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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Will my kid be weird if I homeschool
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:19 pm
I don't homeschool but I would never judge anyone based on that. In fact, if anything, I think it puts the family in a positive light in my opinion.
It shows that the family cares and shelters their children and they don't go with the herd, are independent thinkers.
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amother
Lightcyan


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:21 pm
It really depends on where you live. In NY/NJ you might be labeled as weird, but OOT, especially South Florida, you'd be totally normal. It's quite acceptable to homeschool down there.
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amother
Honey


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:28 pm
amother [ Moonstone ] wrote:
Really curious if this is your personal experience or is simply what is commonly said on the streets.
Homeschoolers I know who are healthy people and make sure their children have plenty social opportunities have children who are socially and emotionally astute and mature and very self motivated. They seem to have many advantages.
(I’m not talking about people homeschooled in abusive situations or sadly for reasons that don't allow social interaction.)

OP sounds like she will provide social and socio-emotional opportunities for her child and I have faith in her ideal.


As I wrote, in my personal experience. Granted I only know a few homeschooling families, but this is what I have seen. One of the moms is always arranging playdates with my kids so her kids have socializing opportunities, but there is a social stiffness there.
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amother
Honey


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:32 pm
watergirl wrote:
Why would you nix a shidduch based on something out of the person’s control (ie based on something the parents decided for him/her and had no say over?)?


Because she is looking at the parents also, not just the child.

(I don't necessarily agree with the original sentiment)
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:43 pm
amother [ Junglegreen ] wrote:
I would say no to a shidduch for someone who homeschooled. I'm into doing the norm in the world we live in.

How would you even KNOW that a prospective young man or woman was homeschooled for 2 years as an elementary student??? It’s not exactly required on a shidduch resume. (Or has the shidduch system changed that much from when I was single??) I was homeschooled for 1 year in middle school, and while I certainly never hid it from my husband, I think it just never came up in conversation before we got married!
Priorities, please.

And to OP, yes, homeschooling can be done well or not well. But you really don’t have much to lose by trying it for 1 year in lower elementary school. Make sure you network with other families and be proactive about social opportunities. Hatzlacha!
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 2:02 pm
BrisketBoss wrote:
I knew a couple former homeschooled boys when I was in high school. At first, yes, they seemed somewhat weird. Then they adjusted. Homeschooled kids often get more experience in mixed age settings and are more comfortable talking to adults than their peers are. They grow up fine. Being a child who fits in perfectly with schoolchildren? Hardly a life skill.


Yes.

If you homeschool it should only be for elementary school and go to school for high school.

Then your child won't be labeled "weird" by shidduchim and will get to experience
both learning environments: home-school and standard high school.

You should look for a small warm school.
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Nitzevet




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 4:07 pm
I didn't read all of the posts here but I just want to say that our adult kids (20's), always have friends who are shocked to learn that they were homeschooled. The typical response from their friends is, "but you're so normal". 🙂 It's a normal way of life for us as well as the many thousands of other homeschooling families in the U.S., who are raising well rounded and socially competent children. Its such a shame that in the frum Jewish world it's still pretty much taboo.

Last edited by Nitzevet on Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:26 pm; edited 2 times in total
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amother
Strawberry


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 4:11 pm
YES YES YES.

Pls don't destroy your child socially and emotionally.
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amother
Apple


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 5:42 pm
There's a sub on reddit where formerly homeschooled kids (now adults) speak about their experiences being homeschooled. The feedback is overwhelmingly negative, big time. And it's quite a large sub.

Just don't.
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Nitzevet




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:24 pm
amother [ Apple ] wrote:
There's a sub on reddit where formerly homeschooled kids (now adults) speak about their experiences being homeschooled. The feedback is overwhelmingly negative, big time. And it's quite a large sub.

Just don't.


I wonder though, what their relationship is with their parents and do they come from functional families? Was their negative homeschooling experience merely the symptom of a larger issue such as real family dysfunctionality? Thank G-d we have adult children who are very happy they were homeschooled. I think a lot has to do with the family structure and the relationship between the child and parents and the entire family at large. That being said, you will find negative reviews in pretty much all areas of life.
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:28 pm
I can't believe I missed this thread.
I have very strong feelings on this topic as someone who was homeschooled as a child.

First question: does your child WANT to be homeschooled?

Feel free to PM if you want to discuss more.
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:35 pm
amother [ Apple ] wrote:
There's a sub on reddit where formerly homeschooled kids (now adults) speak about their experiences being homeschooled. The feedback is overwhelmingly negative, big time. And it's quite a large sub.

Just don't.


Can you post the link? Very curious to read
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amother
Rose


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:37 pm
amother [ Junglegreen ] wrote:
I don't think so but we can agree to disagree. I don't think it's possible that at the end of the day someone homeschooled will be the same. I think they loose out at some point. Or are different than someone who went thru the school system.


They lose out at some point, but they also gain a lot at some point. There are advantages and disadvantages to everything. But every child is shaped differently by those advantages and disadvantages. If everything else is a good match, it doesn't really make sense to nix such a shidduch without even looking into it.

And FWIW, it's never recommended to go with absolute statements. Life is funny in a way that it somehow makes sure people eat those absolute statements. I guess that is Hashem's way of reminding us who is the actual boss.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:49 pm
smss wrote:
I can't believe I missed this thread.
I have very strong feelings on this topic as someone who was homeschooled as a child.

