Poem help. Thanks!

amother

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:30 am

hello all writing masters!

I'm trying to write up a poem.
I'm sharing only one part in which I need help.
I am stuck on the third line:

1- At first I attempted to believe
2- That they all know the real me
3- Ploinis may try to paint a black picture of me/Ploinis may try to paint a picture of me in hues of black / ???
4- But the truth everyone surely does see.

It doesn't have to be a perfect rhyme. But should flow nicely and be proper grammar.
Feel free to make as many changes as you feel is right to benefit the grand poem:)

Thanks for your time!! !! !! !!

amother

Bone

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe not two ‘me’s’ at the end of those two sentences. Change one.

‘A picture of black may be painted by ploinis’ for line 3

amother

Steelblue

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:39 am

At first I hoped
They would know who I am
Plonis says I’m bad
But I am good

amother

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:39 am

[quote="amother [ Bone ]"]Maybe not two ‘me’s’ at the end of those two sentences. Change one.

At first I attempted to believe
That they all know the real me
A picture of black may be painted by Ploinis
But the truth everyone surely does see.

I think I like this version! Thanks a lot for your help!

I just want to make sure that it's 1000% clear that line 3 refers to 'painting a black picture of me. correct?

amother

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:40 am

amother [ Steelblue ] wrote:

At first I hoped
They would know who I am
Plonis says I’m bad
But I am good

Also really nice!! Thanks for your help!!

amother

IndianRed

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:41 am

1- At first I attempted to believe
2- That they all know the real, true me
3- Ploinis may paint me black to deceive
4- But surely the truth is there to see!

amother

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:41 am

amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:

1- At first I attempted to believe
2- That they all know the real, true me
3- Ploinis may paint me black to deceive
4- But surely the truth is there to see!

Thumbs up!!
Thanks so much !!

amother

Bone

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:46 am

[quote="amother [ OP ]"]

amother [ Bone ] wrote:

Maybe not two ‘me’s’ at the end of those two sentences. Change one.

At first I attempted to believe
That they all know the real me
A picture of black may be painted by Ploinis
But the truth everyone surely does see.

I think I like this version! Thanks a lot for your help!

I just want to make sure that it's 1000% clear that line 3 refers to 'painting a black picture of me. correct?

Yes since the whole paragraph is talking about you

amother

Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:51 am

It's random women taking their time to help a stranger who was up at 2 a.m. trying to write up a poem. I really appreciate all of your time!!! It meant a lot to me!
Mi k'amcha yisroel!