 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Parenting our children
Cookin4days
|
 Sun, Sep 26 2021, 8:03 pm
Growing up I was never allowed sleepovers by others (unless was with cousins) unless it was a party or I begged begged and begged (that happened literally once lol) until my senior year of high school came along and I made two new friends and my parents trusted their parents and so they would allow on special occasions which is funny though cause one of the newer friends parents also didn’t allow sleepovers … now I know and understand why my parents never allowed with my other friends they were wild and their parents never parented.
Yeah I felt left out watching others have sleepovers but I’m more then okay and I understand my parents 100%.
| |
|
| Back to top |
 1
 1
|
mommy3b2c
|
Sun, Sep 26 2021, 8:57 pm
| SixOfWands wrote: | I can fathom that you parent differently. You're the one who is on the attack, not anyone else.
The point is that a lot of things aren't necessary, but are fun and good and enjoyable. Like a nice new dress, a piece of jewelry, or a delicious brisket. And sleepovers. |
This. Extremes are never a good thing. It’s normal for a child to experience normal, childhood things. To answer op, I always had sleepovers starting in second or third grade. Usually for a Shabbos or on a Saturday night. Girls came to me, I went to them. Sometimes just one or two, sometimes a group of ten or more. By the time I was in Highschool I probably slept over by someone’s house at least once a week. Sometimes more. And on the other nights, someone would often sleep by me. This is a normal, fun, happy, part of childhood.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
10
|
|
amother
Acacia
|
Sun, Sep 26 2021, 9:08 pm
| mommy3b2c wrote: | | This. Extremes are never a good thing. It’s normal for a child to experience normal, childhood things. To answer op, I always had sleepovers starting in second or third grade. Usually for a Shabbos or on a Saturday night. Girls came to me, I went to them. Sometimes just one or two, sometimes a group of ten or more. By the time I was in Highschool I probably slept over by someone’s house at least once a week. Sometimes more. And on the other nights, someone would often sleep by me. This is a normal, fun, happy, part of childhood. |
I think that a sleepover once a week or more is extreme and abnormal.
| |
|
| Back to top |
3
5
|
zaq
|
Sun, Sep 26 2021, 9:36 pm
Necessary? As in you’ll never get a job or a chosson without it? No.
A majorly fun part of growing up and a way to learn how to be a good considerate guest and a good thoughtful host? Absolutely.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
12
|
|
amother
Bellflower
|
Sun, Sep 26 2021, 9:53 pm
| amother [ Acacia ] wrote: | | I think that a sleepover once a week or more is extreme and abnormal. |
Your reaction to this seems abnormal to me. I don’t recall having sleepovers that often but I’d never call it abnormal! Why is it abnormal?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
8
|
|
amother
Acacia
|
Sun, Sep 26 2021, 9:56 pm
| amother [ Bellflower ] wrote: | | Your reaction to this seems abnormal to me. I don’t recall having sleepovers that often but I’d never call it abnormal! Why is it abnormal? |
I said that I think that it's abnormal, which means that it's just my opinion and not a blank statement that it's abnormal.
I think that it's abnormal for a child that comes from a healthy, stable home to sleep away from home on a weekly or more often then weekly basis for no specific reason. I don't think the posters here that allow their kids to have sleepovers just because, allow it on a weekly or more basis. I think it's too much for kids from a stable home to be sleeping out of the house.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
0
|
|
amother
Bellflower
|
Sun, Sep 26 2021, 10:01 pm
| amother [ Acacia ] wrote: | | I think that it's abnormal for a child that comes from a healthy, stable home to sleep away from home on a weekday or more often then weekly basis for no specific reason. I don't think the posters here that allow their kids to have sleepovers just because, allow it on a weekly or more basis. I think it's too much for kids from a stable home to be sleeping out of the house. |
Why the focus on stable or unstable? Why do you view it as wanting to leave something, and not to just go to something, or experience something? I had a friend with a baby brother I loved going to because I didn’t have a baby brother and it was so novel to me! I had another who’s mom made tacos and my mom didn’t and I really liked tacos. Also lots of my friends lived closer to school than I did and it was such a different experience to take the train or walk to school than my experience (take a long school bus ride) Again I didn’t go away once a week but It would never occur to me that sleepovers have anything to do with stability of Someone’s home or family! That’s seems like such a random assumption and I just don’t get the connection
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
10
|
|
amother
Lavender
|
Sun, Sep 26 2021, 10:59 pm
Without trying to be polarizing at all, I genuinely don’t understand the problem with sleepovers. I get that the OP posted from her perspective, but it seems like many people don’t like or allow sleepovers for their children. Why? Assuming your child is sleeping at the home of a family that you know and think is safe, what is wrong with sleepovers? I grew up in and still live in a community where sleepovers are very common, so I just genuinely don’t understand. As a child the only people who I knew who didn’t have sleepovers were children of immigrants and they were in the minority and they always expressed disappointment over missing out. I also grew up in (and am hopefully providing my children!) a very stable, loving home, so I disagree with the poster above who said sleeping out regularly is a sign of dysfunction. I’m not saying a child HAS to sleep out on a weekly basis, but what’s wrong with sleeping out and having friends sleep over a couple of times a month once a child is of an appropriate age? Again, assuming the parents know the family and the child has a good relationship with his/her own parents enough to call home ASAP or report back if chas veshalom something happened to make them feel uncomfortable.
