My kids are monsters in public

yidisheh mama

Mon, Sep 20 2021, 2:21 pm

Would it be an option for you to email your order to the store and have them deliver? Or shop in a store that has a website? Even when available, It's not always ideal because there's something about seeing the meat you want to buy, choosing your produce, walking through the aisles and seeing what you forgot to put on your list, etc., but in this situation it seems like the better of the 2 options.
I'm all for teaching children how to better behave and all, but it's always best to avoid everyone's triggers. A busy store on erev yom tov is very overstimulating for many young children, and stressful for mom, too. On top of whatever they are feeling in an overwhelmingly busy store, kids also feel everyone else's stress, and it can effect their behavior.

honeymoon

Mon, Sep 20 2021, 3:04 pm

Its very hard to disconnect our children's behavior from our sense of worth as a parent because we tend to see our children's behavior as a reflection of parenting skills or lack thereof.

You are a great mother and your kids are acting like normal kids doing what kids do when there is zero structure, lots of sugar and busy parents.

And please don't call your kids monsters. Ever.

SixOfWands

Mon, Sep 20 2021, 4:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Whenever I take them anywhere they are so wild it isn’t normal. I took them to the grocery store today I just needed a few things so I could continue cooking for Yom Tov. They were licking each other and pushing other ppls carts and putting their mouths on closed bottles of grape juice. They were hitting and smacking each other. And screaming on top of their lungs. I tried telling them to behave. threatening, bribing. Sending the older ones to get stuff around the store. Separating them on opposite sides of the shopping cart/ in the shopping cart. Ignoring the fighting. Nothing helped. My kids are the worst and I’m the worst mother

I'm sure you're not the worst mother in the world. That's reserved for abusers, and that's not you. You had a bad day. They had a bad day. For anyone who judged ... their day will come when their kids act up in the store.

That said, chag or not, as soon as they put their mouths on the topes of bottles, they should have been removed from the store. It is beyond disgusting to think that people are going to unknowingly use that.

In the future, try to order online for delivery or pickup, or shop a few days in advance for everything except fruit and vegetables, which can be picked up at the local non-kosher (and therefore less crowded before the chag) store.

Chag sameach.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Sep 21 2021, 1:28 pm

Even if there is a big delivery fee, if it saves you from so much frustration and a long line at checkout, I think it would be totally worth it.

When I lived in the US, I had a great set up with a friend of mine. She had several kids who were really wild, and I was a single mom without a car. There was not grocery shopping within walking distance, so I really relied on her for transportation and getting heavy bags of groceries home.

While in the store, I spent a lot of time talking to the kids, keeping them entertained, and keeping them from grabbing things off the shelves. That way their mom could shop in peace. I didn't buy as much as my friend did, so I would check out first, and then take all of her kids outside with me. We would play on the sidewalk in front of the store, while we waited for their mom to finish shopping and check out.

Because I was "not mom", and I was "interesting", they behaved better for me, and were much more fascinated with anything I did or said. I was in no way a better parent than my friend was, I was just different. It was an entire shift in the dynamic.

amother

DarkKhaki

Wed, Sep 22 2021, 7:23 am

hodeez wrote:

Tell them before leaving the house if they behave this way you will leave the store. Then keep to your word so they know you're serious. Hatzlacha, it's so embarrassing when the kids act out in public.

This.

If they know you will leave the store immediately, they will act better.

True you might have to do without what you went there for. And you might have to do this 2-3 times. But after that things get better.

There's no reason to listen to someone who doesn't follow through.

violet1

Wed, Sep 22 2021, 12:25 pm

That's so hard. You're definitely not the worst mom. If this is a problem every time you take them out, maybe you can do some practice outings. When you don't really need anything but it will give you a chance to show them how to behave in the store and that there are consequences when they don't.