Teenaged daughter felt uncomfortable when male doctor

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amother

Poinsettia

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 1:28 am

tigerwife wrote:

My pediatrician never checked my private areas like this once I was old enough to remember, but I do recall my friends being upset by this after their doctors did check them. Honestly, is it necessary after toddlerhood? Can anyone in this field chime in?

Yes it's normal. I used to work in a pediatrician's office. They're checking for normal development through puberty. Look up the Tanner scale. Do you ever get a print out of your child's medical exam? It should say something about Tanner on it.

I take my children to a pediatric practice with multiple doctors, both male and female. Once they're old enough to feel more comfortable with a doctor of the same gender then I make sure to schedule that for well exams. The doctors always take a quick peek into the underwear while giving a speech about safety and how they are only allowed to look for medical reasons and only if a parent is in the room.

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 1:34 am

How does knowing where a child falls on the Tanner scale help with anything? When would it make a difference? It is a data point, but what exactly is that information used for?

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 2:04 am

Sorry but never had nor heard of a pediatrician chest breasts or down below and I was pretty late bloomer but was small for my age so never heard any concerns about it that they needed to check and b”h am fine. I don’t know why a Dr would need to check, unless your concerned abt something not developing right.

amother

Hyacinth

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 2:18 am

I've never had a doctor check breasts or any other private areas. Multiple pediatricians in 2 separate practices when I was growing up.
As for my kids, they're still very young but I've never had a doctor look there past infant stage unless I had a specific concern.

amother

Honeysuckle

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 2:29 am

It's normal don't overthink it.

Chickensoupprof

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 4:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He lifted her whole shirt up to her neck, couldn't he have done it without seeing her in her bra?

No, I'm sure you know where the lungs/heart are about right?

twizzlers1

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 6:13 am

If she felt uncomfortable for whatever reason then this is the time to switch to a female doctor. Where I live there's actually more female doctors than male doctors. And we're able to pick which one we like the best.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 6:35 am

Where I live noone gets checked anywhere just because. Well visits aren't a thing at all. If there is a problem then of course we go to the doctor but otherwise no. And no we don't have generations of children growing up and reaching adulthood and then finding out they missed a major diagnosis. I have really never understood this.

And about doctors checking without explaining or asking, that is wrong. When the doctor needs to check my child's throat eg, he or she will ask first if they can look at their throat, then they ask them to open their mouths. If they check ears, again they ask first. Even when I am giving birth the midwife will ask me if she can check me, she won't just tell me to open my legs. When I am pregnant too, I am asked if she can check my stomach, listen to the baby, or use an ultrasound. I always wonder what they do if someone says no, but they always always ask and wait for a yes before they do anything.

amother

Blushpink

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 8:32 am

[quote="Chickensoupprof"]No, I'm sure you know where the lungs/heart are about right?[/quote

The Dr is listening, not looking! I've always been covered for this exam. Plus, the OP's Dr didn't ask permission

OP, trust your gut (and your daughter's). Something is off here

FranticFrummie

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 8:38 am

As DD got older, I asked her whether she wanted a male or female doctor. She said "I don't care, as long as they are nice to me."

You have to give your child a choice BEFORE you make the appointment. You should also tell your child what to expect before the appointment arrives.

Like many of you, I've had terrible experiences with female doctors. I've never had a bad male doctor, B'H. They've always been exceptionally considerate and gentle.

amother

Blushpink

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 9:56 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

And how are you supposed to know what to expect? Judging from the mixed reactions here, it does not sound like all Drs do the same thing.

Chayalle

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 10:04 am

Though it's rare, I know a pediatrician who once found a lump on a teenager. She offers breast exams to teens since then. Once burned, twice shy.....

(my eye doctor checks eye area with a type of camera, looking all the way in to to the optic lense. He started doing this when he found a tumor on a patient.)

Just letting you guys know....it's the more thorough doctor, who's seen things, that does more checking.

what are you going for a checkup for anyway?

amother

IndianRed

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 10:51 am

amother [ Stonewash ] wrote:

How does knowing where a child falls on the Tanner scale help with anything? When would it make a difference? It is a data point, but what exactly is that information used for?

Of course it's important. If a child starts developing too early that can be a problem. If a child is not delevoping when they should be, that can be a problem.

amother

IndianRed

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 10:52 am

oneofakind wrote:

If a child has a malformation of the genitals, it would be found when they are very young.

