Wwyd? Work situation...

amother

Outerspace

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 11:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sigh. I started this thread to better understand her position. I do now.

Certainly I care about my son. The school has helped me tremendously for years. I pushed and moved my son out of his class to put him in her class and have been accommodated in every way. Please don't make this a "let's bash the yeshiva system because one very conservative teacher won't have a man sit in on her class everyday as she storytells and plays with young children".

Sure, but it's a reality check in case anyone needed one.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 11:13 am

OP I want to say how very impressed I am by the way you are handling this situation and really really trying to understand the teacher, even coming back again and again to say how much better you DO get her now!
(This could so easily have gone the way of "School doesnt care, teacher unfair, help!")
You didnt say but sounds like this is a right wing school - chassidish/heimish/yeshivish? A school like that runs on its own set of expectations, and those in a different kind of school system, or in the public school system, may find it very hard to understand. But yes, I feel she is correct. Having a male there all day everyday (never mind a friendly one) will definitely cramp her style, and will be to the detriment of the rest of the class. I understand why she is saying it can't be.
Perhaps it wasnt spelled out to you, just assumed, that male shadow in morning and female in afternoon. Usually there are only female teachers for younger grades in these schools, so maybe there is an older boy (with male English teacher) who needs a shadow and so the young man you hired can work a full day?
May your son succeed and flourish with the right helpers!

amother

Carnation

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 12:01 pm

amother [ Outerspace ] wrote:

Yes I would say the same. I am the only frum woman in a male dominant firm and I spend many hours of my day talking to them about work. Sometimes conversations take a personal tangent but I am always professional and respectful. Would it technically be better if I had been working with only frum women? Sure, it would. But it does not mean we can't adapt to work circumstances and do the best we can. In the real world you can't choose your coworkers, except in schools apparently.

Unless you are preforming in front of your male coworkers you cannot compare the two situations. Talking to a man and animatedly singing and teaching in front of one are very different.

amother

Outerspace

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 1:09 pm

Women who have this issue should teach in a girl's school, not in a boys school. As someone familiar with disabilities I feel sad that people don't realize how fundamental support is for certain children and their development. People dismiss children with disabilities and their needsbecausethey think they won't accomplish anything or won't make a difference but it's not true. It makes a huge difference having the right support, but maybe only people with a degree in special Ed or school psychology will understand what I mean. A teacher should not be messing this up. Given her sensitivity she shouldn't be in a boys school.

amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 1:47 pm

amother [ Cantaloupe ] wrote:

I don't know what type of school, what the policies are etc, but many yeshivish women would not speak in front of men, in a public way, such as giving a lecture to men. They may speak to men one-on-one, but being in front of a room in public they wouldn't do. Such as giving a presentation at work, also. Even if it's one man, I wouldn't do it either.

This teacher certainly speaks to men. In fact, she presented case in front of the school's board a couple of years ago to get something done for the school. She doesn't seem to have a problem with that. It's the man in there every day watching her teach in her animated playful way that's over the line for her.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 1:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes that's totally a different situation. And you say she's very flexible and accommodating in every other way (she sounds amazing!). With young kids you need to act in certain ways, sing too, to best teach them all. And she can't do that in front of a man. Totally get her.

amother

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 1:57 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Thank you for this post. The male shadow was very understanding. Again, to clarify, the school has been nothing but helpful in my son's difficult situation (which I'm not specifying). We only met him yesterday morning so it not like he knows my son and it's been a huge investment on any of our parts.

I'm a grateful person by nature, and I have gratitude for the mosdos in our community. The school is more to the right but the parent body is varied. I don't get the sense of entitlement in some of the posts. She doesn't have to do anything she feels crosses her line, and then it comes down to the school if they want to keep her or not. I'm not in a hostage situation. There are other classes in the grade in the same school I can put him in, where he has friends and everything. The school has really helped in the few years since he was there.

I can't rightfully say that I demand that my son be on her class because she's supposed to be the best, and I also want to demand that she cross her tznius standards (for all I know it's her Rav's psak or her husband's preference or something based on her past). For all I know, behind closed doors, this had been negotiated into her hiring contract, OR she's being disciplined/penalized for it. I have no claims on her. She has a right to say something goes against her belief and she'll happily quit. (I don't know that she said that. Just saying.) No?

meiravit

Fri, Oct 22 2021, 2:25 pm

OP, I think you are handling this very well.

I think it comes down to this question - which is more important for your child? This teacher, or this para?
You have to choose only one of them, so that's the decision you have to make.

if you choose the para, you'll have to switch teachers. If you choose the teacher, you'll have to switch paras.

As far as people talking about the teacher's "power," realize that they have a school to run. The paras are guests who come and go. Of course the school wants to keep their staff happy and not some outsider who may or may not be there next year and is not in their employee.

People who are posting here all high and mighty about how the teacher has to do what's best for the student so she must accommodate have either never been teachers and/or don't understand this community standard and are therefore judgemental of it.