Bas mitzvah - celebrate with family?

amother

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 10:31 am

My daughter's school does something for the girls so there are no class parties.
We don't live near our parents and siblings.
Do people make family parties for Bas mitzvah and grandparents/siblings/cousins travel in? Or just celebrate with your immediate family?
My daughter really wants everyone to come in but I don't think anyone will be interested in traveling Sad

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 10:36 am

Aunts and uncles not so much if it requires traveling (depends how far. Up to 3 hr drive maybe. Further no)
Grandparents yes.
Does she have girl cousins that can come in with grandparents.

OOTforlife

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 10:41 am

Varies by community. In our MO community, bar mitzvah and bas mitzvah within a given family will usually be celebrated at the same level, in terms of food, number of guests, and so on. Not for all families, but most. Usually I see extended family traveling in.

amother

Beige

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 11:16 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We just made a bat mitzvah after succos. My siblings came (both live in NY, but not in the same city as us or each other) and most of my sisters in law came with their girls over a certain age, and my mother in law came. My mother was here already because she had been here for succos, but she would have come back if not.

amother

Lily

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 11:34 am

The question boils down to do value your value your girls as you value your boys?On a different thread, someone said they sent their sons to school to learn, and their daughters as a babysitting service because they need the break. How do you value your girls? Are they as important to you as sons, or are they lesser?

amother

Stoneblue

Thu, Oct 28 2021, 12:19 pm

For my niece they rented a large house with catering and had the extended family for Shabbos. They had a photographer come Friday afternoon to take everyone's photos before Shabbos. We had our own minyan, and she gave a Dvar Torah after the leining. During the meals she was the focus of the speeches. Later in the week they had a party for her friends, and girl cousins of similar age were also invited.

(ETA Their oldest boy is nine, but they will probably do something very similar for his Bar Mitzvah, with the addition of him leining.)

That branch of the family has a lot more money than us, but I don't think we will do anything on that level anyway. It's still some time off, but we'll probably have a small hall and make a party for her friends in the afternoon, and then invite adults in the evening. She'll give a Dvar Torah to both groups. We'll see nearer the time exactly what she wants and then make more specific plans.