How to handle 4 yo who gets hyper when guests come

-Sunnygirl

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 9:53 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Lots and lots of role play before. Have "guests" come to practice on (like a relative) after role playing to get used to outsiders who won't be offended and they're amenable to this...

Love this. role play is so helpful, especially for my ds who is around that age. I use little toy people sometimes and get involved in his play world.

amother

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 10:13 pm

-Sunnygirl wrote:

Agreed, also question is, does he calm down once theyre there for a while? or is he wild and hyper the entire visit? sometimes the initial excitement is hard for kids to handle but then they get used to the guests in their home...

if it’s a short visit, it lasts through unless I distract him.
If it’s an overnight visit it lasts a good few hours until he goes to sleep. When he wakes up it’s not usually as bad if at all.

amother

Eggshell

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 10:52 pm

I had this with my 4 year old daughter, now that she turned 5 and matured, we have it a little less, but still somewhat deal with it.

What works for me:

She usually goes to Shul with my husband. I used to be preparing etc so couldn’t focus on her till the meal and it then ended up in a spiral of negative behaviors. I now greet her warmly when she comes home, have eye contact, ask her about Shul to help her process whatever happened, and OFFER FOOD. When she’s hungry, her behavior is ten times worse. So it’s important to feed her before the meal and not rely on food at the meal. This was a game changer and helped tremendously...

Also, when she acts super friendly and interactive with the guests, I don’t tell her off like I used to (by saying “let them eat” “leave them alone” etc). A lot of the time what I would think was annoying to guests, they would actually think is cute and endearing. So unless it’s inappropriate, I let it go.

It’s attention craving behavior, so we try to make a big deal about her school Parsha projects/ newsletter and give her that attention in front of everyone. I’ll also ask her to to help serve. And have her favorite magnatiles/ mentchies nearby and say “can you make something for everyone to see?!”

We also generally do the 123 magic method, so I don’t stop just cuz guests are there. She still needs the consistency.

Good luck!

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Aug 03 2021, 12:50 am

Read "Raising Your Spirited Child." It sounds like your kid qualifies! (As do most of mine.)

It's a variation of normal, I think a psych eval is jumping the gun a bit here. Obviously you need to work on the behavior, but I don't think it's a symptom of anything more than a kid who is slower at adapting to change, and I think going through the book would help you see what methods are most likely to help.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 9:34 pm

To me it actually sounds like he has a little bit of social anxiety and is possibly looking for some security. Anxiety can express itself in so many different ways- anger, being withdrawn, hyper…. I would definitely do some role playing beforehand on how to behave when guests come; tell him that he can get a special shabbos treat for practicing hachnasas orchim appropriately; give him some direct attention and eye contact throughout the meal to ground him and maybe take him aside a few times just to check in and give him positive feedback (make a big deal of even the smallest success). And of course hugs and “I love you” at random times is always good! Have confidence in your mommy skills and ih he will slowly grow out of it…. Hatzlacha!

amother

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 9:36 pm

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

Definitely spirited! Thanks

amother

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 9:38 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

He acts like this all the time but it increases when guests come. For example today he ran after his brother to hug him (brother didn’t want to be hugged), licked me, pinched my toe a bit to hard (not in a mean way- he was touching my nail polish)- he’s very loving but shows it in a way that people don’t appreciate.

And any time I tell him I love him, he says “you’re poopy” and spits.

And in general it’s like he has a motor or batteries inside him- constantly talking, on the move, thinking, making fire engine noises, etc. Spirited!

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 9:47 pm

I would ignore the poopy comment and totally don’t worry about it. Age and gender appropriate….. the other stuff sounds like a combo of sensory seeking and possibly impulsivity related to adhd. Hard to tel since sensory processing disorders can look like adhd too… I would get him evaluated for sensory stuff since he is definitely sensory seeking (can get an evaluation from an OT- use a recommendation), ignore the poopy, throw on tons of positivity when he does anything - even the smallest thing- socially appropriate, role play and give it time…. Patience and positivity and love and maturity…..

amother

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 9:48 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

Correct- I ignore it.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 9:50 pm

Also- children are super smart and sensitive. If he senses in you that you don’t know how to handle him and are feeling at a loss of what to do- then he will for sure act up! Children need security from their parents…. Tricky very often since we don’t know if we are doing the right thing!