My 8 year is SO fat!

amother

Dimgray

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 3:40 pm

Op definitely get her checked out by endocrinologist.
You sound like an amazing mom. And I was that fat kid. All my siblings and parents were thin. She may have a thyroid or sugar issue (mine turned out to be pcos).
Keep giving her those compliments! The world can be very cruel for these children. You can make all the difference for her growing up a self hating person who is constantly fighting for self esteem or a confident self loving adult.
I now have kids of my own and I understand more why it was hard for my mom. But I'm left with an endless uphill battle.
You're doing a great job!! Lucky little girl you have! ❤

amother

Hibiscus

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 3:46 pm

There is a medical issue underlying it. I would not ignore that. Just because it does not have an instant immediate emergency effect, please look into it. She is probably intolerant of one or more of the common problematic foods if I had to guess. With an IgE allergy, the kind everyone calls allergic, it is obvious. But the other types, like IgG for example, cause chronic long term damages and can later turn into chronic disease when older, the auto immune type, for one of many examples, chron's.

An allergist cannot test for this. They only pick up IgE reactions.

The best way is to either do an elimination diet or the easier way, take her to do what is called "muscle testing". Ask anyone into alternative style things if there is someone in your area that does this.

The answer might be as straightforward as removing one food and replacing it with a similar option that agrees with her.

The first suspects are always Gluten (Wheat, Spelt, Oats, Barley, Rye) Dairy, Corn, Soy.

If it is a grain, it is possible it is just one not all 5. Today it is easy as ever to replace Gluten & Dairy foods except Soy is in everything, so that one is difficult.

amother

Skyblue

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 6:28 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

What did help me was recognizing that despite the fact that most doctors and health experts will glibly tell you that children come in all shapes and sizes, the fact is that there is always something medical that makes some kids have a harder time regulating their food intake, have uncontrollable cravings, or even if they don’t eat more than their peers, still hold on to a lot more weight. Just because science hasn’t teased out exactly what these factors are (though if you do some digging we do have a whole lot of clues) and just because there aren’t easy clear tests that can be run to tell you what’s going on, doesn’t mean there isn’t a cause. It’s medical, it’s not moral.

…. And then, going down the rabbit hole of root causes and trying to treat the causes from that end to heal whatever is going on in her body. We have made some gains to this end, and we are far from done. But this work is done without ever uttering a word to her about weight or diet.

Can you explain further? I also have a really overweight young daughter, that fits your description perfectly.

Don’t want to derail this thread….But your experience seems important.

amother

Oldlace

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 7:09 pm

amother [ Hibiscus ] wrote:

Excuse me, but unless you have examined this child, and you are a practicing MD, you have absolutely no right to say with such certainty its a medical condition. Zero.
I have a daughter like this, and for arguments sake, we did go to a pediatric endocrinologist and guess what. Its genes. Plain old genes
Nothing to do about it other than to try to push healthy eating options. Thats it.

So OP, ignore all this mumbo jumbo nonsence, and if your DD goes for yearly checkups, and im sure you use a pediatrician with a brain on his or her head, I would not even go that route. Encourage exercise, swimming, brisk walking, movement....but ultimately, somtimes there is absolutely nothing you can do. Other than love them Smile

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 7:13 pm

amother [ Skyblue ] wrote:

Can you explain further? I also have a really overweight young daughter, that fits your description perfectly.

Don’t want to derail this thread….But your experience seems important.

Its a little hard to explain but I used a functional medicine model to try an address all possible causes I could think of. We weren’t able to completely pin it down, and it’s anyways probably a combination of things, but possible causes to explore include but are not limited to
Thyroid issues
Adrenal issues
Hypothalamic-pituitary issues
Ghrelin and leptin levels
Gut microbiome
Yeast and parasites causing cravings
Brain inflammation driving cravings, especially limbic inflammation
Blood sugar fluctuations, reactive hypoglycemia
Cortisol issues
Food intolerances
Autonomic dysfunction, possibly due to thiamine deficiency
Leaky gut causing addictions to sugar, carbs and glutamate and restricting non addictive foods
Ocd/anxiety causing restriction of protein intake

All these issues are related and create a vicious cycle of uncontrollable cravings, constant hunger and holding on to weight. I like to use the cave man analogy. For whatever reason, their brain and body act as if they are in constant stress and danger and need to constantly eat and hold on to every calorie because who knows where the next meal will come from. This also explains some of the other related behaviors like with grooming and such.

