Deaf woman asking me for place every minute re YK

amother

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:20 pm

I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm feeling weak but want to be polite. A woman sitting near me can't hear the davening at all and keeps asking me for the place. Sometimes I just want to bear my pain in peace. Sometimes I lose the place myself and she gets annoyed when I don't give her an answer. WWYD?

advocate

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:30 pm

Could you ask another woman to befriend her in shul?

When you don't know the page, could you smile and shrug?

Could you speak to the rav, and maybe he could make some accommodations for her?

If he needs ideas, he could contact JADE at the CJE in Baltimore.

Could you write her a nice note, and explain that your davening requires your attention and apologize that you can't help her right now?

Chayalle

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:30 pm

I don't know what I'd do. It does sound annoying! Though that makes the schar for this so much greater. I can imagine that up there you rate for holding your peace with this all Y"K.

Maybe you can enlist someone like the shul Rebbetzin to make a system where this woman gets the help she needs by rotation with other people pitching in?

gr82no

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:34 pm

Maybe point for the first line of every half a page so this way she could look over at you and know where they are up to without communicating with you. I find when I show people the exact place It takes a bit of time and I loose my place but I don’t mind if people look over my shoulder for the place

Chayalle

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:44 pm

I also was just thinking, I wonder if someone in her family could get her a machzor, like the artscroll, and then she could sit near someone using same machzor and see the page.

My girls all have the same exact Artscroll machzor. And alot of people have it! When they get to shul, they just look to see the page their sister is on.

amother

Leaf

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:45 pm

BrachaBatya wrote:

I would try to put yourself in her shoes and come at it with as much rachmanus as you can.

This. I would say this was a zchus that a Hashem wanted you to have on YK of all
Days!

flmommy

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:52 pm

My shul has a number flipper thing that shows Ttb e page numbers. If this lady regularly attends this shul it is a must!

watergirl

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:52 pm

My shul and many I have been to have a thing in a place where everyone can see it - its a sign with the page number. One man davens right there and with a wheel spinny thing, he changes it as the pages change. I'm sure this has a name. Maybe suggest this to the gabbai of the shul. I totally understand why the women would be asking someone for assistance, and I see it from your perspective as well. The shul should be accommodating everyone. BTs and others (like me) also find this to be a huge help.

amother

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:52 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I have the exact same machzor as her. The problem is that she can't hear a single word. So looking at my page doesn't help much. Because a second later we are turning the page.

The Rebbetzen doesn't daven in our shul, ever. I did speak to the Rav and he told me not to stop my Shemone Esrei for her. ( Twice she asked me the place when I was davening Shmone Esrei). He also said it's a nebech on her.

watergirl

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:52 pm

flmommy wrote:

My shul has a number flipper thing that shows Ttb e page numbers. If this lady regularly attends this shul it is a must!

We said the same thing at the same time!

Chayalle

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 2:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes but without a system to help her and address her needs, it sounds like it's also becoming a nebach on you!

imasinger

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:02 pm

You just earned huge schar.

If it were me, I'd tap her every page turn, and just before shmoneh esrai, show her the page again, and say or signal, "I won't be able to talk until I finish this part, I'll let you know as soon as I'm done, and help you again."

You might want to ask the rav, but I think in that circumstance, you might be able to put up a finger or hand to signal "wait". Even during the amidah.

I'd also talk further to her or the rav. Is it a question of not being able to use hearing aids on YT? Can someone guide her on the best way to handle shul with profound hearing loss? How is it that she doesn't understand interrupting your amidah? Is she frum? Is there a comprehension issue?

Understanding what exactly is going on can help you think through your response in advance.

Reality

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:07 pm

Now is the time to be proactive for next time. Somebody in your shul must be in charge of chesed oppurtunities. Reach out to her and suggest this woman be matched up in advance with someone who has agreed to help her. Obviously, not you since it was too hard for you.

OP, you shouldn't feel bad. I'm sure you are good at other forms of chesed. I'm sure there's someone else in shul who would love to help this woman.

chocolate moose

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:42 pm

I had that before with someone who had special needs. I did it as long as I could, then I davened elsewhere.

amother

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:44 pm

Thanks for the responses. I told my husband to buy a page chart and I will flip it. She must have other issues because when I show her the page, she needs to check 4 times to make sure her page matches mine. A page chart will solve this issue. It will take a second for me to flip while showing her the place takes much longer. I usually end up turning the pages for her.

naomi2

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:47 pm

I like that page-number spinny thing idea. See if you can ask the rav to get it for the shul.
Also of you point along and she had the same machzor she won't ever have to ask but then that assumes you are able to point along the whole time. I'm sorry it sounds like a difficult situation, you surely got alot of schar for helping. In that zechus, you should have a wonderful year filled with hatzlacha, brachah, parnasa, health, and happiness!

amother

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 3:55 pm

Long story but men's side is not visible from our seats. Anyway, my husband agreed to let me buy this on Amazon for my table on RH and YK. I don't mind flipping the chart. It will be much faster than trying to show her the place when she can't hear. Yes, this is with hearing aides in both ears.

Only $10 for portable chart. Much easier than trying to read my microscopic page numbers.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07T.....psc=1

Reality

Fri, Sep 17 2021, 4:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You sound like such a nice person! May Hashem bentch you only with good things!!

FranticFrummie

Sat, Sep 18 2021, 1:56 pm

OP, you sound like a wonderful, caring person. If you don't mind my saying so, I think your rav was wrong for saying that this woman was a nebach case. May he never know what it's like to be disabled.

Some people are put on this earth in these circumstances so that other people can get the mitzvot of helping them. Some people who are disabled have a lot to give the world, if others would only pay attention to them.

The schar you are getting for this is immeasurable, and if the rav knew only a fraction of what you were getting, he'd jump over the mechitzah himself to help her!

~Signed, a hard of hearing person who occasionally loses her place.