What do you do when you run out of love?

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 3:30 pm

What do you do when you run out of love to give for your children? You have never ending love for them in your heart but it's excruciating when you can't give it over and share it because you're drained. What do you do in such circumstances? Also, to clarify, this is not depression or anything like that ch'v.

amother

Bluebonnet

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 3:32 pm

I have an extremely difficult life, I run out of a lot of things when I'm drained but I never run out of love. How can you run out of love? You might not like certain things they do, but if you love them then you love them always no matter what. It doesn't take effort to love.

thunderstorm

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 3:33 pm

It means you are running on empty and need to fill yourself up with love so that it pours over to your kids

amother

Geranium

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 3:37 pm

Realistically? You just keep going as if you hadn't and hope nobody notices. And that it comes back. You look for opportunities for the self care and fortifying mentioned, and acknowledge that it may not be enough for a little while.

octopus

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 3:44 pm

If I'm running out of love it usually means I'm sleep deprived. So for me, it would be taking a nap.

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 4:30 pm

amother [ Bluebonnet ] wrote:

Always loving your children and being able to give love are two different things. It's terribly painful to be so empty or in so much pain you can't give to children who you love more anything. BH you at least don't know that feeling but I'm sorry for your other hardships.

amother

Molasses

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 5:00 pm

Op, can you give an example or 2 of what you mean? I would like to understand what you mean by "giving love".
Thanks!

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 5:27 pm

amother [ Molasses ] wrote:

Op, can you give an example or 2 of what you mean? I would like to understand what you mean by "giving love".
Thanks!

For each person it would be different but for me showing love includes:
Telling the children they are good.
Rubbing their shoulders, giving a hug.
Accepting their love.
Holding my baby longer than necessary.
Choosing listening to them instead of cleaning up.
Laughing with them when bathing or dressing them.

behappy2

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 5:33 pm

Damage control. I tell myself that it's better at this point to let everything and everyone fly, lower expectations and just don't yell or take out anger and frustration on the kids.

amother

Molasses

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 5:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks for helping me understand.
So are you feeling exhausted? Or mentally preoccupied with a crisis or something?
Sending hugs.
Mommies aren't always able to be the mommies we want to be.
Sending more hugs. Hug

Rena K

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 6:51 pm

You sound like a great mom, just based on the examples you gave. I assume you do all those things at least sometimes, which is great! I think it's ok to go easy on yourself. We don't always need to give love. But we shouldn't ever make the children feel unloved. As long as you are either neutral or loving, I think you are doing great. Don't stress it and you'll do fine Smile

Your children will learn what being human is all about, not a bad lesson.

imasinger

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 7:32 pm

OP, I'm concerned about you. You sound really depressed. Is it in the danger zone?

Are you imagining not living any more?

Or is it situational, and you're overwhelmed right now?

Are you able to get some therapeutic help?

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 7:46 pm

imasinger wrote:

Oh my! I'm not depressed at all BH and not imagining anything depressing ch'v. I'm going to add that into my post to clarify so no one else thinks that. Just regular stress that people deal with and showing love has never been one of my strengths. So sorry about that.

imasinger

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 7:49 pm

Whew, BH.

In that case, maybe try writing down one nice thing you noted about each kid every day for a week. That often helps rekindle those great feelings.

amother

Sunflower

Mon, Sep 13 2021, 10:40 pm

Sounds like burnout!

https://open.spotify.com/episo.....nch=1

amother

Whitewash

Tue, Sep 14 2021, 3:58 am

Keep doing. Yesterday it was hectic, life has been busy, my 13 year old was not enthusiastic about making his lunch for school. I said I'd check and cut up his lettuce for his salad. I did, and as I handed it to him, I said 'you know I did this for you because I love you.' And he said 'yeah' and a half smile. No, we didn't sing and dance, and I'd just had a conversation with him about putting more effort into his math lessons, but he knew I love him and that's all it took.

DreamerForever

Tue, Sep 14 2021, 4:46 pm

SELF CARE SELF CARE SELF CARE! and Self compassion... It really is hard, I relate so much. SO hard to watch them wanting and needing that love; looking to you to give it. And you know what they need, you know how to give it, but right now- you just cant!

The child that is YOU needs so much love! It is quite literally empty and dry without , and unable to give... like a well that has dried up and needs refilling.

amother

Lightpink

Tue, Sep 14 2021, 7:25 pm

I try to remember the phrase "your kids need your love the most when they deserve it the least".
Easier said than done!