Hope this helps.

amother

Hibiscus

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 7:55 pm

amother [ Oldlace ] wrote:

Unless she was switched at birth, if the rest of the family does not have this issue, on either side, there is something underlying it medically.

One poster gave the endocrine angle, I gave digestive. I do have a degree (and experience) in a related field. I would keep searching for an anwer.

Functional or integrative doctors would not stop and say she is just built like that if no one else is. You test. You see if there is a cause.

If you oldlace, say your dd is significantly different than the rest of your family, you don't even have a grandparents side that was built that way and the child eats the same as all your rest of the children, I suggest looking into ruling out all causes, not just one.

I have seen adults, parents themselves, discover that one little food didn't agree with them and eliminating it cleared up a whole host of complaints they had their entire lives, including weight issues.

It is such a small thing to look into, and can save years of all sorts of things by ruling out all departments before declaring it must have been a recessive gene from 6 generations back.

I should have said with less certainty, granted, it is possible it won't be, but it usually is in my experience. Therefore, its worth it imo to rule it out too.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 8:08 pm

amother [ Oldlace ] wrote:

There isn’t really such a thing as plain old genes when it comes to obesity. Obesity isn’t a monogenic disease. Unless maybe you have a genetic leptin deficiency, which is really really rare. Obesity doesn’t exist in hunter gatherer societies. Otherwise it’s epigenetic. Genetic is just what doctors say when they don’t know what’s really wrong.
The Hungry Brain is a fascinating exploration of the current science on hunger, cravings and weight if anyone wants to read more.

notshanarishona

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 8:46 pm

As someone who was overweight as a child (and who was much more active than my siblings), I can’t stress enough how important it is not to treat the overweight child differently. Don’t give the other kids donuts and expect her to choose a fruit. don’t look at her plate and question her taking seconds.
If you want to increase healthy awareness make lifestyle changes that are slow and bearable for the whole family.

amother

Dimgray

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 9:19 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

This!!

amother

Hyssop

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 9:25 pm

hellokitty wrote:

ok, I'll go there:

phrase it with more compassion than "SO fat". that kind of thought pattern is why we get imas on here so distressed about the bodies they inhabit and why they start with all kinds of crazy. because their own mothers described their bodies as SO FAT when thy were small children, even anonymously. kids don't "not pick up on that".

phrase it from the get-go as wanting her to look her best, rather than *her* looks upsetting *you*. that's a healthier attitude.

I don't know. My mother never mentioned weight...food was never an issue when I was growing up. Yet, here I am at 47 years old counting calories and getting upset over my scale every day. I wonder how many people don't give their weight any thought....I wish I was one of them!

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 11:10 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

Agreed.

Obesity matters.

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 11:11 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

I’m pretty happy that I’m not the only person who talks this way.

amother

IndianRed

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 11:21 pm

hellokitty wrote:

so buy her dresses then

(not even going to start with your attitude, hurts me as an adult to read about a mother talking about her kid like this and I have nothing nice to say)

what attitude?
OP is allowed to feel what she feels!! she's allowed to write that its challenging to find clothing!
OP is not criticizing her daughter to her face, nor did her OP read as critical in the slightest. she is allowed to feel upset and vent here....doesn't mean she's shrieking at her daughter!!
something is triggering YOU here

WhatFor

Sun, Oct 24 2021, 11:35 pm

amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:

I audibly gasped when scrolling and saw the title. I suppose to me the word is akin to writing "my child is an idiot" and then reading an op about how a child has difficulty processing things and he comes across as dumb. The op didn't express concern about her daughter's health, just her appearance. Where I come from, the word "fat" is the one used by bullies. Overweight is the clinical term.

And the op may actually be a sweet, awesome mother irl who is just expressing a shallow concern, but we don't know anything about her other than her post, so that's why people react the way they do. That's not to say there's nothing to be concerned about, but the op makes it all about appearance.

So yeah, something was also triggering me there. I see people use the word "trigger" to mock others for having emotions or feelings, but shrug. I'm not ashamed to be "triggered" (I.e. "care") when I see a bullying word be used. Fwiw, my parents never really commented on our weight, and I was a normal weight growing up. I was just raised not to call people that word because it isn't kind.