Yichud and special needs

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:10 pm

I've been working from home the last year and a half, but I'm going to need to start working in the office 50% starting soon. I will need a babysitter to stay with my kids from when they get home until I get home (an hour or two). The problem is, my oldest is a 10 year old boy and I know yichud applies to boys from age 9. He's also on the spectrum and simply not capable of being as independent as the average 10 year old. And even if he was able to look after himself, 10 is too young to look after younger siblings, so I'd probably still have this problem. I'd be fine with a male babysitter (I have all boys, so this would work) but it's very hard to find, nearly all sitters are female. Surely I'm not the only one in this boat? How do people manage this kind of situation? I know I have to talk to my Rav, do you think it's possible because of my son's special needs, there's room to be lenient on the yichud?

amother

Papaya

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:12 pm

It might be fine if you and a neighbor both leave the door slightly open, or if you get an eye to be able to check in occasionally.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Crimson

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do you have a child 6-7 years old? (Either gender)

That alleviates many yichud problems.

amother

Linen

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:17 pm

Can you call a halacha hotline?

amother

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:18 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Do you have a child 6-7 years old? (Either gender)

That alleviates many yichud problems.

Yes, the next one under him is 7. That works? I thought other kids didn't count, but would be glad to be wrong about that!

amother

Ruby

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:21 pm

Also, because the child is special needs I think there is room to be lenient

Genius

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:24 pm

If your husband works in the same city or town it might also eliminates the problem. I don't think it'll be hard to get a heter daytime.

Last edited by Genius on Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:26 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:24 pm

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

Also, because the child is special needs I think there is room to be lenient

Yeah, I feel a little dramatic saying pikuach nefesh, but it definitely is not safe to leave him without adult supervision, and while I expect that he will iyh eventually get there, he may still continue to need babysitting when he reaches bar mitzvah age. That's just the reality of his situation.

amother

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:25 pm

Genius wrote:

If your husband works in the same city or town it also eliminates the problem. I don't think it'll be hard to get a heter daytime.

My husband does not, but I do.

amother

Linen

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:25 pm

Genius wrote:

If your husband works in the same city or town it also eliminates the problem. I don't think it'll be hard to get a heter daytime.

That's for the wife, not for the child with a babysitter.
Call a dayan he will explain what's relevant to you op.

imaima

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, the next one under him is 7. That works? I thought other kids didn't count, but would be glad to be wrong about that!

Yes if there are kids over 5 present.

amother

Brass

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 2:33 pm

I had a situation like this and it was allowed. Because the child was an escape artist the door had to be locked. Call your rav.

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