the 1st night and the 2nd is just too late. We prefer having guests for the day meals. The younger kids just get overtired and silly at longer/later night meals.

amother

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 8:07 am

southernbubby wrote:

My son in law's nephews come whenever they want and eat whatever is left and nobody waits for them or even knows in advance that they are coming. It's an open house.

I don't feel like I can do that now with a baby due in a few short weeks iyh.

I'm a planner as well, I need to know in advance if I'm having guests. When I told my sil to tell him to pop in anytime, she said he's not the type to just turn up. He needs an invite.

He also needs to eat out of yeshiva every Friday night so we'll be having him round plenty.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Sep 01 2021, 8:53 am

My BIL used to enjoy crashing by my house for Rosh Hashana (he lives in a really small community, and prefers davening in the shul near me). We'd usually eat the night meal together, and by day I would tell him something like "we're starting around 2, please don't feel pressure to be on time, it's yom tov and you can always just heat up food". Then he'd heat up whatever he wanted when he got home, or once in a while he'd end up getting invited at shul. It worked for all of us.
Thanks for starting this thread, I should text him see if he's coming this year.

amother

Thu, Sep 02 2021, 9:13 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

That's so nice of you. I'm glad I reminded you to invite him Smile

So my sil text me back that her son said forget it, he'll either eat in yeshiva (there's is kind of an option but it's nebuch dik to stay, no one really does apparently) or by someone who's anyway having bochurim. So I text back that's a shame, we won't be so far into the meal bc we're anyway waiting for our other guests (their son is in a different yeshiva but one that'll finish earlier than this other nephew) so sil said ok she'll ask him again. I don't see what the big deal is but maybe his shyness is putting him off. He's really young still and quiet so he may feel uncomfortable to make his own hamotzi and be served separately to everyone else.

I apologised that that's the only option.
She seemed to understand and appreciate it though.

SixOfWands

Thu, Sep 02 2021, 9:28 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

As the mother of a kid who was in an Israeli yeshiva, and had to scrounge for meals for chagim when he knew precisely no one, thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing this. May Hashem grant you and your family a multitude of blessings for your kindness.

amother

Thu, Sep 02 2021, 10:12 am

SixOfWands wrote:

That's so sweet of you, amein thank you 😊

I live in England, but it's the same sort of idea Smile