Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
DH invited someone for YK. Need help getting out of it



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:22 pm
We bh had the zchus to be mekarev a couple. We are very close to them. I’m almost always very happy to have them. DH invited them for YK without asking me and absolutely don’t want to have them. I told DH that even thou it’s super hard for me to have them, if he asks the shul rabbi and he says we should them I will. The shul rabbi said to tell them it’s not going to work.
They were very excited to come. How can I let them down without it being hurtful. They obviously have no religious family and don’t live in a religious area and they have small children. So fasting and getting thru the day is super tough ..
Back to top

oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:29 pm
It's tough on you too. If your Rabbi said you can decline, then do and DH will be more considerate next time.
Back to top

amother
SandyBrown


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:30 pm
Say you’re so sorry, (you are sorry. Even if it’s too much for you you wish you can make their life easier…)Something came up and it won’t work this time. If you can offer another time they can come instead.

Sometimes we complicate our own lives. No need for excuses, just clarity and compassion if they complain…
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:33 pm
oneofakind wrote:
It's tough on you too. If your Rabbi said you can decline, then do and DH will be more considerate next time.


Thanks. It was a mistake. The question was what to say
Back to top

ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:36 pm
Have him tell them that he is so sorry he extended the invite. He had forgotten how hard the fast is for his wife, and needs to regretfully back out.
Back to top

amother
Teal


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:38 pm
Say that your husband forgot that you don’t fast well. You will beh invite them for shabbos or yom tov when you can function as hostess
Back to top

amother
Opal


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
We bh had the zchus to be mekarev a couple. We are very close to them. I’m almost always very happy to have them. DH invited them for YK without asking me and absolutely don’t want to have them. I told DH that even thou it’s super hard for me to have them, if he asks the shul rabbi and he says we should them I will. The shul rabbi said to tell them it’s not going to work.
They were very excited to come. How can I let them down without it being hurtful. They obviously have no religious family and don’t live in a religious area and they have small children. So fasting and getting thru the day is super tough ..


Can you find somewhere nearby to put them up?
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:41 pm
amother [ Teal ] wrote:
Say that your husband forgot that you don’t fast well. You will beh invite them for shabbos or yom tov when you can function as hostess


Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do
Back to top

amother
Lily


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:43 pm
Is it a thing to go somewhere for yk?

Im a bt too. I always stayed home.
How old is this couple?
Back to top

ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:45 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do

Then text her back and tell her you're really sorry but the more you think about Y"K the more nervous you're getting about fasting and getting through the day and you regretfully have to back out of hosting for Y"K and that you hope she understands.
Back to top

amother
Teal


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:48 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do

OK- so say exactly that. Your dh invited them and forgot you don’t fast well. You really wanted to make it work but realized that it won’t.
If they are bt- mentioning that you asked a rav for guidance could be an important piece of info.
Again you wanted to but will not be able to be the best hostess and guide for YK.
You will invite them for other days.
Back to top

ddmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:50 pm
I wouldn't write anything about why.
"I'm so sorry something came up(you got a rav psak that you're allowed to cancel!)and Unfortunately we will be unable to host you for y"k but it's definitely a rain check.
I was looking so much forward, please join us for shabbos (or succos?) Instead!"
Back to top

kineret




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:54 pm
Seconding not giving an explanation. When I’ve had to back out or say no, giving an explanation only led to them saying why it’s okay (like here, they could say, “it’s really no problem, we’ll stay out of your way, etc”). If you just say that you’re sorry it won’t work out, that’s the end of the conversation.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 9:54 pm
Wow! Hashem is so good to us! Dh just got a text from him that he’s been in touch with the shul he wants to go to (davens a diff nusech) and they can’t arrange a seat. Dh called him and we both spoke and said maybe it just makes sense to have them another time, I was very nervous about the fast and having extra people around .. they totally understood. The wife texted me right away “don’t worry about it, don’t be apologetic..”
TYH!!!
Back to top

naomi2




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 11 2021, 10:01 pm
Lucky you, there really wasn't any nice way out of it imo. Have a wonderful yom tov and an easy fast!
Back to top

amother
Bisque


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 1:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do

I don’t know why on this site people feel a need to ask a Rav if they’re allowed to cancel a guest but no way regarding birth control. Never ever. Banging head
To each their own🤷‍♀️
Back to top

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 4:12 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Problem is, she texted me and we were discussing it. Like why didn’t I say anything then? I was very much delaying canceling until I heard it was the right thing to do

"I'm really sorry, I was looking forward to having you but I'm starting to feel under the weather and I don't think I'll be able to manage hosting plus fasting. We would love to see you sometime during Sukkos and if you need any help before the fast or you want to pop in after it's over we'd love to see you."
Back to top

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 4:13 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Wow! Hashem is so good to us! Dh just got a text from him that he’s been in touch with the shul he wants to go to (davens a diff nusech) and they can’t arrange a seat. Dh called him and we both spoke and said maybe it just makes sense to have them another time, I was very nervous about the fast and having extra people around .. they totally understood. The wife texted me right away “don’t worry about it, don’t be apologetic..”
TYH!!!

I love it when it works out that way!!
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur

Related Topics Replies Last Post
What's the latest you would go away for Shabbos if invited
by amother
15 Today at 2:08 pm View last post
Divorcess and singles want to be invited
by amother
0 Today at 1:31 pm View last post
Can someone help me find my size in dress blank clothing?
by amother
4 Yesterday at 12:44 pm View last post
How to go about getting paid on maternity leave
by amother
20 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 11:29 pm View last post
hates getting dressed/undressed
by amother
5 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 10:33 pm View last post