First question: does your child WANT to be homeschooled?

Feel free to PM if you want to discuss more.


I think I will start before they know if they want it, same as children who are sent to school.

If they express to me later that they want to go to school, we will have what to talk about. I do expect to send to high school.

Other people in the family have been homeschooled. They came out different, I won't deny that, but the family values difference and so do I. No problem with shidduchim, all married in their low 20s to lovely 'normal' people.
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amother
Apple


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:50 pm
Nitzevet wrote:
I wonder though, what their relationship is with their parents and do they come from functional families? Was their negative homeschooling experience merely the symptom of a larger issue such as real family dysfunctionality? Thank G-d we have adult children who are very happy they were homeschooled. I think a lot has to do with the family structure and the relationship between the child and parents and the entire family at large. That being said, you will find negative reviews in pretty much all areas of life.

I read quite a few posts .... (couldn't sleep one night and this was the sub I found)...
Their complaints did not seem to be emotional, although of course some parents were abusive, that was not the issue I picked up.

Their complaints were more along the lines that they did not learn enough and were not prepared got college.

Which, if you think about it, makes sense. Most parents are simply not capable of teaching every subject, and every age. Some people are great at teaching pre 1 a kids how to read, and some people are lousy at it. Dome people love teaching math, and some are lousy at it. Etc.

I do think it can work with very bright and motivated children. Otherwise, logically, all I see is a disaster.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:54 pm
amother [ Apple ] wrote:
I read quite a few posts .... (couldn't sleep one night and this was the sub I found)...
Their complaints did not seem to be emotional, although of course some parents were abusive, that was not the issue I picked up.

Their complaints were more along the lines that they did not learn enough and were not prepared got college.

Which, if you think about it, makes sense. Most parents are simply not capable of teaching every subject, and every age. Some people are great at teaching pre 1 a kids how to read, and some people are lousy at it. Dome people love teaching math, and some are lousy at it. Etc.

I do think it can work with very bright and motivated children. Otherwise, logically, all I see is a disaster.


Very interesting. Not to brag about myself but I do think I will be a capable teacher and I will buy well reviewed curricula as well. For what I can't do I would try to find a tutor. The homeschooled people that I know were very prepared for college, no complaints. Very academic minded parents.

I would say my main concern was the social, of course my kids can still interact with other kids but they will have different lives, school vs. homeschool, and maybe my kid would feel left out? But that might be a false worry.
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amother
Tealblue


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:56 pm
Homeschooling parents generally don't teach all the subjects themselves. There is usually a lot of self-learning using online resources and textbooks. Many kids will audit college classes in subjects of interest. Others will join homeschooling coops for certain subjects and experiences. It is often more child-led, but most parents will insist on certain curriculum basics.

In general how weird your kid will be is dependent on how weird your family is. Sorry for putting it this harshly. But the homeschooling kids I know from well-balanced families came out perfectly normal and well-adjusted, but with a wealth of experience and skill that the rest of us typically-schooled kids couldn't hope to match.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 6:57 pm
amother [ Tealblue ] wrote:
Homeschooling parents generally don't teach all the subjects themselves. There is usually a lot of self-learning using online resources and textbooks. Many kids will audit college classes in subjects of interest. Others will join homeschooling coops for certain subjects and experiences. It is often more child-led, but most parents will insist on certain curriculum basics.

In general how weird your kid will be is dependent on how weird your family is. Sorry for putting it this harshly. But the homeschooling kids I know from well-balanced families came out perfectly normal and well-adjusted, but with a wealth of experience and skill that the rest of us typically-schooled kids couldn't hope to match.


Makes sense.
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amother
Oldlace


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 7:02 pm
smss wrote:
Can you post the link? Very curious to read


I think it's probably this one.

https://www.reddit.com/r/HomeschoolRecovery/

Another perspective - I worked in college admissions for a few years and my college (which was not all that selective) was still VERY hesitant to admit kids who had been homeschooled all the way through high school. These people had no grades and letters of recommendation written by their mothers. How is anyone supposed to evaluate their ability to do college level work? SAT scores only tell you so much. Another admissions staff told me the college had several homeschooled kids drop out in the years before I started working there and so was extra hesitant to admit them.

I understand that college is not the goal for everyone on this site - and that's fine - but it's another thing to consider if you think you might want your kids in college someday.

Overall homeschooling strikes me as something that's hard to do well and easy to do poorly. Of course, there are some people who are homeschooled and end up just fine. But it's far from certain.
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amother
Apple


 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2022, 7:19 pm
amother [ Tealblue ] wrote:
Homeschooling parents generally don't teach all the subjects themselves. There is usually a lot of self-learning using online resources and textbooks. Many kids will audit college classes in subjects of interest. Others will join homeschooling coops for certain subjects and experiences. It is often more child-led, but most parents will insist on certain curriculum basics.

In general how weird your kid will be is dependent on how weird your family is. Sorry for putting it this harshly. But the homeschooling kids I know from well-balanced families came out perfectly normal and well-adjusted, but with a wealth of experience and skill that the rest of us typically-schooled kids couldn't hope to match.

Yup, like I said, I think it could work with a very bright and motivated child. But when I think about how hard it is to even get my kids to do homework.... what shall I say, I am so grateful to my kids teachers.

(I don't see how this would not be a complete disaster for boys, tbh).
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