I know I’m just one person, but I probably slept out 75-100 times as a kid/teen not including sleepover camp which I went to every summer for 9 years. I never encountered a situation in which my safety was in question. No exposure to zxual abuse of any kind. My parents always knew where I was and who I was with. There was a family that they didn’t feel comfortable with and I knew I wasn’t allowed to sleep at their house. One family over my entire childhood. That’s it. It was such a positive experience in my childhood and now the same for my children. It seems like there is such a fear around sleepovers and I feel bad for the kids that are being held back in this way. Unless I’m missing something. Please share your reasoning on this one so I can understand. Also why would schools take a stance on this? What’s the issue?? Thanks!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
10
|
essie14
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 1:08 am
I grew up in the 80s with loads of sleepovers. I had people at my house all the time, and I slept at friends. I don’t remember anyone not being allowed to have sleepovers.
My DD is 4 and already asking for sleepovers 
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
10
|
DrMom
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 1:22 am
| amother [ Beige ] wrote: | Menahel of our boy's school strongly cautioned against sleepovers for no reason.
Said there are kids who end up in therapy because of what can go one at night behind closed doors..... |
This seems very paranoid unless there are known pedophiles among his school's parent body.
After all, one could apply the same argument for not sending kids to his school: You never know if there are pedophile teachers - better to homeschool.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
9
|
Teomima
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 1:45 am
I didn't enjoy sleepovers as a kid. I was the one who would get very homesick and call my mom to pick me up in the middle of the night. But I kept trying, and I'm glad I did. Eventually I went to a short term sleepaway camp and that "cured" me. Ever since then I've had no problems with them.
I think it's a great skill for kids to learn to sleep away from home. And for those that enjoy it, they have so much fun! My kids have occasional sleepovers with cousins or friends and it's always so sweet to watch them chat and giggle half the night. We don't do it often but a few times a year, why not?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
6
|
shabbatiscoming
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 7:09 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | DD8 just had a friend sleep over for the first time and for many reasons, I don't want this to become a regular thing. I'd prefer it never even happen again. Am I being unfair or unrealistic? Are there any good reasons for children to have sleepovers? | I have not read any replies, just your op.
My daughter started having and going to sleepovers when she was 6. It was great. Personally I do think you are being unfair. I think sleepovers, while obviously not required, are a part of childhood that is an experience that children remember. I remember sleepovers from over 30 years ago. In my opinion, its a positive experience.
Yes, things can happen that should not, but overall, they are positive experiences for children.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
7
|
shabbatiscoming
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 7:11 am
| amother [ Acacia ] wrote: | | We don't allow sleepovers just because. (Without good reason.) Bh my girls school doesn't allow it either. There's no reason for kids to be sleeping elsewhere just because. | How can a school allow or not allow something that should only be parent's choice and not a school's rules?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
8
|
tp3
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 7:50 am
|
Not at all necessary. Once in a blue moon it happens, during summer vacation.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
shabbatiscoming
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 7:57 am
| amother [ Acacia ] wrote: | | Again, I did not say that my kids never have sleepovers. And sleepovers are not like candy, not even a comparison. | Its exactly like candy, not needed, not a must at all, but something nice and fun to have sometimes if parents allow it.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
5
|
shabbatiscoming
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 8:02 am
| amother [ Acacia ] wrote: | I said that I think that it's abnormal, which means that it's just my opinion and not a blank statement that it's abnormal.
I think that it's abnormal for a child that comes from a healthy, stable home to sleep away from home on a weekly or more often then weekly basis for no specific reason. I don't think the posters here that allow their kids to have sleepovers just because, allow it on a weekly or more basis. I think it's too much for kids from a stable home to be sleeping out of the house. | Sleepovers weather once a year or once a week, have absolutely nothing to do with a stable home or not. Its about wanting to send time with friends. Its not about running away but rather and "running to" something fun, thats all.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
7
|
imamommy5
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 4:37 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | | How can a school allow or not allow something that should only be parent's choice and not a school's rules? |
dont you know? once you have kids you have to follow an abnormaly long list of rules or you cant send your kid to a good school
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
amother
Acacia
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 5:02 pm
| imamommy5 wrote: | | dont you know? once you have kids you have to follow an abnormaly long list of rules or you cant send your kid to a good school |
Our school really doesn't have a lot of rules. There was bad experience in some grades so they had to make this rule.
As a side point, many times schools makes certain rules because parents don't have common sense.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
BrachaBatya
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 5:13 pm
|
SO MUCH FUN! Definitely big in our circles (pre- covid). My girls LOVED them!!!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
SixOfWands
|
Mon, Sep 27 2021, 5:27 pm
| amother [ Acacia ] wrote: | I said that I think that it's abnormal, which means that it's just my opinion and not a blank statement that it's abnormal.
I think that it's abnormal for a child that comes from a healthy, stable home to sleep away from home on a weekly or more often then weekly basis for no specific reason. I don't think the posters here that allow their kids to have sleepovers just because, allow it on a weekly or more basis. I think it's too much for kids from a stable home to be sleeping out of the house. |
So now its that who doesn't agree with you that sleepovers are bad is is "abnormal" and "not from a healthy, stable home."
What happened to "why can't you fathom that we all parent differently and we all allow our kids to do or not do different things???"
Or does that only apply to YOUR parenting decisions? Anyone who would dare disagree must be "abnormal" and "not ... stable" or "healthy."
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
