Parents mispronouncing baby name

PeanutMama

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:21 am

Lol my mother totally says my sons full name wrong. I tell her just say the short name! That “tz” is not easy to say.
At least my daughters name is easier to say. But Gittel — second name— is difficult for her (she says “Gihduhl” and I say “geehtihl” lol) so I tell her just call her by the first name…it’s okay we won’t get upset

😜🙈

We also are staying away from “ch” names for that reason lol

scruffy

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:25 am

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

Curious because doesn't Spanish have the "ch" sound? (forgot which letter is it x or j?)

watergirl

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:31 am

OP, my dad does this to make a point. Not sure what his point is... but he does it bdavka. My husband's name has an Israeli pronunciation and also an Ashki pronunciation. My dad insists on using the Israeli way... it's his shtick. He does it whenever he meets someone, and often times he is actually wrong. Like my daughter has a friend named Meira and when he met her, he insisted it should be MEIRa, like the boys name Meir, and an ah at the end, and he made a big deal out of telling her she is saying her own name wrong. He has this thing with "respecting the State of Israel", and in the name of "respect", he insists on using what he thinks is the proper way to pronounce things, even if he is wrong, even if he sounds stupid, which he often does. He likes to be right and he looooooves to correct people.

My in laws are capable of making the Chet sound but don't. One of my kids has that in their name and they say 'k' instead of 'ch'. I really do not know why, they have no issue with it otherwise.

My husband and I are BTs and many BTs have the same or similar issues. Parents who CAN say the name the way it's said colloquially, but who for whatever reason will not. It's just one of those things and we do not pay attention to it and the kids just go with it also. It is what it is.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:36 am

So many good reasons for mispronunciations or mental blocks, and so many emotions involved. For some reason names are extremely important. Perhaps it's because Hashem used his Words to create heaven and earth, and Adam was given the task of naming all of the animals. It's in our DNA.

I remember my dad having this issue with his dad. When dad turned 18, he changed his name from Jerry to John. He thought it sounded more serious and grown up. For the next 20 years or so, his dad called him Jerry. Then on one birthday, Grandpa sent my dad the most hideous sweater you've ever seen in your life. The card was addressed to "John". That's one of the only times I've ever seen my dad break down in tears. Who cares about the ugly sweater? My dad felt accepted and loved, and that's all that mattered.

I never bothered changing my legal name to my Hebrew name, mainly because I can't be bothered with paperwork. Still, I despise my legal name. It's the name of a pagan goddess, and the short version of it is just plain embarrassing (at least to me.) The only person on the world who I let call me that was my Grammy. She said "At my age I'm too old to remember anything new." and I respected that.

DD really hates her Hebrew name, and she's going to change it to something more neutral. It bothered me at first, but then she said she's keeping her Hebrew middle name, so it's not the Hebrew that's bothering her, just the first name part. It's taken some time to get used to, but I do it to respect her individuality. The new name actually fits her very well.

I'm rambling. Sorry OP, I don't have anything to say to help you. Just keep calling your kids what you want them to be called, and hope that everyone else picks up the correct pronunciation just by hearing the repetition.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:37 am

I've seen this a lot I'm thinking Shulamit instead of Shulamis, RaCHEL instead of Rochel, YaEL instead of YAel. OP, do your in laws do this with a lot of words? Rabbanit instead of Rebbetzin, or the like?

I can see how it can be felt as a negation, but IME, with baalei teshuva, it's a reflection of either whoever taught them or their primary influence, or this is how Hebrew words were said in their non frum homes or hone towns, and they hold on to it. And yes, your kid may correct them one day. But usually it's fine.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:46 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

Wow I never thought that would be such a big deal.

My kids have similar names and we as parents use all the versions! Like, Rachel, Rochel, a ton on derivatives and the way her baby siblings called her, and when someone says it a traditional American way, she knows it's also her.

It is still the same name.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 9:18 am

He's not even named for an Avraham Dovid, I have no idea what their mental block is but I will say it's very hurtful.

