Spinoff: Is 10:00pm an ok time to call someone?

amother

Daphne

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 4:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I work with dozens and dozens of secular people for many many years, I know them very well. No weird impressions here. Goodness.

Just for your information, not at all secular people go to bed at nine by far. Still don’t call them past nine because it isn’t good etiquette.

OBnursemom

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 5:00 pm

I don’t know about community, but I get up at 6 am for work/bringing my boys to minyan. If I go to bed too, I can’t get up in the morning. So I would prefer not.

amother

Mulberry

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 5:07 pm

Ok regardless if your time cutoff if you call someone late and they don’t answer please don’t keep on calling! It’s beyond rude! DH and I tend to go to sleep late and people know this so they call and that’s usually ok. But if I’m spending time with DH at 12:30 AM whether it’s Zex or something else and DH brother or sister calls and we don’t pick up and then he calls again and again I want to kill them. Yes true story that happened multiple times

amother

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 5:13 pm

amother [ Daphne ] wrote:

Just for your information, not at all secular people go to bed at nine by far. Still don’t call them past nine because it isn’t good etiquette.

Of course not all!

amother

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 5:15 pm

amother [ Mulberry ] wrote:

That's always rude, to keep calling.
Btw, I have a similar thing, but we turn off our ringers. My mother in law told me she tried us late and why didn't we pick up if we are always up late? Helloooo, just because we are awake doesn't mean we are available for you! We were spending time together.
But we always turn ringers off when its too late.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 6:09 pm

amother [ Mulberry ] wrote:

Yes!! My MIL is slightly socially off and regularly calls late as she's a night owl. She usually calls dh's phone first, then tries mine, then tries the landline. And then repeats when we don't answer. And if we do answer or when we call her the next day, it was something totally minor and didn't need the barrage of calls. But she never remembers not to call!

Amelia Bedelia

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 6:22 pm

watergirl wrote:

There are no standards for the entire frum world. I’m in bed by 9 and hopefully sleeping by 9:30! My phone almost never rings after 9 and I am BH very much in the frum world.

Some people on this site have a really weird impression secular people as well. Goodness.

So then it depends on circles. In my circles, it is ok to call fellow frum people in circles until 10/10:30.

allthingsblue

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 7:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Also, in my world many husbands who work during the day are learning in the evening plus maariv, and kollel husbands have night Seder/maariv often till 10:30

So if the person you’re calling for sure has older kids who are living at home and for sure has a husband who learns night Seder, I guess it’s ok. Otherwise I would not call after 9 pm. 9:30 laaatest

STovah

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:32 pm

9pm is the latest I’d expect to receive a call from someone I don’t know, and it’s the latest I would call someone I don’t know, unless a later time was confirmed by text before.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:41 pm

Who answers the phone anyway for someone they don't know?
I'm up late and answer calls and call family that are usually up late or are overseas.

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Oct 18 2021, 8:46 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

Who answers the phone anyway for someone they don't know?
I'm up late and answer calls and call family that are usually up late or are overseas.

The ringer in my room wakes up the sleeping kids and startles me. (Why is my ringer on? Because I have a single mother in law- - in case she needs us in an emergency. She called us in middle of the night when my father in law died, so I do have a bit of PTSD when the phone rings unexpectedly at 10 or later. For my husband it’s even worse.)

LovesHashem

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 1:32 am

amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:

If you have a smartphone there’s a do not disturb option on many that allow to have everyone on silence except for specific people.

amother

Pear

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 11:19 am

amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:

We have that feeling when there is loud knocking on Shabbos.

amother

Cognac

Tue, Nov 09 2021, 9:49 am

Interesting question. I face this regularly especially when it comes to making Shidduch information calls. Many people are not available to take the calls during the day. Then they are busy in the early evening with their kids/hw/supper. Meanwhile I have to pay attention to my mixed age kids and drive evening night seder carpools, be available when my husband comes home from his night shiur,and for my older kids and then finally get to the Shidduch phone calls . (I have more than one child in the “parsha “) . By the time I get to the calls it’s 9:30. I try to call the relatively older folks (example family references, teachers…) first and then the friends of the boy/girl later. I feeli can call the 20s year olds until 10:30 at least .

amother

Cognac

Tue, Nov 09 2021, 9:53 am

I keep my phone on do not disturb after whatever time works for me. Calls from My contacts assigned as “favorites “ -my kids, parents, etc- come through the do not disturb immediately and calls from anyone else come through if they call twice within five minutes. So I never miss any important calls but am not disturbed by others at night.