Boys can develop varicoceles (varicose veins of the testicles) generally in their teenage years. Large varicoceles can cause fertility problems later in life. Those would not be present in toddlerhood.

amother

Raspberry

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 11:03 am

Chayalle wrote:

This exactly. The pediatrician should be thorough. If you are taking the time to bring your child for a complete physical, then what would be the point of just checking some parts or the body?
Sometimes I just don’t get what goes on here in these posts.. not everything has to be a federal case.

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 1:44 pm

amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:

They should always ask and most do not lift it up fully just enough to stick their hand underneath.

On the other hand as a kid I went to a pediatric team with several doctors and I had a female for a well visit at age 12 and I was so humiliated when she had me lay on my back, bring my knees up toward my chest after which she pulled down my underwear and then spread my legs way open and had a look . I didn’t realize that I could say no. In later years I just had my mom request the male doctors and they never did they exam. Is this standard part of well visits?

That’s so strange, my dr does this for baby daughter I can’t imagine why an older girl would need it.

amother

Coral

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 2:41 pm

I'm quite horrified! I grew up seeing a frum male pediatric group. The most they did was lift my shirt in the back to check for scoliosis. stethoscope they would stick up my shirt, while holding my shirt down with their other hand to keep me covered! After the exam they'd ask me to leave the room so they can talk to my mother for a minute, and they'd ask her about my development. Of course if there were any specific issues, they'd deal with it as needed.
I always wondered why people always talk about needing a female doctor for big girls. Now I know why.
I scheduled my 12 year old DD well visit with a male dr, and had in mind it's for this reason: why should she see the female, who may make her uncomfortable, if we can go with the male, who will keep here fully covered?!?!

amother

Slategray

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 4:17 pm

amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:

This.
My son felt very uncomfortable when the doc (male) checked his genitals as a young teenager.
I felt weirded out and uncomfortable at the time as well.

The doctor noticed the enlargement of his varicoceles and referred me to a specialist, but because my son was so horrified from the exam and unforgiving for invading his privates as he was extremely bashful, I decided to let it go and just ignored the whole thing. Naturally I didn't take it serious at the time. I was that clueless!!

Lo and behold it took seven years and for him to finally have his first baby.
Had we taken care of his condition immediately and done the surgery ASAP we could've avoided seven long years of sufferings.

amother

Lightpink

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 4:44 pm

Yes that's normal for a doctor
And that's normal that a teenager girl would feel uncomfortable with that
My kids go to a practice where there are both make and female doctors. As soon as about she 8-10 depending, I request that my kids are seen by same gender doctors only.
Also, either way, I was in the room and said right away, please listen over her shirt. I was never told no.

Orchid

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 4:53 pm

amother [ Green ] wrote:

there was a point when hospital gowns were mandatory. Our ped stopped listening when she realized it was harmfull.

What does that even mean, mandatory? By the government? There is no such thing as just rolling over and submitting to your doctor. If you think a paper thin hospital gown is damaging for your kid (as you should), then don't do it. Or go to another doctor whose values align with yours or is respectful of your wishes. I truly never get the idea that doctors call the shots and the patients have no choice but to listen. How many times do we hear on these pages, "I don't want to do XYZ but my doctor says it's mandatory. Oh shucks." Do you have that relationship with your accountant, lawyer, plumber, or any other professional for whom you pay to for their service? Does your accountant force you to do stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable? Does he say "this is mandatory?" Does your plumber say "our policy is to do XYZ with your pipes. You must do it our way." I mean he can, but then you're obviously free to relieve him of his service. That's what a doctor is. A professional you hire, and at times, fire.

Ahem, anyway OP. No, it's not normal. I've had lung and breathing issues for many years and have had to have my breathing listened to by many doctors, and nobody just lifted my shirt all the way up. Nobody even asked me to lift my own shirt up. They listened through the thin t-shirt I wear to appointments. I could see the stethoscope not working in the event of a thick sweater, but rule number 1 for doctors is not to remove patients' clothing; they must ask the patient to remove her own clothing. Unless of course the patient is a young child. So any way you look at it, this was wrong. Trust your instincts, fire the guy, and find someone else.

Do not be afraid to fire a doctor any more than you would a plumber or accountant. Find someone else to give your money to.

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