People who call themselves "gifted" or "empaths" etc

amother

Vanilla

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 7:46 pm

amother [ Blueberry ] wrote:

I have predicted every divorce in my social circle, every divorce in my DH's social circle, and all the ones in my parents' social circle. My father will tell you that there was one I was wrong about: that's because the husband died very young. But his widow later told my mother that things were very rocky and they were on the brink.

Sometimes we just know things: and it's not woo, and it's not anything other worldly other than being able to read the room.

yes I’ve been able to predict things like that, but also I can sense when someone has passed away and that isn’t a matter of reading body language. That’s something else. I don’t understand it.

amother

Peru

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 7:48 pm

amother [ Vanilla ] wrote:

For many years I thought I was gifted and an empath. Turns out I’m on the spectrum. Who knew.

Lots of overlap. I’d bet many people that consider themselves this are on the spectrum too but don’t know if. I’m the one who wrote up thread I think it’s a form of ocd. I also have some spectrumy type stuff going on, though I’d never qualify for a diagnosis. From a Neurological perspective, asd, empaths, gifted, ocd, trauma brains share a lot of similarities.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:00 pm

I'm an empath. I dont see it as a positive thing at all. It is a complex personality that includes co-dependency, too much emotion to my own detriment. It makes it difficult to maintain a reliationship. Even as I recognize that I need to back off, it makes me put a wall up and I go in a complete other direction. I constantly have to evaluate if I'm getting too involved, or closing myself up emotionally so I dont get hurt.
There are ton of books for empaths to understand their own personality. it aint easy.

amother

Vanilla

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:02 pm

amother [ Peru ] wrote:

I agree. What threw me for awhile is the myth that autistic people can’t sense others’ emotions and I can sense others’ emotions quite strongly. I’ve read up on it though and apparently this is quite common and it’s one reason why autistic people have a hard time making eye contact, because we feel too much of others’ emotions when we do.

amother

Eggshell

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:13 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

It's all baloney. People who consider themselves 'empaths' are usually just narcissists who need to feel like there's something special about them

Sigh. Spoken like someone who doesn't know the struggle. Some of us don't speak about it and just suffer in silence because it's not easy to live with. Sorry you are surrounded by actual narcissists but that doesn't make it baloney. Being an empath is a real thing and I'm sure there are those who lie and pretend to be an empath to manipulate others.

vintagebknyc

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:15 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

It's all baloney. People who consider themselves 'empaths' are usually just narcissists who need to feel like there's something special about them

Wow. Like the other poster, I have read Dr. Aron’s research about this. It’s psychological science, it’s not baloney.

amother

Peru

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:28 pm

amother [ Vanilla ] wrote:

Yes. True.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 11:55 pm

Wow. I literally never heard about this. And I'm in my 40s.
Reading this thread makes me think I'm the only NON empath around.

I live with people who consider themselves very perceptive- and I don't know if it's the same thing as being an empathetic, but it sounds similar. And I can tell you that often they read into things that are simply not true.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 1:12 am

I also have autism. I definitely can’t sense emotions, I’m pretty oblivious, but I can feel the vibe of the room really easily. I get super overwhelmed around a lot of people and noise.

I definitely think we feel things stronger and we just see the world around us in a more vivid lens, and that can lead us feeling overwhelmed.

ora_43

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 5:18 am

But how can someone know if they are genuinely reading other people's emotions?

Like, maybe someone notices the quiet person at the edge of the conversation and feels awful because of how awkward this quiet person is. But - how do they know the quiet person isn't just distracted? Or bored?

Basically - how can someone tell if they're an empath, vs a highly emotional person with some OCD-like tendencies?

Apologies if the question is rude, just genuinely curious.

(I do think people give off cues and some people are more perceptive of those cues than others. Like, you get a bad feeling about someone who turns out to be a bad person. But I think that has more to do with life experience and a certain sensitivity to nuance than with picking up emotions.)

endlesslybaking

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 5:49 am

What I've found about proud self-proclaimed empaths, at least those few I've met, is that they tend to attack other people and try to manipulate them by claiming they're hurting them because they're empaths. For example, 20 years ago, I had a roommate in college (and this was a very nice and sheltered BY girl) who claimed she was highly empathetic to the energy of her surroundings. One day, I was reading in my room with the door closed. She came into the apartment. Started screaming. I come out, she yells at me that she's already had a hard day, but the second she walked through the door, she could feel my ambivalent energy, and was very bothered by it.She said I either had to change my energy, or leave. Things like this happened regularly because "she's an empath who can read the energy of those around her".
Then, I have a younger cousin who also claims to be an empath. How does she "know" she's an empath? She will randomly burst out crying in the middle of yontif dinner because one of her in-laws looked at her wrong and now she feels like the whole family hates her.

We all know she doesn't actually feel that. Both of these girls were mentally unstable and wanted attention.

So unless it becomes an official psychological diagnosis, I'd steer clear of anyone calling themselves empaths and trying to make it sound like a good thing. Doesn't sound fun for the breakdownish empath, and definitely is not fun for those around.

ora_43

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 6:41 am

But there's always a difference between people who loudly proclaim that they are some thing, and people who actually are that thing.

Like, if someone claims on the internet to have an IQ of 145, you can pretty much safely ignore everything they say LOL

. OTOH I've met people who genuinely are genius-level smart and they really are just on a whole other level in terms of how they see the world and life experience.

People who go around calling themselves geniuses, usually aren't - but actual genius does exist.

I think sensitivity and empathy are similar. A lot of the people who refer to themselves as empathetic in real life - aren't. But actual empathy exists, and people who are so sensitive to others that it's overwhelming for them exist, and it makes sense that they have unique struggles and sometimes talk about that. Especially on sites like this one.

DVOM

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 6:52 am

ora_43 wrote:

This has been my experience as well, Ora.

Most of the people who I know IRL who say they are empaths don't seem to be to me.

The one adult woman I know who I believe truly is unusually empathetic and sensitive to the feelings and moods of those around her does not call herself an empath. She identifies as autistic. Her social skills are terrible though. She does 'read' the mood and feelings of others uncannily well, but has no clue what to do with that information.

Actually, as I'm writing I'm thinking that she reminds me in this way of my kids. Kids are also so good a picking up the mood and feelings of others, and also lack the filter and social graces to know how to cope with it tactfully. Perhaps empaths are simply immature in this way?

Last edited by DVOM on Tue, Oct 19 2021, 7:03 am; edited 1 time in total

DVOM

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 6:54 am

endlesslybaking wrote:

Good grief. I wouldn't be surprised if at this point she is absolutely correct. That poor kid, and her poor family!

amother

Jasmine

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 8:38 am

My sisters and one of her sons are empathy.

As a young boy he came home crying that he can't go to yeshiva anymore. It's just too much.

Bh that my sister understood where he's coming from. And she is a very strong kind person.
We grew up with severe abuse and have been through a lot. Also a lot of therapy.....
They worked hard together to build up a filter and healthy boundaries. He's now engaged to get married. He's a happy healthy very well adjusted young man.

This is the same boy who felt worse for the boy who caused his fall (he needed surgery) unintentionally then for himself at 9 years old.
He said his bones will heal, but he "felt" the boy see his physical pain after he fell and emotional pain is worse and can be lifelong. He also started a "think kind be kind" vibe in his class stern he saw how many boys are sad. He has such a powerful personality at this point that he just exudes positivity.
Sweet child.
He's also probably the kindest man I know.