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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:12 pm
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We are chassidish and were always taught not to call workmates from the other gender by their first name. Dh is in an office now with other non-chassidish people and he’s unsure how to call his female workmate. Any insight? What do you feel most comfortable with? What’s acceptable?
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amother
Hyssop
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:16 pm
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challahchallah
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:16 pm
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Only by first name for all colleagues, regardless of gender.
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tigerwife
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:17 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | We are chassidish and were always taught not to call workmates from the other gender by their first name. Dh is in an office now with other non-chassidish people and he’s unsure how to call his female workmate. Any insight? What do you feel most comfortable with? What’s acceptable? |
What do his colleagues do?
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amother
Lime
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:24 pm
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We're chassidish. DH works in a chassidish run place with chassidish female co workers and they call each other's by the first name. We learnt not to and it really irks me when I hear it. It bothers me very much.
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amother
Winterberry
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:27 pm
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I have a Chassidish coworker who calls me by my first name. But we also work in a non-Jewish workplace, so it would be weird not to.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:27 pm
| tigerwife wrote: | | What do his colleagues do? |
Didn’t think of asking 
I guess that’s the answer
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yiddishmom
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:28 pm
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He can say Mrs. X... everyone around him will get the message that he does not call female coworkers by first name.
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simcha2
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:28 pm
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He should ask them how they would like to be addressed and use that.
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thunderstorm
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:32 pm
I go by my legal name at work which is different than my Hebrew name. That’s what all Chasidish men at work called me. Some of them would say Mrs. X but I prefer my legal first name.
I never heard of this “Mrs X” thing until I worked with other Chasidish women. They seemed very bothered by being called by their first name.
Last edited by thunderstorm on Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Sand
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:34 pm
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He can avoid calling her by name when not needed (to keep it unfamiliar) and use their name when it is needed, no choice. It just is not good ettiquette to call people by Ms whatever these days, it comes across rude. When speaking to a 3rd party at work, he will need to call her her name.
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amother
Amethyst
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:35 pm
I introduced myself as Mrs X. And I'm no Rebbetzen, believe me.
I'm only 21 and I sometimes feel so old... But it definitely brings respect.
The women obviously call me by my first name.
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amother
Orchid
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:38 pm
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I work with chassidim for the first time and I still cringe when they call me mrs. x cuz it makes me feel old (im 27) and really not used to it. But I also dont want them calling me by my first name.
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acemom
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:43 pm
I used to have a "work name" when using Mrs. /miss X didn't seem appropriate.
My sisters in different offices did the same.
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amother
Emerald
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Tue, Oct 12 2021, 8:52 pm
| amother [ Amethyst ] wrote: | I introduced myself as Mrs X. And I'm no Rebbetzen, believe me.
I'm only 21 and I sometimes feel so old... But it definitely brings respect.
The women obviously call me by my first name. |
And it’s a good geder.
I’ve seen major boundaries being broken.
My dh works in large old fashion yeshivish office and everyone was always mr and Mrs.
There is a younger crowd now that used first names. They eat lunch together 2 ppl in one conference room. Or go pick it up together. And spend their breaks dhmoozing about life one on one. Some of the ‘older’ staff is uncomfortable.
These are good frum married ppl - many who recently are out of kollel or husband learning in kollel.
I’m no prude and only worked in non Jewish offices were we use first names only. But in some ways when it’s young frum ppl it introduces a familiarity you don’t have with ppl not in your community bec there is a connection.
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amother
Electricblue
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Thu, Oct 21 2021, 8:37 am
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Your dh should use Mrs. or Ms. X. It’s respectful. I’ve had non-Jewish male coworkers choose to call me that (without me asking) and I always appreciated it. According to my parents that was standard in non-Jewish workplaces until the mid 80’s. It’s a geder and in my opinion only brocha will come from not trying to fit into non jewish social norms. Be proud of who you are. (I’m yeshivish but work in non-Jewish workplaces and have found the more you’re true to yourself the more they respect you. People like people that have principles and act dignified.)
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amother
Peru
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Thu, Oct 21 2021, 8:47 am
I had a business name for this reason. I did not feel comfortable being called by my name. So let's say my name is Esti and they called me Judy.
The first place I worked in called me Miss X and then Mrs X when I married at 20. Was weird at first but I got used to it. I'm Heimish/Chassidish
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amother
NeonPink
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Thu, Oct 21 2021, 8:49 am
Interestingly at the chasidish place I worked at, we were all called by our first names, except the much much older women (70+), although the Hasidim often went by Joel, rose , etc., names they didn’t go by at home clearly.
At the places I’ve worked in at Lakewood I was always Mrs X
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amother
Tuberose
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Thu, Oct 21 2021, 8:51 am
I'm yeshivish. Everyone in my workplace is yeshivish/MO/Not frum/NonJewish
But it's a yeshivish workplace.
Everyone calls other gender with a title, Mr., Rabbi, Mrs., Miss.
It's a geder.
Btw, I also don't call the ladies who work with me who are old enough to be my mother by their first name either, as respect.
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amother
Forsythia
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Thu, Oct 21 2021, 8:52 am
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I'm yeshivish and I would never dream of calling any male (other than family) by their first name outside of work. I've always worked in nonJewish places and had no problems referring to men by their first names. I'm finally working with some frum people in a non-Jewish place. I call the frum men by their first name and cringe every time; however, that's what's expected.
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