Should I pay my sister

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 11:53 am

I am going anon to respect my sister's privacy. My sister doesn't work due to mental health issues despite being overly qualified with a very very prestigious degree to say the least. She is also divorced and splits custody. She is at my house a lot. She often watches the kids for me and I am wondering if I should pay her? I am very much simplifying our situation but I don't want to just give her money even though she needs it because I do think her not working is a bit in her control. On the other hand I know she could use the money. We have a very open family with finances so she would never request or ask for money. Thoughts?

Chayalle

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 11:55 am

If you would pay someone else for the service, then for sure you should pay your sister.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 12:57 pm

You need to separate the issues:

1) Sister is highly qualified but not working, and you don't want to enable that

2) You admit that she has mental health issues which make her not working more understandable

3) She is babysitting for you

If you pay her normal babysitting wages (minimum wage area), you are not enabling her to not work. She *IS* working, albeit not at the level she could.

If you paid her the going salary for her trained profession, you might be enabling her, but here you are not.

SG18

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:10 pm

Yes, you should pay her for watching your kids

amother

Moccasin

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:16 pm

YES
she needs money and is watching your kids
you need her to watch your kids
You can help your sister with dignity.
The rest is really her business.
Sounds like a win win. Trusted family watching my kids works best for me!
(should she go get a job she would not be available to watch your kids)

runninglate

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:18 pm

Is she consistently watching your kids at set hours for a certain amount of time? Can you rely on it? If yes, I would pay her. If she pops in when she’s in the mood and plays with them, I wouldn’t.

amother

Nasturtium

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 1:31 pm

For sure!! It's Tzedaka and Chessed and giving her a sense of responsibility and being needed. Pay her the highest rate you can afford.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Oct 14 2021, 3:00 pm

Depends!
Depends how often and how long.
I had a therapy appointment with one my kids and wouldn't be back in time to pick up another kid from school. I had someone bring the second kid to my sister and she would watch my daughter for 10-15 minutes once a week. Or if I had a doctor's appointment and couldn't bring my other kids, I'd drop them by my sister and she's watch them the hour or 2. She would never take pay for something like that.

But on the other hand, when her kids are home alone (old enough to be alone but just don't like to), they will come crash by me so as not to be alone. I would never ever charge her.

But if it's something regular or for an extended period of time, I think it's OK to offer to pay. She also has the right to refuse. But offer babysitting salaries. Not enough to enable her to not go back to work, but something to show you're not taking advantage.

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