HURTFUL? Seriously? Isn't this the name YOU chose for him? If you didn't like it, why did you choose it? I think your parents are being rather nice, using both names that YOU chose. I mean, you chose the name for a reason, it's a logical assumption that you either liked it or chose it to honor someone's memory. Why should Dovid z"l (if there is one) be left out in the cold all the time while Avraham z"l (if there is one) gets all the glory and the memory? Or did you deliberately give him a name combo you dislike because you wanted to be able to yell at him "Avraham Dovid Yourlastname, get over here and clean up this mess"?

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 9:40 am

essie14 wrote:

My in laws have been mispronouncing DD's name for over 20 years...
She hates it, she has asked them many times to say it properly. It's not hard to say, they are not BTs. They just have this block. They don't seem to hear the difference of what we call her and what they call her.
DD has given up.

The bolded may be 100% true.
My dh sister has one of those names that has shifted from mil'el to milra (like SArah to SaRAH). The whole family calls her saRAH and she introduces herself as saRAH and always did. But her dh calls her SArah. One day I got up the gumption to ask him why he calls her SArah when she calls herself SaRAH. He looked at me totally confused because to him, both sounded exactly the same, even though I exaggerated the stressed syllables.

I believe him. Variations in pronunciation that seem vastly divergent to native speakers or to people from one region are completely indistinguishable to non-native speakers or to people from another region. For example, take Mary, marry and merry. To a native New Yorker, these three sound vastly different and no one would ever mistake one for another. Midwesterners not only pronounce them the same way (Merry got merried and had a merry time or Mary got mary'd and had a mary time) but they absolutely can't hear the difference no matter how emphatically a New Yorker says them.

scruffy

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 10:18 am

zaq wrote:

Scruffy, Spanish theoretically has a "kh" sound but in practice it's not like a "chet" at all. It's usually pronounced like an H or at most like a heavily stressed H, higher in the throat and not scratchy like a chet. Nobody says KHai-alai, at most it's khai-alai if not Hai-alai.

Thanks for explaining.

essie14

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 10:29 am

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

I hear what you're saying.

It's sort of like what we would say Mordechai and they say Mord'che.
I guess they don't hear the difference between that. To them the 2nd way IS the correct pronunciation.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 10:42 am

Yes reminds me of a time my daughter had a friend and when she left I said bye yael. Her mother was there and told me "yael" with an expression of you got her name wrong. I thought I must have said the wrong name so I said bye yael again. Mum again corrected me yael. I was so confused I asked her so what did I just say? Mum " you said YAel, her name is yaEL"
Took me a couple min for me to realise I was saying YAel vs yaEL, which is funny because I grew up with an Israeli mother and english father and can pretty much speak and understand both languages and accents.

My parents have this thing of calling newborn grandchildren by their full name even if we tell them straight away what name the child will go by. It lasts a few weeks. I'm not sure why they do it. And my mother calls all the kids in her accent, kids just see it as savtas accent, no big deal

mommyhood

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 11:28 am

My non frum family has such a hard time with our names. I know they love us and it's just the way it comes out for them. I like to remind myself that I also have a hard time pronouncing some of my coworkers names and I can only do my best.
I have one family member that chose names that should be super easy for everyone to pronounce and they still mess it up so I just named whatever I wanted and accepted that it would get messed up.

amother

Peach

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 11:01 pm

side note- My husband and I pronounce our son's name differently. Very Happy

OP, I can understand how it would be annoying. If you have explained to them how you properly pronounce it (in a respectful way) and they continue to pronounce it differently I would really just try to move past it and just accept that this is what your child will be called by them. I know it's easier said than done but it's really NOT worth letting it bother you more and more and would just be not so nice of you to keep trying to correct them.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 2:02 am

amother [ DarkOrange ] wrote:

My spinoff to this thread would be: Do you get really annoyed when people keep correcting you for minor differences in names or even spelling?

Like, people who won't care about spelling and proper speech otherwise will suddenly get all stuck up about you making a random mistake.
I think some people just take themselves too seriously.