How often do you see friends (poll)?

bigsis144

Wed, Oct 13 2021, 7:46 pm

This summer, my best friend from seminary and I, who live 45 minutes away from one another and almost never see each other in person, decided on a whim to go to a nearby amusement park together as self-care on a day that the planets were in perfect alignment and *all* of our kids were in camp and we had work flexibility. We got there when they opened at 11 and had to leave by 2 to do our respective carpools, but it was enough.

It was AMAZING.

Even just waiting in lines with no kids to keep from scattering and no strollers to park was a machaya. We kept looking at each other and breaking out in giggles about playing hooky from our grownup responsibilities. We laughed while holding onto our tichels for dear life on the most babyish of roller coasters because we are both scaredy cats.

I don’t know if we’ll be able to do that again anytime in the next few years, but it was incredible to have a taste again of the joy and freedom of our youth. (I bragged about it to my therapist afterwards and she was adorably proud and delighted for me! #noregrets)

But yeah, an experience like that is super duper rare in my life. I basically never see other adults for fun.

amother

Phlox

Wed, Oct 13 2021, 8:15 pm

oakandfig19 wrote:

To those of you who answered never, are you okay with it? I haven’t had a social life in almost a year because Ive moved and ive been having some depression from it. Surprised that 35% say never. I understand if you’ve moved, are dealing with a crisis etc, but other than that shouldn’t seeing friends be prioritized? I’m a BT and sometimes I feel that the obsession with perfection in our society has made people so isolated since they spend all their time trying to accomplish everything except taking care of themselves.

I'm basically you and OP combined with some technical difference. I moved last summer and never made friends. Like literally not a single one in the neighborhood and my kids arent in school so really have very limited social life.
I'm not gonna lie it's really hard. Sometimes it really gets me down but I BH have 3 kids oldest 3 and very busy with them and work. Recently I have made an effort to reconnect with some old friends but that's very rarely and over the phone.
I don't think it's because of perfectionism in our society, at least in my case. I went through some things and no one really understood how hard it was for me especially because my husband is very hush hush and the experience itself was very isolating so I lost touch with many friends. I'm an introvert by nature and it's really hard for me to put myself out there in the neighborhood I live in.

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 3:46 am

I answered once every 2/3 months. I only have 1 friend and we dont live close enough to see each other on Shabbos. During the week we’re both busy with our families and work. When we see each other it’s a nice treat I have to say.
To be honest I suffer a lot from not having more friends. I’m not shy but it doesn’t seem to match with a lot of people 😔

amother

Emerald

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:19 pm

I wrote "never," but I'm not depressed.

I spend time with neighbors all the time. We're not super close, but we do enjoy sharing chit-chat at bus stops and around our kids' playdates.

I speak on the phone with close friends, if not weekly then for sure every other week. We also email and text all the time.

I spend my workday around my coworkers, and many of them feel like good friends.

I am very close with sisters-in-law, and we spend Shabbos together every month or two.

I speak to my mother every single day.

I am very happy with my marriage BH.

I wish I had a close friend or two who was also a neighbor. That would make my life even happier. But I'm a far cry from lonely.

gingleale

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:46 pm

I have a few friends I see regularly. I have been making it a point to arrange to meet up for friends for a walk shabbat afternoons just to get away from the family for some adult friend time. I also have one friend who I try to meet up with 2-3 times a week for exercise.

amother

DarkKhaki

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 1:32 am

oakandfig19 wrote:

To those of you who answered never, are you okay with it? I haven’t had a social life in almost a year because I've moved and I've been having some depression from it. Surprised that 35% say never. I understand if you’ve moved, are dealing with a crisis etc, but other than that shouldn’t seeing friends be prioritized? I’m a BT and sometimes I feel that the obsession with perfection in our society has made people so isolated since they spend all their time trying to accomplish everything except taking care of themselves.

Totally ok with it! It should be prioritized if you feel the need for it! Someone else called it self care - it's self care if it serves that purpose. If you're totally fine with not seeing friends, then it's totally fine for you. I have one good friend that I speak to here and here. We're both very busy, not shmoozers, we would do anything for each other, but no, we do not "hang out". A few more friends that I speak to on occasion, neighbors I see in the warm weather, and work-friends, but never do I "get together" with friends. And I'm very happy!

amother

Petunia

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 3:05 am

If you mean personal, non-mom friends from school or work, then I never see them. Literally, it's been years.

But I voted 2-3 times a week because that was the most frquent option when in fact I see my "mom friends" almost every day. If I go to the park to let my kids play, I am almost certain to run into a "mom friend" that I can talk to there. A few of them get to be good enough friends that I invite them and their kids over or they invite me and my kids to their house.